<BR>I thought I'd give a little update. I haven't talked to my H since March 12th and haven't seen him since the hearing this month. Even then I didn't speak to him.<P>Saturday he called while we weren't home, so I had my oldest call him back. He talked to each one of the boys for a little while. (He hadn't talked to them since March 5th). <P>Then he called this morning thinking the boys were in school. He was asking if I had 1/2 of the money to pay the back house payments. I told him I did and he said he didn't have quite enough for his share. I, maybe stupidly, told him I could pay the whole thing and pay the property taxes and he could reimburse me. (My father got a loan for me so I could pay it). He said ok since he was ordered to pay half of the marital debt. We agreed to that.<P>Then this evening my oldest had baseball practice and H showed up there. I told him that I sent the money for the house and that I'm going to pay the taxes tomorrow. Then we got to talking about the house payment for May and the child support. He got mad because for now he is ordered to pay child support and 1/2 of the house payment. He doesn't want to pay anything but the child support. I told him he'd just have to talk to his lawyer about it. So, he proceeded to get mad and leave. <P>I don't know what his problem is. He's the one who wanted the divorce. He's the one who walked out and he's the one who is going to pay what he is ordered to pay. I did get angry at him but I also told him that I would not be blamed for this mess anymore. He was the abusive one and he's the one who had the affair. NOT ME! He will not make me feel responsible for this anymore!! And because he gets a burr in his a** about money, my kids are the ones who get punished. Oh well, he's the one who will have to deal with that when he no longer has a relationship with them!!<P>Ok, now that I vented in my update, I'm done! <P>Thanks for listening!<P>Mitzi

Sorry about the way things turned out with H. It's hard when you try to be the nice guy and help the other financially and they don't reciprocate with kindness. I helped my STBX with getting a new car because he was upside down in the one he had and he thanked me but then got angry with me over the littlest things and ended up taking off for the weekend with the OW (on Good Friday). I felt so stupid for giving him the money. It seemed like I had financed his getaway. But, thinking back, I know I gave him the money because I felt he needed it for the car and we had saved some money on taxes, so I thought he should share in that little windfall. I did it out of kindness. What he decides to do with it is his decision. If he didn't use it for the car, his loan will be higher so it will affect him in the long run.<BR>My STBX wants to be my best friend through all this and can't stand to see me upset. He keeps saying he is sorry for hurting me and seems very sincere. But it is an empty apology. He says he is sorry for hurting me, but just keeps on doing the things that hurt me. He thinks the divorce is the best thing for both of us and that we are both good people just not right for each other. I hopes that I find the right person soon so I can be happy. I said that I didn't want to hear his wishes for me to find someone else. That hurts. I also said that you can't look to others for your happiness. You have to find it in yourself. I think that was one of our biggest problems. We kept trying to look to the other to make us happy but that is impossible. Hopefully, during this time, I can figure out what makes me happy and not look to others to fill my heart up (except God, of course).<P>Oh, well. There is my vent in return.

711,<P>I think what bothers m H so much is that I don't hate him and I'm not angry with him all the time. I do stuff to be the nice person and I go out of my way so he can see the kids. According to the visitation agreement, he's supposed to get them every other weekend and every wednesday for a couple of hours. By all rights, today is not even his day to see them. I do what I can to accomodate him. I even gave him a copy of our sons baseball schedule so that he'll know when all the games are. And I filled him in on whats been happening with them. I think maybe I need to have even less contact with him and no give in on the visitation schedule. But I don't want it to seem like I don't want the boys to see him. I just don't want to be as nasty to him as he has been to me. I know how it feels to have every word that someone says to you be hateful. I'm not that type of person.<P>I can understand why you don't want to be friends with your H. Just be civil and leave it at that.<P>Feel free to vent whenever you need to! <P>Mitzi<BR>

Mitzi,<P>I have decided to tey and be a little more civil to my x too, but I am not going out of my way to be kind to her. I am trying not to let the stupid things she does get to me, and she seems to be cutting back on the stupid things she does with the kids.<P>It doesn't do me any good to be aggravated, especially about little things. As far as the kids are concerned, I mailed her the kids practice schedules as the game schedules are out yet. She has made no offer to help with running them around unless its her day with them.<P>As far as filling her in, I let that up to the kids and her. If she is interested, she can ask them, if they want to tell her they can. I let her know dates of things as best I can but I don't go out of my way to help her have a relationship with the kids, I don't believe that is my responsibility.<P>I don't want to be her friend as this isn't the kind of friend I would value, one that lies and deceives.<P>I don't trust her anymore. I am thinking about asking her to remove her name from a savings account we have for our daughter. Not because she would steal they money, but if she decides to take off, how would I get the money out. I'll have to check with the bank to see if I can do that without her being in on it. The money all comes from my mother anyhow and I would imagine she would want it that way if she thought about it.<P>

Mitzi<P>Sorry to hear your news. My STBX (May 4th) is not rude to me, but I think he is finally figuring out he is not going to be living the high life as a single man. I think these EX's dont think through the financial reality of a divorce before they go through with it. Once again they are in fantasy land. I told my H D is expensive; now we have 2 of every bill. So I'm sure thats why your H is mad. It's not as rosey as he thought. I'm thinking my H is lucky because his woman makes good money!<P>Hilary

Bob,<P>I also have to get my H's name taken off of bank accounts. I have a paper for him to sign giving me permission to get it off. I forgot to ask him to sign it. I think he will, at least I hope so. If not, I'll just have to close out the accounts and open new ones in my name only. It's all just a big pain in the behind. <P>It amazes me how they are the ones that leave and we have to take care of all the details like this. <P>Chin up,<BR>Mitzi

