I've been separated from my wife now for almost two months. Divorce papers have been filed and she had moved out leaving me with the house and kids although she does give me money to pay mortgage and she does visit the kids. Yesterday she went to she a lawyer for what I can only assume, something pertaining to the divorce I'm sure. Now all of a sudden she wants to move back into the house with us, I asked her if she'd be willing to go to counseling and work on our marriage, she said no that it's over and nothing will change that, then I asked her why she wants to move back in, she says it's too expensive to live on her own and pay me. Well I know that's a lie because I know how much money she has and she's not hurting. My question is should I let her back in the house knowing we'll just be at each other's throats in hopes I may get her to come around? This situation would only be till the house sells then we'd be on our own. My problem is that I'm just now starting to get used to not having her around and not crying in my pillow at night. I'm just beginning to emerge from the despair I've been going through since she left, I don't think I could do that again if she came back and left again. If someone has any good advice I'm certainly open to it. Thanks in advance. Jax

I can tell you exactly why she wants to move in. By moving out and leaving you in the home with the kids she has increased her chances of your getting custody by 95%. Her attorney pretty much ordered her back into the home. She saw the attorney and realized exactly how much she'd pay and how much she'd loose with your having custody. Now, is it custody that YOU want IF your marriage ends in divorce? Now the answer that I don't have and you need to ask an attorney is if you can prevent her from coming back to the home? In Minnesota neither one of you can prevent the other access to the home until there is a temporary hearing and then the Judge makes that decision. So, if it's that way where you live then you might HAVE to let her move back in on a temporary basis. But, if it IS CUSTODY that you want then you need to make darn sure that it's documented that she was gone for a certain amount of time and you were the primary care giver and she only moved back because she realized how much she'd loose with you having custody.

Jax,<P>I completely agree with Bonnie. It sounds to me that since she talked to her lawyer, he probably told her that she should move back home for custody and support reasons.<P>Do what you need to do to protect you and your children. Definately talk to your attorney.<P>Mitzi<BR>

Thanks for the quick response, yes I suspected that might be the case but didn't really want to believe that. I've already contacted my lawyer and yes I do want custody of the kids. She likes to go out and do her partying. I'll see how it goes. thanks.

Jax, <P>I know a few people who have found themselves in this predicament and are in great pain because of it. I personally wouldn't let her back if its only to steal the custody out from under you. Talk to your lawyer and quick. <P>Prayers are with you, Dana<P><BR>

Jax,<BR>I agree with the others. I was in a somewhat similar situation in that my then w left me and the kids. The only difference is that my now x never wanted to come back.<P>I think she also had some poor advice from her lawyer. She seemed to think she could get alimony from me, and tried to use that as leverage in not having to pay child support, saying she wouldn't ask for alimony if she didn't have to pay or pay only a little child support.<P>She still trys to do it but I checked with my lawyer and now that we are done, she is on her own.<P>I would tell your w, what I told mine. I didn't think it would be good for the kids if she moved back in and then turned around and moved back out because it wasn't working for us.<P>I was right, in that in our attempted reconciliation, I tried for a month while she only tried for a week. It would have gone back to her sneaking around seeing om again and I couldn't stand for that.<P><BR>Do what is best for your kid/s and protect them. If w says you are through, then aske her to stay away. If she truly wants to work on marriage, welcome her back in Plan A.<P>Best of luck and God's Blessings<P>Bob

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Just got off the phone with my wife to ask her intentions, she definitely wants to move back in with me at the end of her apartment lease but does not want to reconcile just says she misses the kids. I told her I didn't want her to come back like that and said it would be harmful to the kids but she just told me I could leave. I talked to my attorney and she is going to file a motion and let the judge decide. Thanks for your prayers and wish me luck. Jax

Good luck and please under no circumstances do you LEAVE! Also, remember that documentation is extremely important. Write down your phone conversations with her. It's important that it's stated that she wants to move home but has no intentions of working on the marriage.