Hi everyone. I went to my lawyer last week to file for D. H and I were getting along pretty well except I wouldn't go to his mom and dad's for easter - it was too uncomfortable. So I dropped the kids off yesterday. I know a lot of you here are divorcing as friends, but I have had a very hard time getting over the hurt, the anger, the resentment...you name it. We're not arguing, but we're definitely NOT friends. I didn't want a D, but H did. I went ahead and filed so I could move on. Well, here's my problem. I woke up at 12:30 am (this morning) with a kidney stone. Probably the most painful thing in the universe. I couldn't walk much less drive myself to the Hospital. So I called H to come and get me. While we're on the phone (and I'm in agony) he starts asking why am I so cold and distant with him when we're together. Could I possibly STILL be angry with him? Why? He knows this is the best thing for both of us and in time I will know it too. Finally I convince him to hang up the phone and come get me. We spent from 1 am to 4:30 am in the Emergency room. Came home (I was pretty doped up). I went to bed and he said he was going to stay here the night. Which was good, seeing as how I was so doped up. Somebody had to get the kids up for school. Yes, they stayed here while we went to the Hospital - oldest is 14. Anyway, he gets in bed with ME! We've been separated since Jan 30. Then he proceeds to want to have sex! I tell him no that I am in pain and drugged and I just want to sleep and it would be a bad idea anyway. Only hours before he had been trying to convince ME we shouldn't be together and then he tries to have sex with me. What gives? To tell you the truth, I didn't want to have sex just because I didn't want to with him. After all, the OW is the "love of his life". Anybody got a handle on what's going on here?????<P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Wow! Well it could be a number of things. First of all, I've heard of and seen a lot of marriages do a complete turn around once the betrayed stops the begging and the playing of a door mat. Once they act very independant with an almost "I don't care about you anymore attitude" the betrayer starts to re-think things. Once they start the divorce proceeds and it really starts to sink in of what it all entails so many start to re-think their attitude about wanting a divorce. So, that could be one. You went from begging him to stay with you to looking like you were on your way to being independent and not needing him. Another possibility (and only you'd know the answer to this because you know him much better then me), is that he likes the idea of two women wanting him. The OW and you. He realizes that your pulling away from him and even though he doesn't want to continue with the marriage, his ego loves it when you still "want" him. When a woman (or man) really loves somebody what can sometimes set their feelings back is intimacy. He likes the woman who is dependent on him and "needy" and your changing. So, it could mean that he's re-thinking your relationship or it could mean he's stroking his ego.

Maybe he thinks having sex with you will make you want to be friendly with him??!?!?<P>He seems overly concerned with you two being friends. Saying that your D is for the best is just him trying to relieve his guilt. <P>At some point are you going to ask him about this? I wonder how his OW would feel about this....<BR>

Keridwen, <P>You and I were always about at the same point in this affair discovery and although, I don't have specific advice, I do agree with BonnieSept. (hi bonnie)<P>Maybe he is not comfortable with the distance you have put between yourself and him. Maybe he is not totally happy with OW. Maybe, he is just taking advantage of you when you're vulnerable (something that is currently happening to me), that maybe he feels he can get to you while you are sad and hurt. What does the OW think of him going over there?<P>I hope you are feeling better. Be strong! Don't let him get to you when you are down!<BR>Dana<BR>

He wanted to have sex with you right after you've spent 3 hours in an ER and are groggy from pain meds? Ick. Sleeping in your bed, fine (if ok with you). Holding you would have been nice, but this sounds very manipulative, controlling on his part, to me, not to mention selfish...? <P>Maybe I'm being too hard on (so to speak ) him, but something sounds really wrong to me.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Lor(Lor)<P>I was so relieved to see your post...I was thinking the same thing. It just reminded me of a man who wants to have sex about a week after a baby is born. I know it is not the same thing....but it still made me feel uneasy.<P>Maybe he is turning around.....but for some reason I am not sure that you want him to.<P>Would you be willing to take him back? Do you still love him?<P>But for the most part I am so happy to see that he cared enough to take you there. I would love to think that my stbx would have done the same thing....but I know better....in fact he probably would have called the police and tried to have me arrested for calling him.<P>I hope you are feeling better....<BR>Get well soon<P>Prayers,<BR>Nancy

Keri,<P>First off, I'm so sorry for your VERY PAINFUL physical ordeal, which I've heard can be compared to LABOR. <P>Secondly, I'm happy that your H **did** take you to the ER. <P>Third, I'm happy that he at least STOPPED when you asked him to, otherwise I hope you'd be filing rape charges. <P>And fourth, please, please, please take care of YOU, quit worrying about what he was doing -just know that it was WRONG, and protect yourself the best you can. <P>Also, you were right not to feel pressured into having sex with him... in your doped up state you kept your head. I commend you!! <P>Take very good care, Keridwen... you deserve it.<P>

Thanks for the responses. You know, its interesting Mental & Lor what you said about me maybe not wanting him anymore. His behavior really set me back. It made me feel "icky". To tell you the truth, the more I think about it, the less I want to be with him. There was a point when I would have done anything to get him back, but now that I'm starting to feel good about my future, all his wanting sex did was to make me feel even more distant from him. It was kind of sick to me. Talk about selfish. As for the OW knowing, she lives 800 miles away, so I doubt she will know about this although I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate him trying to seduce me while on pain meds. What an idiot! You know, I'm almost glad he tried something. It's made me see what a slimeball he can be. Which makes it a lot easier to let go. I don't think at this point I want him back or for things to turn around. I've found out things about him over the last year that I really never wanted to know. I just don't think we can go back. You guys are right about the guilt part. I think he's trying to convince HIMSELF this is the best thing, not me. I cannot imagine trying to take advantage of someone when they are obviously in pain. You know, I think this little incident may have been a turning point for me. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com