Hilary,<P>No need to be sorry. It's nothing new for my H to act this way. Believe me, it was a lot worse when he lived here. <P>I know that's why he's angry. He hates giving me money and thought he would get out of paying any of the bills. He needed to get a little legal advice to begin with. <P>He's definately not gonna live the high life. His OW works as a custodian part time at the courthouse and part time at a sleazy bar. Not what I would call big bucks!<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<BR>I'm so glad to hear from you....I have been wondering what has been going on. Between you and Medic......I have been on the edge of my seat....waiting to be updated.<P>I am so sorry that your H is angry....it makes it difficult to even be civil sometimes. I feel like RWD...I DO NOT want to be my H friend. I was his friend....supposedly his best friend and he treated me this way. Nope....it will not happen. <P>But I am like you....I just don't want to be angry....I hate anger....it is a horrible emotion that causes people to say and do some horrible things that can cause permanent damage. But you know what.....not being angry has caused a lot of problems for me. <P>Mitzi...you should be mad......look at the way he treated you in your marriage. You deserved to be treated with respect. The same with me. Since I did not show anger towards my stbx....the CE said that I am the type of person who holds it all in and it turns to vindictiveness. Of course that is absolutely not true....but who do the courts believe......someone who is labeled "crazy" ...you know...the person who couldn't get angry and should have been.....or the H who had the affair...abused his children and his wife....a wife that still has feelings for him and should be angry. <P>ooops...sorry...venting<P>I am so glad that you seem to be doing good. You are so strong. Your strength is so evident in your posts. With the risk of sounding "dorky"....I am so proud of you<P>Nancy

Nancy,<P>You didn't sound dorky! <P>I think I've just me to realize that I wasn't happy for a lot of my marriage. Sure, things are difficult financially but we always had money problems. So it's nothing new. <P>I was so afraid of seeing him, but it really didn't bother me that much. I usually want to touch him or hug him but I didn't this time. I don't hate him but I honestly don't think I love him. Maybe this is indifference. I do feel sorry for him. In the sense that he has lost so much because of his own stubbornness and I don't think he'll ever truly be happy.<P>Hugs,<BR>Mitzi <P>P.S. I can tell from your posts that you are starting to fight. Good for you!!!!

{{{{{{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>My miserable STBX will not pay me any money either. If he did, I'd be just fine. I think that is great that he has to pay half the mortgage. Vent all you need to, I am here to listen, and send me an email too, cause I haven't heard from you in a while.<P>Prayers and hugs, Dana<BR>

Hi Dana!<P>My STBX is stubborn! I have a good lawyer and if he doesn't pay what he is supposed to, he'll haul him back into court. I found out that he didn't file our state tax return. He wanted the papers and wanted the responsiblity of doing it but he can't even do that. My lawyers supposed to get ahold of H's lawyer and find out what is going on. I'm hoping he can get it straightened out. More frustration!!!<P>See ya,<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<BR>Sorry I didn't reply to you about my court case the other day. As it turned out it wasn't before the judge, yet. We sat down with a kind of pencil pusher. She took down the info on his income and mine(none, stay home mom). She took income tax statements from last 3 years. He was so mad!!! It is to establish temp. child support. We will have to go in again for spousal support another time.He didnt have a lawyer. He started going on and on about how me and my lawyer were plotting against him! Like he was some victim. Unbelieveable! They are just mad because the courts are going to force them to pay. He has been paying the mortgage and car payment. He stopped giving me money for utilities, food and etc. a month ago. I am suppose to use up what savings I have. Yet he had money to go to Florida and shack up with the OW for a long Easter weekend. It is all so sickening! The evening after this court visit he had my son for dinner. He took him over to his apartment after they ate. My son says my H has about 5 or 6 pictures of him and OW all over apartment. It is a small one bedroom. OW then called 10 minutes after they got there. Then called again. He was only there just over an hour. His dad spent almost the whole time on phone talking to her. My son was so upset. He is obsessed with OW. Who has that many pictures of someone around a little place like that? That was a week ago today. Who knows how he will be tonight. I am staying away and trying not to talk to him or react.<BR>Your situation is so much like mine! They blame us for years and get mad when they walk out on their families because they have to pay! These two both need to take a fall. I bet you have been keeping him from falling for years. Well, now it is time. It is actually an act of kindness in the long run. They have needed to be held accountable for the messes they create. They can never learn until we take our hands off of it and let them take the fall. I hope someday they learn from all the pain they have caused and get some help.<BR>This is just the start for us. These court dates will continue and I suspect it will get more tense. We just need to not react and stay strong and not let them control us anymore. I think the less contact the better. I am praying for you. <BR>We are all going to get through all of this garbage. Thanks for letting me vent on your thread. <BR>Lisa

Lisa,<P>Please feel free to vent! Usually when I post anymore it's to vent or update. I don't ask many questions since I'm happier being without him. <P>I'm hoping, for my kids sake, that my H falls soon. He just keeps getting angrier and angrier and drinks more and more. I know that some day he will hit bottom but I hope it's not too late to save his relationship with the boys. They need a father, but not one who's drunk all the time. <P>I have found out that I wasn't happy for most of my marriage. I have been married for 10 1/2 years and I think for about 5 of those years I bit my fingernails all the time (I know, GROSS!) But since he left, I've stopped completely. That in itself tells me how much of a basketcase I was when he was here. Plus I used to get migraines all the time and now I only get one occassionally. It amazes me sometimes.<P>(((((HUGS))))) and prayers to you!!<P>Mitzi