WOW ! She did a 180 degree turnaround on me .<BR>If anyone remembers, myself and the bride were going to have a long chat. Signls coming from her indicated that she may be interested in getting our family together as one again. Well, Monday I took off from work, took the boys to school, and met with her in a local park and we talked for three hours. She told me of incidents that I had comletely forgotten about. Only she could remember this stuff. She's remarkable like that ! <SMILE><P>Well, by the time I finished expressing myself, telling her that I was wrong and yes I believe that things can change for the better, and her telling me that yes, there still is that feeling........BUT, she says,<BR>BUT......I'm still going through with the divorce! After the past three weeks, getting along so well, talking again like we used to, and so on ! BAM ! <P>Her response was that I wasn't remorseful enough AND how convenient that I now come around and try to reconcile when we have a court date on Monday to finalize the divorce!<BR>It was like sweeping an ocean wave with a broom, only to have the whole thing come back in my face.<P>As of today, I feel like a death row inmate who has lost all of his appeals ! I know that her parents have financed her legal fees for the past year and a half, which have to have amounted to some tab! I believe that her mother has a major influence in her decision making process, thus leaving me with no choice but to abandon ship and let the chips fall where they may.<P>I have realized my grave mistake in taking on an affair outside the marriage. Yes, I screwed up BIG TIME. I have offered reconciliation. I have guaranteed her that her groundrules were ones that I would adhere to. I would have done anything. She said no. <P>I will live with this and suffer with my mistakes. I also believe that in time, she too will realize her decision was one that she will regret.<P>I hope somebody else has better news !

John,<P>You tried...<BR>...you can't knock yourself on that.<P>I too will be pressured into a divorce...<BR>...and will most likely continue my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> for a while after... (or until my W marries the OM.)<P>I'm praying for you...<BR>...I know your pain<P> <P>Jim

John,<P>Just because there is a divorce coming does not mean there is no chance to reconcile. I know of a few couples who got remarried after the divorce. One couple remarried years later. <P>She may feels pressured by her parents to go thru with the divorce. I know when my H left, my parents thought I should run out the next day and file. I wasn't ready and didn't let them talk me into it. But it was hard since they were helping me out financially and I felt I owed it to them. <P>Keep up with the plan A. You never know...<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

John,<P>Just because you had the affair, the breakdown of your marriage is not all your fault. Your wife contributed to the problems both before and after that affair. I'm not suggesting the affair was her fault, you made that mistake, but all marriages are two way streets. <P>Her refusal to accept your sincere attempts at reconcilliation is a way for her to avoid admitting her role in the break-up. She gets to say it's all your fault, and can feel guilt-free in ending the marriage.<P>For your wife to accept your sincerity, and make a real attempt at reconcilliation, she will have to accept half the responsibility for the marriage succeeding or failing. She is not ready to do that.<P>Don't blame yourself for everything. Take responsibility for what you did wrong, but also give yourself credit for what your did right, and what you know you are capable of doing.<P>Cheers,<BR>Kenneth

Kenneth is right, he gave you good advice. To your advantage you have kids together so you'll always have some sort of bond and communication with each other. Maybe your wife feels that by divorcing you she is "evenings up the chips", and will be able to look at it all differently after the divorce. Just because your divorced doesn't mean it's over.

John,<P>I'm not sure what you expect from your W, but you are expecting a lot from her under the circumstances.<P>Weren't you just recently co-habiting with OW? Or, are you still living with OW?<P>Also, don't you have a problem with alcohol? Are you dealing with that? Are you in AA or in therapy?<P>Didn't you promise your W that you would break it off with OW, yet you went back and lived with OW?<P>Of course your W doesn't trust you. What do you expect?<P>You have to sincerely show her by ACTION that you want the marriage. Words are NOT enough. You've already proven to her that she can't trust what you have to say. You need to prove yourself again.<P>If you divorce, always keep in mind that your W & you can always remarry.<P>You first need to show her that you are a "changed" man.<P>First, take action to change yourself into a better person that your W would want to be with & married to. Prove yourself to her.<P>Then, after the transformation....that's when you can woo her back.<P>It isn't too late....so get started!