I tried to call my H to tell him of a change in plans that affects his bringing the kids home. He has told me that not only is it ok for me to talk to him at her house for logistical kid-related things, but that he wants me to talk to him, rather than send a message through the kids. The OW answered, and asked who was calling. I told her (being careful to use my name rather than saying "his wife") and she said he wasn't there and hung up on me. <P>In this particular instance, it will be my H that may be inconvenienced by not receiving the message I had wanted to give him, but what if one of the kids were injured or something? She had absolutely no reason to hang up on me. I don't call him there, I was polite - she must have known that I would only call him if absolutely necessary. <P>

I think that you need to talk to him about this. It sounds like he was being very open and fair in saying it was okay for you to call about these things. Now the two of you need to figure out a way for you to get an emergency call (or even just an important call) through to him.<P>I would tell him that I appreciate his fairness in the matter, but explain what happened, and that you are concerned that you will not be able to get the important calls, that he has agreed to take, through to him if the OW answers the phone. <P>Remember your focus. Do not bad mouth the OW (even though what she did was Very disrespectful). Your purpose is to express your concern about not getting calls through to him. It sounds like he started out with a reasonable mind-set, and you want to keep him there. If you can get him to agree it is a concern, then hopefully he will help come up with a solution. Maybe he will decide he needs to have a talk with the OW. Just remember to try to solve this through him. Do not confront the OW if possible. After all, it would probably only lead to more rudeness on her part.<P>Best of luck...<BR>

Nellie, you did your best, let him be inconvenience and he can take it up with her, she'll be the one who looks like the bad guy. Dana <P>

felix,<P>Don't worry, I am not about to confront the OW about this. <P>Of course, I have to remember that when he said that he wanted me to contact him directly about the kids, he hadn't consulted her first. <P>lonelymom, <P>Well, he apparently checked his email and found the message I sent him, so he ended up not being inconvenienced after all. <P>

Nellie, <BR>I am glad you were able to get your message via e-mail.<P><BR>Were you able to let him know that you had tried to call him by phone but that it was not possible to get hold of him, without bashing OW? <BR>He needs to know this so that the next time, the "rules" are clear to ALL parties.<P>OW clearly, as you have written, wants as little contact betwen the 2 of you, and since the contact is conserning the kids, this could be why she wants your H to see less and less of the kids. It is where his ambivalence is and where he will always be part of your family, whether ow likes it or not!!!.<P>Just keep on doing what you want, as only you know what is right for you.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{nellie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

willbok,<P>I am going to discuss this with my lawyer first, before I talk to him.<P>It is obvious that the OW is worried, and will probably continue to be worried as long as he is with her.