Hello all! This is my first post at this site. Ive been reading for awhile. You are all very supportive. So here goes my story. Im 29 H is 33. We have a 1 year old son. When son was 3 months old H started affair with woman from work. I found out Nov 11, 1999 I had to wait 2 weeks for him to decide if he wanted to work on our marriage or leave. He is in love, of course. We had some minimal troubles so I was willing to work it out. After 2 weeks, H decided to stay. After 3 weeks found out he was still seeing her & kicked him out. Gave him 1 more week to figure it out and he decided to leave. So our divorce will be final May 4th. This is the most devastating thing I have ever gone through. The fact that we have a child togeher makes it worse. Its harder having to see him once a week. I wish I could get over my obssesssive thoughts. I feel good when I think about my son and myself, but when I think about him and that other woman it makes me crazy. I so much want them to break up. I dont want him back, but I dont want them together. I wish I could stop thinking about them, and focus only on myself and son. Any advice out there?

I too am obessive when it comes to my H. He has waffled back and forth about out D (yesterday he told me he could not work on mariage again.<P>I hate the thought of someone else kissing him, sitting next too him ect. He was mine for 19 years.<P>I told my therapist haveing to sit back while he dates will kill me. She told me I could date too. Like I am ready, but then I am lonely and would like to go out and have some fun.<P>Letting Go will be very hard. It will not happening today, tomorrow ect. The more you stay busy with you and your son, the more you will not think about him.<P>My H is still madly in love with O/W. She is moving out of state (several states away) next month. But it is too late to save our marriage at this point.<P>I am trying to do the D as friends to keep the door open for him to come home at a later date. But that is hard when I get so mad at him ect.<P>Just remember that you will be connected to this man forever through your son. Time will be on your side and hope fully your obessive thoughts aobut him and his O/W will diminish.<P>I hope that helps!

I know exactly what you mean by obsessive thoughts. If H and I were divorcing because we just didn't want to be married it would be easier. But knowing he chose someone over me hurts like he!!. I can't help but despise her (and secretly wish that her armpits are infested with a thousand fleas). I hate the thought of them together too. So lately, when I start thinking that way, I just "turn it off". Denial can be a good thing. I will deal with it when I'm ready to. And for me, dating is the LAST thing I want to do right now. To tell the truth, I wish I could just lie around in bed all day, and eat chocolate, and read trashy novels. But with 3 kids, I can't afford to indulge in my depression. Fortunately I am on anti-deps and anxiety meds. Just know, you are not the only one who obsesses. I will be going to my lawyer for the first time next week. Wish me luck!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Thank you both for responding. Keridwen, you sound just like me. I could also handle it if it just wasnt working out. but to leave me and our baby for someone else is an undescrible pain. I to am on antidepressents. The other hard thing is I believe my husbannd is in big denial, because he says he isnt leaving for her, its because our marriage was over . (But he didnt ever want to leave before.) He tries blaming me for almost everything. He also doesnt think this will affect his relatuonship with his son. I hope he is in denial, I hope this isnt how he really thinks . Talk to you soon. Good luck with your visit. to the lawyer

Hilly,<P>Your H is quoting directly from the Infidelity 101 course. My x said the same thing, saying dhe couldn't stay with me any longer and needed to be alone. Om moves in a week later and she says he didn't want her to be alone plus he was helping pay for apt and she didn't want to be alone.<P>Do you truly want to save your marriage? If so, you need to back away from the divorce and read the accompanying info on this website. I my humble opinion, you may be moving too fast and have not given the affair time to die on its own. This is very difficult, sometimes impossible to bear as in my case, but you can not expect the betrayer to simply walk away from the op.<P>I don't think anyone here who has had success so far was fortunate enough to simply have their spouse return. It is a long and torturous trip.<P>Check other sites here such as PlanA/B, general questions, just found out etc, to get a flavor of what other people are doing. Most of the people on this site are here after long fights to save their marriages.<P>Please reconsider your quick divorce.<P><BR>God Bless<P>Bob