Hi Everyone,<P>I'm feeling really down today.... I just found out that my X-SIL & her H are in town visiting my X. I have always been close with my XIL's.... even aunts, uncles & cousins. <P>I'd very much like to see them while they are here, but I don't know if they want to see me. I'm sure my X has told them stories about what a terrible person I am... and they probably believe him (they are his family after all). He is probably telling them that I divorced him, when he is the one who filed, and ultimately pushed the divorce. <P>I could just call to talk to them, but I have made a couple of attempts to keep in touch (Christmas cards & stuff), but have received no response back. I have not only lost my H, but a big part of my family, and it hurts. <P>Since we have no children, there is no "necessity" of keeping contact w/ them.... but I still want to. <P>Any thoughts?<P>Thanks<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Hi! I have the potential problem. Neither my husband or I has filed for divorce yet, but it's something he says he wants. My biggest fear is losing the relationship that I've formed with his parents and siblings. He doesn't understand this fear because he says that our relationship is totally separate from my relationship with his family. Since we don't have any children, I can't even used the excuse of allowing his family access to the kids.<P>But I agree with you. How do keep up a relationship for your x-IL's. I think you have done everything you can. You might try one last attempt by sending them a card telling them how important they where in your life and that you would like to know that they are doing well. If they don't respond, then move on knowing that you did everything you could.<P>Karel<P>

Butterfly,<BR> I was pretty close to my in-laws for 24 years.I did a lot with them,and for them.After my W cheated on me,she ran to her family and dumped out 24 years of half-truths,exaggerations,and some well-placed lies about me.I guess what really hurts is that she cheated on me,and they believed every word she said.None of them even called me to ask my side of the story,or if she was telling the truth.Her mother even said"Are you saying MY daughter is lying to me?"<BR> <BR> So after I was made to feel guilty about her being forced into an affair,I continued to call them,and talk to them.But I was pretty much given the brush-off.I called one of my BIL's and he wasn't even told about the affair,just how I was this terrible H.All the rest of her big family were told that we had"grown apart"(can you say"Naive"?)<BR> <BR> But you're right,it's HIS family,and you are the horrible ex-spouse.I know,it hurts like hell,but there's nothing you can do about it.You probably should just forget about being close to them because they aren't your friends anymore.They may just be uncomfortable seeing you,and would just soon not deal with that.I know what you're feeling,though. --Murph

I'm lucky I guess, my x gave up on her family and I have been able to salvage that relationship. It is strained, in fact the grandparents are coming to watch the kids next month. My SIL also wants me to come and visit them over July 4th.<P>I say give them a call to see if they are willing to see you. Expect the worst so you won't be disappointed.<P>Bob

I would say to at least TRY it! I didn't think it was possible either until I took my MIL to lunch last week. We have been in contact almost every day now since then.<P>

B,<BR>Go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that they say no. <P>This is a wonderful gesture on your part. It shows the loving kindness that God has gifted you with. I applaud you for allowing God to use you in a mighty way.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Well, I'm not sure how long they are planning to be in town... I have to go out of town tomorrow, but I thougth I might give them a call (X doesn't have a home phone... only his cell, so he may not even let me talk to them). I'm going to try though. I know that I may get told to got to h#!!, but at least I will know I tried.<P>Karel (neat name),<BR>I guess we are in the same boat. I know my X probably has been telling them all kinds of horrible things, but I'm still going to try again.<P>Murph,<BR>I'm sorry that things didn't work out well for you. I'm going to try.... if they give me the brush off, then I'll let it go.... but just like with my marriage, I have to at least try.<P>Bob, <BR>Thanks... I will expect to be told to take a long walk off a short cliff. But I will hope that she will want to talk to me. Maybe we could go shopping while the "boys" go golfing or something. Ya never know.... It could happen! (imagine a Judy T voice there!)<P>Teddy Bear,<BR>Thanks for the words of encouragement! Maybe they miss me as much as I miss them....<P>Rob,<BR>What, no Mondo Hug?!?!?!?! <BR>Thanks for the compliment. Maybe He will open their hearts to me again, if not now, maybe sometime in the future.<P><BR>OK, I'll try giving them a call tomorrow.... I'll let ya'll know what happens.<P>Thougths & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

I guess I am lucky, as well ... I was the one who told his sisters that he was leaving me and why, because he wouldn't say anything to them at all... so they know the REAL story of what has happened. At this point, they feel like I am more of a part of the family than he is. He doesn't call or visit any of them, and I do.<P>Initially, I was despondent about losing my other family of 15 years, but they have made it very clear that I will always be a part of the family!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Well, I tried........<P>I called X's cell phone Saturday.... got the message that "the customer you are calling is <B>not answering</B>. That means the phone was on, he was not using it, and he saw my # on the caller id and just didn't answer.<P>Maybe I'll try sending her another card, right now I don't know.<P>I'm going to post another thread that will explaine about a LB that will not be from me, but will affect me anyway.<P>Thanks for all the support. <P>Thougths & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Next time block your number with *67!!!<P> <P>Send the card!!

TB,<P>I did the block last time when I needed to talk to X. I would have, but it just didn't seem worth the fight it would have caused between us, and would have then made it impossible to talk to his sister.... which was why I called. I think it would have put her on the defensive a little too.... if X and I had started the call off fighting.<P>I will send a card to them telling them I'm sorry that I didn't get the chance to see them while they were here, and I hope they had a good time. We'll see what happens.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>