In the time that my husband and I have been separated we both turned to others. Now we are trying to reconsile our marriage. We have both made a committment to bettering ourselves. My question is this:
<p>Is it okay for us to stay friends with the people we got involved with during the separation?
<p>We both have decided to not "see" the other people anymore, but both of us talk to them. We live in a very small town so not "bumping into them" is nearly impossible. Unforntunately for me, the man I turned to was my best friend. Now our friendship is quite strained. I feel bad, but am very willing to not call him or take calls from him, only seeing him around town. The woman my husband turned to is in a very difficult marriage herself. He is afraid to tell her not to call because she says he is the only one she confides in. I understand not wanting to abandon someone in need, but I tend to think she still holds out hope that it will turn out to be something more than friendship. I also know she's looking for a way out. I have been there when he has told her of our intensions of working on ourselves and our marriage. But I can't help but wonder if she is still carrying a torch. I did contact her and asked her to please not make it anymore difficult for us to work on our marriage. She seemed pretty receptive to this. Maybe I'm just overreacting. But it all comes back to the question: Is it okay to be friends with these people?
<p>Juli (e-mail ISISHECATE@AOL.COM)<p>[This message has been edited by Juli.]

Juli - it seems to me that in this situation, the problem is akin to an alcogholic 'trying' to reform, but at a dinner table, asking to have the glass of wine or beer passed to him - 'just so I can smell the bouquet'.....
<br>Bigger problem is a small town, and the high incidence of meeting in the streeet - at least you both got into it - and not just one of you.
<br>I reckon that once you've had a bonk with someone, you are more than 'just friends' or even 'good friends', and so the only solution is cold turkey ... as you can feel with your husband, he is now caring for another woman - which is wrecking rule 1 of the 4 rules for a successful marriage....., because he is not giving all that care to YOU..
<br>Maybe leaving town is not such a bad option....
<br>

Break all contact. This is a must for each of you. My wife had an affair with someone in town she met at the gym. She stopped immediately, but, refused to stop going to the gym. Now, the gym is the major problem in my life.
<br>You have to discuss whether the contact is more important than your spouse.

Julie,
<br> I have to agree with the two previous post. Like Bill's situation I would have a big problem with my wife going to the gym. Just be honest and let the other person know that your spouse means more to you than they do, in a nice way. Explain why you cant talk any more, if they call you tell them that you have allready explained the situation. Stay away 100% and good luck with your husband.
<br> Ken

Julie,
<p>I agree with Bill and Ken S. You have to tell these other people you are not turning your back on them. They have to know that your number one priority is your relationship. At this point, everything else should be secondary. What is more important their friendships or your relationship? Does your husband agree with you? Good Luck!