I will shortly be filing for divorce. I have 3 kids, and my H had an affair starting about a year ago. Anyway, should I change my name back to my maiden name? I want to, in a way. I think it would "free" me in some way, but it might confuse my kids (not to mention all the legal red tape). There's a really big part of me that wants this. To be honest, I always kind of resented having to take the male's last name (sorry guys-just being honest!). So in some ways it's not atypical that I would want my maiden name back. What are your opinions? I know this may seem like a silly question, but I really feel kinda torn about it.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

I thought about that too, but I'm not going to. I think the initial reaction is to do it to hurt your spouse. At least that's what I was trying to do. Be good to yourself which means make everything as easy as possible for you. The red tape could end up being a huge pain and you will always end up getting mail with your married name on it anyway.<P>If you absolutely need it for closure...do it. If there is a chance for reconciliation...don't! It is a HUGE LB!<P>Hang in there! I hope you are doing better this week.

I don't know. I think I would like to change my name back also. It is really not to get back at spouse, just to reclaim me. I actually changed my middle name to my maiden name when I married so it is on my licence and SS card already!!!!! <P>I guess I could just start signing with my middle name!!!!!!! I don't remember it being too difficult to do. Just have to go to SS office.

Well, at least I didn't get slammed!!! I really thought 1) all the men would be really p!ssed at me for saying what I said or 2) I would get told what a silly question this was. Thanks for taking it seriously. I don't think I'm wanting to do this to get back at H. I honestly don't feel we have a future anymore. He's just not interested. My maiden name is now my middle name too, but I just use the initial. Also, I like the way my name sounds better with my maiden name. And I'm hoping it will give me a sense of closure. But I guess what's bugging me is once I do it I can't go back. What if I decide it's a huge pain to do it all. Plus, it is kinda sad too. It's part of who I've been for the last 15 years. Ok, can you say "wishy-washy"? Arghh!<P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keridwyn --<P>I have the same problem. It took me a year and a half to finally start changing my name, and now he wants it to be over, so I'm truly on the fence because it's just as easy either way for me.<P>For you though, do take some things into account. I work for a health insurance company. It is really hard to get claims processed when the "family" name is not consistent. The wife would either keep her maiden name or what have you and the insurance almost always delay/deny payment because they didn't know which parent was responsible for the children's medical insurance. HMO's and the like can be funny that way. I know there are probably more repercussions also, just not able to think of them right this second.<P>By your signature line, I think you and I are similar in faith. I know how much a "name" means. It identifies us in ways some people don't understand. Discuss this with those around you and see if they have any insight also, would be my advise. <P>This is a tough time, with lots of decisions to make . . . as the others have stated, make what you can easier, as long as it makes you happy. <P>Bright blessings . . .<P>Robin aliamelyngar@aol.com<P>

Keridwen,<BR>I personally am keeping his name. But, its because I'm going to go to culinary school this fall and want to be a chef. The last name is Baker. It just fits too well!!LOL<BR>Also, my maiden name is a hard to spell Russian name.<BR>But, the most important reason is because I want the same last name as my son. You really have to do what makes the most sense to you. <BR>Lisa

Thanks for the advice. I hadn't thought about the whole insurance thing. I will be keeping the medical insurance for the kids because it's so cheap with my company and the benefits are great. Only $10 visit to Dr. of MY choice (as long as in PPO network). No referrals to go to specialists. Pays for anything. $10 for hospital stay. $10 for brand name prescriptions/$5 for generic. And it only costs me $65/mo for the whole family. Can't beat that. It would be a pain to have to re-submit every single claim. <P>Alia...I think our "faith" is probably the same. Merry meet dear one! E-mail me sometime. May I e-mail you?<P>I am in a quandary. I guess I will just have to think long and hard about this.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

I decided to keep my married name. I had it for 10 years and my children have the same name, my work place only knows my married name. The main reason I kept it, was for my kids. We could all share the same last name.

Keridwyn --<P>Yes, of course you can email me! It's aliamelyngar@aol.com. I try to check it every other day, but sometimes, between work and school I don't get around to it until the weekend!<P>I'm truly glad we don't have kids. My insurance (for myself as hubby works same company and has his own) costs me under $25 a month for med/dental. Should I have kids, that would jump up a lot.<P>Blessings on your way and the path you choose.

Dear Keridwen,<P>I was Divorced when our twins were 2 years old and never changed my name. Remarried when they were 6 to a wonderful man and took his name as my married name! - children CAN'T change theirs w/o fathers approval.<P>All the teachers & children's friends call me Mrs. P.... (ex-name), because that is the children's lastname. It doesn't bother me nor my husband. Their parents though know my "real name", and call me by it (or first name of course) we felt it was too confusing for children to change my name when we got divorced. and too confusing now to constantly correct children - So in reality, it is a mute point. <P>The important thing to do is really what makes you happy and "maybe" consider what your children have to say if they are old enough. Ours are 13 yrs old, and honestly they don't care either way - though they have expressed an interest in having both lastnames if possible. Don't think that will ever be able to happen because of ex. <P>Hope you make the right decision for YOU! <BR>~Pookie

Pookie...it's funny you mention asking what the kids think. I talked to them over the weekend about it and they were all rather nonchalant about it. They were like, "It doesn't bother me, whichever is fine." My youngest who is 9 said, "It doesn't matter what your name is, you're still the same person." Out of the mouths of babes. I still haven't decided, but I am now leaning towards keeping my married name for the convenience of it. I just don't know if I want to deal with the hassle of having a different last name than my kids. It's not like I have to decide right now. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com