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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14 |
I was married for 9 years with 2 young daughters to a man that was my best friend (not good lovers). I ended up having an affair with someone and couldn't handle the infidelity so I demanded a divorce. My ex was a great dad and person. I miss the whole life that we had, as now I have lost his family and all of my friends... I don't know if I should try to get him back or if I should move on. I really need advise. This happened 2 years ago, and I am still totally depressed over the mess that I caused. Please, advise from anyone?
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 818
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 818 |
We need more info. How is your relationship with him now?
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14 |
My relationship with my ex is good right now. He says he is happy with his life, and we get along fine. We share custody of the girls, and communicate regularly without ever fighting. I did lend him some money to buy a fixer upper 2 family house. I have asked him out repeatedly, but he says no. I have not pushed the issue, because the guilt I have just wants to let him move on with his life. I really messed him up. Oh, and my family still loves him and invites him over regularly.
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 413
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 413 |
Do you think there is still a chance with him? Have you read any books yet? You might try reading "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley. It talks about ways to meet your spouse's (or x-spouse) emotional needs, which is what you need to do if he is to love you again. If he no longer wants the relationship, you are going to have a long row to hoe. I wish my H would wake up before its too late. But I'm afraid that will never happen.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,125
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,125 |
Hi Mom!<P>I have a question.... Have you talked to him about wanting to get back together? Have you sat him down and told him how much you miss him, how much you love him, and that you want to rebuild your marriage?<P>Sometimes the direct approach is the best. He still may not want to get back together, but at least you will know exactly where you stand (at least at that moment anyway ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif) ).<P>I wish you the very best of luck with this.... just keep "Plan A'ing" him and take it slow. <P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14 |
Butterfly -<P>Thanks for your note. I have not really sat him down and talked serious. I have always dropped him an e-mail or casually asked him out, or said that I want us to try again. Once he says no, I back off. I don't want to hurt him again.. I guess I need to really know if it is over. If there is no chance in getting together again, then I need to move on and "be happy". I will definitely read up on "Plan A" and learn the ropes.. I am very new to this site and the Marriage Builders process. Thanks again!
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Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 123
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Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 123 |
Momof2<P>My situation is similar to your husband's. My divorce was final after multiple affairs by my wife last year and her filing for divorce. She has recently hinted at us getting back together, but I have no interest since I have seen no change in her and since she has done nothing to address her problems and issues. The question I would ask you if I were your ex is "what is different about you now so that this will never happen again?".<P>Tom
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 14 |
I guess the real thing I need to figure out is if I miss my ex-husband, or I miss the life I used to have. Is it right to go back to have that life and let the children have their parents together? Or, is that worse for the children in the long run? I am not sure. Any suggestions?
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