After getting a lot of things done around the house Sat and getting some things clear with X,(she brought me a calendar marking the days and times she can take the kids!), things went downhill in a flame with me burning with anger.<P>On Sat when x was picking up the kids, we discussed Easter, her weekend, and my and the kids wishes to go to church(yeah) plus my d needed to come home on Sun to finish a report on the computer, plus she wanetd to go to church as she hasn't been there for 5 weeks(yeah again!).<P>So I woke up early this morning and got ready to go. She doesn't come at 7:30, so I figure she is getting ready at mothers and will come here and get dressed. No one at 8. 8:30, or 9:00. I remember the kids tell me that x won't have phone service till Mon nite. I call cell phone and of course it isn't on. So I leave for church. I look for d in her ss classroom, not there. I wait at lobby, no one comes. I go to my ss class and think I may see her in church, nope not there either.<P>I am so mad at this time I figure if I go to her house I'll end up in jail. So I go home and expect to find there. No one there. I still can't reach anyone and get sick feeling in stomach.<P>I run to store and stop at some friends to vent. I go home and start painting. Finally at 3:30 d calls and said she is coming home as soon as om brings x's car back. <P>I ask what happened about church, she said they went out to celebrate mom's birthday(thats another story!) and got home late and she didn't feel like getting up. I asked where was my phone call, she said she forgot.<BR>I told her that since I hadn't heard from here this morning or thsi afternoon, I had made plans(actually someone asked me to give them a ride somewhere.) and that she would have to be alone or not do her project. I then asked for x.<P>I asked her why no phone call and she said she thought we were talking about Easter Sun. We were but made specific plans for today too. She said she didn't remember that. I said something and she hung up. D called back a little later and said it was her fault not her mothers. I told her to tell her mother to get her head out of her a$$ and she hung up! I know ,I know, I shouldn't have said anything bubt I was livid. I can't stand x's excuses of I forgot, I didn't know, just give me time, this is all new to me, etc.<P>D called back later and said she could come then and x would pick her up in a couple hours. X brought d and s plus her new dog(another story) and I got her to sign the local tax form and then told her to start thinking more of the kids than as an after thought. She said she was leaving as she didn't have to be spoken to like that and started to drive away. I then thanked her for all her help with the kids over the past two weeks.<P><BR>She came back and picked up d at 6 and left without a word between either of us.<P>I do feel a lot better. Gotta pick my spots better when the kids aren't around though.<P>

Sorry to hear of your bad weekend. Keep track of it all and be ready to use it to your advantage when you need it.<P>Its a shame that she "didn't feel like getting up" for her own kids. Must be a rough life. The poor children deserve so much more than guilt gifts and a schedule that is "convenient" to mom. What about convenient to dad and appropriate for the kids??<P>Try to cheer up and hopefully Easter will go more smoothly. I think, in my state, but it might be in all that you could do this, but in the papers on visitation, the parent must call if they are going to be late. If they are more than half an hour late, you assume and it is a fact that the visitation is cancelled. No waiting around, chasing, etc. Its just eliminated. Keeping track of this will further reduce the allowed visitation in the future if thats what you decide. <P>The children are the most important here though, so its a tough call. <P>Dana<BR>

Bob,<P>Sorry things were cr@ppy for you this weekend. Your x is definitely enjoying ringing your bell. I have no idea why they enjoy these games so much. Well, maybe I do....I have often thought that the biggest thrill for the betrayer is the "control" aspect of having the affair. They get to control the betrayed spouse who generally wants them back and probably have the upper hand in the affair relationship, too. Ever think that some of this stuff you are dealing with is just her way to keep "control" of things????? My STBX does the same crap to me, only no small kids involved.<P>My divorce will be final soon...maybe this Friday. If not, then by next week. I am doing well. My MIL is visiting from out of state and she chose to stay with me for 8 days. My STBX bought a houseboat to live in on a nearby lake and his OW will be moving here in June to live with him. <P>I am enjoying life again. Not visiting here very much, due to spending more time LIVING again. <P>Life can be wonderful if we can find ways to let this stuff not eat us alive. I still struggle, too. He definitely can still get to me and play me some, just not as much as before. I see through alot of his manipulation and truly, he bores me to death. So, for the most part, I have been able to rise above a large measure of this. I still have the resentments and am continuing to work through those. But, more than anything, I feel happy again. I truly do.<P>Keep working on yourself, Bob. You will persevere! <P>Desiree <BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>