Tegan, (Keral)? (which name?)<P>I am sorry to hear that you suffered as much as I did at Xmas. Not that all of us didn't. But leaving on a holiday is has a big impact.<P>I was served D papers dated for Valentine's Day. My H seems to want this marriage over and quick. What can I do? SPend time, money and tears to fight it? NO WAY. I am walking away. He wants it over, I tried my best. I plan A'd, I took everyone's advice, let him know the door was open. Once he served me those papers, I had enough. Ten years of my life and love were thrown in my face on some bimbo that isn't worth the time of day. <P>The whole thing has been terrible. The divorce is nasty, but because thats how he is doing it, I have been nice so far. I prefer to walk away and forget all about it if I could. The reality is that won't happen. As soon as he sees I look happy, he does what he can to ruin it.<P>Hope you are holding up. I lost 15 pounds at the time, didn't sleep for months, didn't eat for a month and was so depressed. If he knew now, the kind of life I have, his head would spin. <P>I do enjoy most aspects of my life now. The hardest, though is knowing he cheated, knowing he lied, he deliberately hurt me and he walked out on our kids on xmas. I think his girlfriend is a tramp, a homewrecker (she knew he was married and took months to plot this out) and will get what she has coming to her eventually. <P>Be strong. Post here for support. Sometimes you don't get a lot of replies, but don't get discouraged. We are all here to help each other out. <P>Prayers are with you,<BR>Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>Karel or Tegan will do (first is a real name and second is a nickname). Walking away is probably the best thing you can do. I'm kind of taking the same approach, except that I am distancing myself from my H in an attempt to reconcile (a word that he doesn't like since there's really nothing wrong). In other words, I'm giving him SPACE to find himself. Truthfully, he is lost. Five years of being solely responsible for the operations of a 4 million $ company took a hefty toll on him and everyone noticed that his personality was slowly changing.<P>Earlier in the week, he told me that at this time, divorce is the only option. But he also tells me that he wants me in his life. He just thinks he cannot be a loving husband anymore and doesn't want to keep me in a loveless relationship. But I've talked to him a couple of times since then and he seems to be able to talk to me.<P>Sometime after the Valentine's Day, I decided I was ready to get off his emotional roller coaster. So instead of trying to figure out what he is thinking or doing, I decided to concentrate on what I was doing, thinking and how I could control my responses to his highs and lows. I think I've done pretty well and to some extent this has shown him that I am tougher than he thinks.<P>So, even though I know that divorce is a imminent possibility, I am trying not to focus on it. Prayer has healed my heart and I am praying for him also.<P>Karel<BR>

Karel,<P>It sounds like you are on the right track. I didn't read your profile but it sounds like your h is having a midlife crisis from all the pressure at work.<P>Hang in there. Weekends are slow and it seem some people actually have a life. I'm not sure about me .<P>Keep praying and turn everything over to the Lord.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

Hi Bob, yes, I take the weekend "off" because I make it a point to get out and have some fun!<P>To Tegan,<P>I am sorry to hear of your situation. You have a bigger commitment to it than I. I did try and save it at first. I took too much of a beating on Plan A. I haven't felt like trying for a good month now. I know I am losing all my love for him. I'll always hold a tiny bit of love for him because he is the father of my girls. I see him when I look at them, and I am sure he sees me as well. I look at the children, and feel that they suffer the most in all this. I hope that I will be able to do a good job raising them to know better in this world. <P>I agree with Bob, you sound on the right track. Basically, he does need his space. Work seems to be a big factor in all that we go thru in our marriage, many spouses cheat with a co worker, or can't take the pressure from their jobs. Makes me take a long hard look at the career path I will chose next. <P>I have seriously debated on going to college to become a marriage therapist. I am going to give it a year and see if I still feel so strongly about it. <P>Stay strong, we will all be here to help you and prayers are with you. Dana<BR>