My husband and I have been together for 9 years but we have only been married for 2 years. We have two children plus he has two from a previous marriage. I thought we where doing fine then one day he came home and told me he was leaving or I was leaving. I was shocked and told him we should talk about it he said when he felt like talking about he would. I left and then on Saturday night I went to talk to him but he still would not talk about it. On Sunday I went home and he left (where he went I don't know). Then on Monday he came home around 10:30 and I asked him if he was going to stay he said yes if it was ok with me. We talked he said he didn't know what was wrong and until he figured it out he could not tell me. Then I went to bed and he took a shower. The next morning there was a not saying how much he loved me and that he was sorry for all that he has done and that it was time for him to take responsibilty for everything. Then on Thursday he told me again that he did not know what was wrong and he had to figure it out and it was not me but him. Then on Sunday he told me the same thing again and that he was leaving and he was going to stay with a woman he had only been talking to for a week. He told me he felt like he owed me something for all that I've been through with him I told him he did not owe me anything because that's what a woman does when she loves her husband. Now he is making up reason's that are not important and he is not telling me the real reason why he left. He has know real excuse. He is is not willing for counseling and I don't know what to do because now he has filed for divorce and I know it can be worked out. I don't know how to get him to talk to me. He does not know how to show his feelings he keeps everything bottled up. Please help. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going crazy!!!!!

Welcome <B>bull</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>A while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums... and a new one added...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=34&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>Divorcing/Divorced</A>...when efforts at reconciliation fail or are failing.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>Please read everything starting at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post.<P>Do start on a "hard core" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>Get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> ASAP... and read it.<P>Come here to the forums...<BR>...for as much support as you need.<P> <P>Jim

I understand your confusion and despair. Please try to heal you own heart by letting him go for a sufficient amount of time to understand what he is missing by leaving you.<P>My situation is similar. My husband started this year by admitting to me that he had made some severe financial mistakes for which we would have to pay. A few weeks later, he told me that his life so was so stressful that he felt trapped and felt the need to distance himself from me, our friends and our family. For a while, he told me that he wasn't leaving me and that I shouldn't treat him like that. Then he told me that he didn't think he could be a loving husband (but he could be my friend). Then he told me that he thinks divorce is the only option. This week he asked me if my brother might want to go fishing with him. I think this must be what purgatory must be like.<P>The last three months have been a constant emotional roller coaster. So I suggest that you first try to get off the ride. Don't try to get into his head. Get inside your head and heart and work out your own problems. Tell him that you love him and understand he needs space to evolve. Encourage him to protect himself (and YOU) from STD's. Let him know that when he is willing to work on Plan A with you, you will be willing to work with him. Mostly, love him enough to let him go (and make his own mistakes). I know it's hard but the only option you have is to control how you think and feel. You can't control what he thinks or how he acts.\<P>HUGS!<P>Karel