Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Wife has decided, irrevocably in her mind, that divorce is something she wants to do. Over last 2 months, her EA escalated to PA quickly, sees that relationship offering promise that she refuses to believe ours can ever provide. Never mind two little kids at home, never mind a husband that still loves her very much, however ineptly in her current estimation. Both committed Christians in the past, her position now is "I don't have a heart for God." Truth or rationalization to avoid guilt, I don't know.<P>Refuses to give up contact with OM (email and voice, geographically separated) and is actively consulting attorneys and looking for new house, presumably for her and kids and OM on weekends. No filing yet as she agreed in joint counseling to wait until late April to take further action. Why, I don't know as W unwilling to consider not divorcing. <P>I can pray for her and us, and try to show her always that I love her, but it seems nothing else is possible. How do you deal with the frustration that only one partner has power to end a marriage and a family while there is nothing possible for the other to do but wait for a response, be it positive or negative?<P>I know that God is in control, but that in His wisom, He saw fit to give us free will and we are certainly able to choose paths other than He desires. It's so hard to accept that one I care about so deeply can make the calculated decision that all the values and principles espoused in her life are meaningless, that the impact on her and the family of chasing OM is trivial. How can any rational person justify this decision?<P>Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Thanks for your prayers.<P>

Texan,<BR> I feel your pain as I am in a similar situation. My H is separated geographically, but is continuing with phone calls and e-mails. However, he is undecided as to what he wants and is undergoing individual counseling right now. I will definitely join you in prayer for your family. Have you read the articles on this website? There is a lot of good info for you. At least she has agreed to counseling. This is a good place to come and vent.

Dear Texan,<BR>I know exactly what you're going through, I'm going through the exact same thing right now only I don't know if there is an OM, she swears to me there isn't but she's not willing to act to save our marriage. Never mind the kids or the life we've shared for the past thirteen years it makes no difference and doesn't equate into her happiness right now. All she wants is to be alone with no responsibilities and she just wants to go out and party with her friends. Like I said I don't know if there's an OM and I'm not so sure I want to know either but I suspect there may be. Many a night I've cried myself to sleep, I know a grown man is supposed to be strong and supress his feelings which is supposed to be the masculine thing to do but my love for her is so strong it causes me to act unrationally sometimes. I know this doesn't help you any but just so you know there are others who feel your pain and are experiencing the same things right now. In my case, divorce papers have been filed this morning. All you can do is focus on yourself and your kids they're the ones who'll need you more than ever right now. Good luck.

Texan,<P>I think you answered your own question. How can a sane person rationalize this. The answer is they can't and that's the reason for the all the out of right field problems with the marriage the come up with.<P>My x went from being a born again Christian to saying that God doesn't answer prayers, as he dodn't answer her prayer that I change into spiritual man, that he is just there ofr morale support and the after life.<P>She never missed church or singing in the choir in the 18 yrs I've known her. Now she no longer goes.<P><BR>May God continue his blessings on you.<P>Bov