My wife just prayed for me; that God will do a mirricle in my life . That the demonds that caused me to sin over and over again can be removed from me, and that a healing can occurre in my heart. Please join her in prayer. I know God will forgive me I just can not make myself take the forgiveness and I continue to add sin to my heart. I feel hopeless yet I know that prayer can save me ,my family, and the ow. I NEED YOUR HELP !

I have read your other posts and do not know your whole story, but it sounds as if you are confused as to what you want, but you want wife, ow or someone else to make the decision that youn yourself have to make (unless wife or OW are forced to make it for you! and do you want that????).<P>Do you really want to save your marriage?<BR>You write that your life for 23 years revolved around your families needs. Were these your priority too? What made you change?<P>Each individual has to take responsibility for their actions, and not only will G-d forgive you, it sounds as if your wife will too, if<BR>a)you can forgive yourself, and even as important<BR>b)break off with ow (you state that you continue to add sin to your heart)<P>Do you want to recommit to the marriage?<BR>Are you seeing a therapist?<P>Do you want "it all"?<P>I am the betrayed, but I am the one who filed for divorce (h's MLC) and I understand your pain. Please do not let anyone else make decisions for you if they are not the ones you know deep down in your heart you do not want.<P>Take care of yourself.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by willbok99:<BR><B>I have read your other posts and do not know your whole story, but it sounds as if you are confused as to what you want, but you want wife, ow or someone else to make the decision that youn yourself have to make (unless wife or OW are forced to make it for you! and do you want that????).<P>Do you really want to save your marriage?<BR>You write that your life for 23 years revolved around your families needs. Were these your priority too? What made you change?<P>Each individual has to take responsibility for their actions, and not only will G-d forgive you, it sounds as if your wife will too, if<BR>a)you can forgive yourself, and even as important<BR>b)break off with ow (you state that you continue to add sin to your heart)<P>Do you want to recommit to the marriage?<BR>Are you seeing a therapist?<P>Do you want "it all"?<P>I am the betrayed, but I am the one who filed for divorce (h's MLC) and I understand your pain. Please do not let anyone else make decisions for you if they are not the ones you know deep down in your heart you do not want.<P>Take care of yourself.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Thank you for your concern, yes I do want to <BR> save my marriage, yes I am starting to see a<BR> therapist, yes I do want to make my own decisions. I know my wife is hurt and tired.<BR> All I know is that I want to be with her until I die. Please pray that God will use what ever he needs to set me back in His will. I love my Wife. PRAY for US!<BR>

I am glad that you are seeing a therapist. Do you find this of value? Have you been able to connect and open up to the therapist so that all the story can come out, with all the issues? Here honesty is CRITICAL and that is why you should trust the therapist.<P>No-one, not G-d, not your wife, nor ow can "make it right " by themselves.<P>You have stated "I want to be with my wife until the day I die". And that is what you need to focus on since this is YOUR decision.<BR>But how to get there is the problem.<BR>Since you have not told me any of your story really, I can only really presume there is another woman.<P>If you have decided that you want your wife, you perhaps realize that you cannot have ow, since this is what probably got you into this mess in the first place.<P>Have you read the other advice on this web, other than on the discussion forum...<P>I guess the most important thing is to start being HONEST with your wife. This life of secrecy can do no one any good (I know that the lies were as bad as the betrayal itself for me at least...especially the lies that ow was gone when she was not when we tried to reconcile, then I knew that H was playing me for a fool....ow on the side despite assurances to the contrary and this I would no longer accept, (and some other things) so I sued him for divorce last July and he is with ow, having thrown away a mostly good 23 year marriage and 4 teenage kids going through the most indescribable pain and confusion.<P>For me actions and words cannot be contrary, after all trust is at a very low point for your wife, so how can your wife believe you that you want her when you say you do, if ow is still there! (In my case H said he wanted me but did not show any caring or reconciliatory behaviour, in fact his behaviour to me was more bizarre and hurtful and at the same time he was still with ow, thinking he was still "secret" but he was not as discreet as he thought he was. So how could I believe in him...that he wanted the marriage <BR>But he really did not, anyway that is another story!)<P>So, and I again am being presumptious, but if I was your wife, the first thing for me would be that the ow has to go, and you have to do this, no-one else can decide to give this up...you cannot work on your marriage and have ow at the same time.<P>If you want to be with your wife, you have to regain her trust...HONESTY, and deposit love in her bank in small ways which only you know. It will take time, but if you want the marriage, and if your wife is praying for you, I guess she must want it too, then honesty, giving up ow, caring are important starts.<P>Everyone can make a mistake and infidelity IMHO is always a HUGE mistake (to end a marriage there are other less painful ways,), but forgiveness by the betrayed is also a factor...it sounds as if your wife can forgive you if you realize that it is her you want AND NO ONE ELSE and this you will have to work at proving to her in a way that makes sense for the both of you. You and no one else will have to build up trust...and ow has to be out of the picture. How can your wife trust you until this happens?<P>You do not state how long you have been married, how many children and how old?<P>I hope that I have not offended you in any way by my response, if you want, you can e-mail me at willbok99@hotmail.com<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by willbok99 (edited April 06, 2000).]