<br>On Sept 11 I filed for Divorce from my wife, I still love her Very Much but i could not take her non commentment to our marriage. Now
<br>4 weeks later we have been talking often and spending 1 afternoon a week with each other and the kids. I bought her a promise ring and she is now wearing it. To us it means there is still hope whatever so slight, I talking with her over the last 2 weeks on the phone I belive she is makeing an effort but she is afraid of what her family will think,
<br>during one of our phone call she asked me to back off a little bit that the more I push the further I drive her away, I am very confused were do I draw the line between trying to repair the trust and love and when do I need to Back off, without her thinking that I am giving up?
<br>I truly Belive we can Become a Family again and I belive She wants the same thing.
<br> She also agreed to see our counsler under the pretense that she is doing it to help me
<br>Understand what she is feeling.
<br>she has told me she has built this wall around her and that I broke her Heart (when I found out I broke her heart I cryed for 3 days. I told her I wanted the chance to remove the wall one brick at a time and that I wanted to repair her broken heart
<p>any Advice would be greatly recived
<p>Thanks for Listing
<br>Jim

Jim, there's a really good book out there called "Winning Your Wife Back"...My husband got it at a Gary Smalley conference, but I'd guess it could be found in or ordered from a Chrisitian book store. It is very easy to read and written in sports terminology to be male-friendly. From a woman's point of view, the advice is very good advice. I wish my husband would use it! It sounds as if you have your foot in the door. I think your wife is confused. Maybe too many people are trying to tell her what to do. I suggest that you take it easy for a while and just let things flow (if you're a Christian, the phrase I like is "let go and let God..."). Be friends. Don't be pushy. Let her talk. Listen. Give her what she needs. Romance her in a non-sexual way...small bouquets, a locket, Godiva chocolates (just a few you picked out yourself), afternoon phone calls that last just long enough for you to tell her you care, a foot massage (if she'll allow it), a book, tickets to a show she's wanted to see for years, TIME, or SPACE. Whatever her needs are, meet them. It'll be hard, but if you are gentle (and read that book!), I'll bet you can do it. You sound like you miss her. Take care of yourself, too, okay? Go to a gym, visit with friends, build a satisfying life for yourself. You'll be more relaxed, less likely to put pressure on her, and probably more appealing. Good luck with the counseling (don't bet into arguments or place blame and you'll be better off!). I hope it works.

Jim,
<p>Join the club. I've been going through the same thing. This past week end we went off alone together. But this week you'd think I was a business partner. Tonight my wife asked me if I wanted sex. This irks the hell out of me. She knows I do.
<br>I told her that I was keeping my promise not to push her, and that I was keeping my promise not to badger her. But I cannot sit here and look happy while I feel like a single man and get little or no affectionate contact until next time for sex. Like any man I love sex but even I can't handle it on those terms. Thing is I know I'll cave.
<br>My wife has that same wall around her. The thing that drives me nuts is that she says she can tell I'm serious about doing things differently and that she can see definite changes in my behavior. Yet she stays behind that wall. And she said if I take her to a counselor I'll be wasting my time and money.
<br>Who can deal with such a defeatist attitude?
<br>My sister told me tonight I'll have to stick it out. Guess there is no choice if I want to try and keep her. But this is a grinder like I've never experienced. I'd almost take a bullet as a substitute if it would get me off this treadmill of suffering.