almost 34 years ago "husbsand"took vows and then stopped. no communication, nosharing, no caring, no protection, no sex(sometimes as long as a year between). a couple of years ago he informed me (just the facts, kind of man) that he had lost all interest in me when i became a mother(10 mmonths after wedding) His seclusive odd behavior becomes more so all the time. children gone and now I have lost hope. I hate even the word divorce but what else can i do? I'm starving here.

ouch <P>I don't usually post on this forum - over at General questions you can usually get better replies.<P>34 years of marriage, and since you had a child after being married 10 months, your husband has ignored you?<P>I am not sure what else you can do, what have you done? I know you hate divorce - and I did a search, and found out that your husband had an OW.<P>Have you tried plan A? How are the lovebusters in your house? What are his emotional needs?<P>34 years seems like a long time - it is worth fighting for to gain the love back from your husband.<P>Something happens to a person when they have an affair. Deception at it's worst. They just kinda lose all sense of truth. I think it is part chemical euphoria, and justification to continue doing what they know is wrong. <P>Conscience is usually there unless they are anti-social or some other true personality disorder. Dr. Harley says that during an affair the betrayer does exhibit personality disorders. It isn't uncommon.<P>But, if it isn't uncommon - does that mean that the marriage is history? No! It means that affairs and the behavior that happens between the betrayer, betrayed and other person is predictable! <P>Harleys have been dealing this for years, and have a 90%+/- success rate, as opposed to traditional marriage counseling where the success rate is somewhere in the 20% range.<P>Be sure and read everything under basic concepts, and if you do not want a divorce, don't get a divorce. There are lots of alternatives, main one right now seems like it could be plan A.<P>God Bless You, see at the General Questions forum next time.<P>TNT