OK...I know most of you aren't really "TV" people, but have any of you ever watched the show on Monday nights at 10:00 called "Once and Again." ??? It stars Sela Ward and follows the lives of two couples who are divorcing and their families (and children) as they start to date and "rebuild." It started in the fall at a most coincidental time for me, so I've followed it. It has had some interesting episodes and gone over some subjects that have weighed on my mind all these months. It's over for the season, but I'm sure reruns will start. If you're ever bored Monday at 10 and want to check it out......

Well, I usually wait to go to bed at night until I'm good and tired. If I lay there too long, sleep never comes. I'm holding off tonight as late as possible. I tend to let my imagination go when I hit the sheets, and I'm afraid my "before sleep" dreams tonight won't be as sweet as they have been recently. I don't want to go lay there and think and get sad. I've perked up and feel pretty good right now and want to keep it that way!!! I think I'll veg on the couch eating popcorn until my eyes droop! <P>Did we hit page 4 yet????

Well, let's see if we can push it over to page 4, Kim! Do rent "Sleuth" if you can--it's great, though it maybe starts just a <I>little</I> slowly. It was actually the first movie that Michael Caine "starred" in--at least, that's what I understand. The "set" is absolutely unreal and the plot will keep you guessing until the end. It's just loads of fun.<P>Oh man, isn't it great when your kids (past the age of 10) actually think you are 'cool'? Ha!!! I know exactly what you're feeling. Actually, since all kids seem to go through a "thing" where they're totally embarrassed that they even HAVE parents (ages 13-14 or so) we always used that knowledge to have an "edge" over the kids: "Matt--if you misbehave I'll show up at your next school concert and yell out, 'Look! There's our little Matt! Hi Matty!;" That used to whip them in line.<p>[This message has been edited by KateB (edited April 25, 2000).]

Ok....I'm intrigued. I'll have to see if they have "Sleuth." I live out in the sticks, so they don't have a huge selection, but one never knows til one tries.....<P><BR>Why is page 3 dragging on forever...<BR>could it be that Mark, MMT and Chuck<BR>are being quiet? (Well, they're men..they need to rest their minds, right?) Kate and I are like the Energizer Bunny....we keep going......and going.....and going......<BR>(No...I'm NOT talking about the electric husband again, either!!!!)<P><BR>Page 4????????

Its a monster! It keeps growing and I can't stop it. Oh No!!! Its going to consume me alive!!!! AAARRGHHH!#%#!#!%# The Divorce Site is gobbling me up!!!!<P>Ok. <deep breaths> What is going on here? I turn my back for just a few hours and you guys have a party? Who's going to clean up this mess? DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW YOU'RE HERE? Well. <pause> You can forget about the weekend. You're all grounded and have to stay with me. So there. You play, YOU PAY!<P>So much to comment on, I don't know where to start!<P>Mark, the 180 idea is just not practical. I'm the one who drives the ship financially (and provides the fuel), I can't leave and expect things to resolve themselves without things getting very rotten in Denmark with unpaid bills etc. Plus there's the kids, doing so would break both my and their hearts. So, we do what we have to do. I have thought of the ultimatum: "You're outta here!". But that's a bit heartless since she really is not doing anything to 'harm' me deliberately and semms to be sincerely just trying to deal with mid life crisis of sorts.<P>Missy, I think you're doing the right thing... especially with the kids. And Kim, your son is now 8, time flies!<P>OK, true confession time. For my tenth anniversery (aluminum), I forgot to get anything. In a lame attempt at humor I made my W a ring out of aluminum foil. I will never, ever, never, ever be forgiven. <P>I see being married (for years and/or decades) is at times like driving coast-to-coast. Its a really great trip, and you become best buddies with your partner (or throw them over a cliff). But sometimes you're on autopilot and there ain't nothing gonna change that fact.<P>OK, I need to get a picture of me in uniform into digital form and send it out. Be prepared to see a funny looking old guy with too many chins dressed in clothing his children find embarassing!<P>I did leave a message at the couples-place for jane, but I don't have her email address so hopefully she'll find it. Bummer weekend for a wedding, snowed, rained, blew like the devil. And I forgot to get a Sunday paper and try to identify her despite her alias!<P>OK Kim: ".....I crave flirting? What do you crave, Chuck?" Let me see.... I do like a woman who shamelessly flirts with me...! You're lucky I'm still married! Do you realize how difficult it is to read "Not this girl! I treat all my relationships with the 'Hot' faucet turned on full blast" coupled with a yearning for someone who understands, etc., etc. Then you have to announce that you're the best you've looked in years and even have 20 year olds checking you out! You are dangerous, you have caught the attention of my three most important body parts (heart, brain, you guess!). Of course I realize this is all just a plot of Kate's... she living vicariously through OUR interactions. She works at a University, and I suspect that she's performing a research project on major gov't funding...we're simply her test subjects for shameless experiments in internet based emotional manipulation. Actually this is kinda fun, I wonder what her next experiment will be??

LOL!! Gee.....I fall asleep with popcorn spilling all over my lap and look what I miss! Chuckie shows up!! (and STILL can't push us over to page 4!!!)<P>But I don't know, Chuck. If you give in and get Kate that picture above the socks, her and I may have to have a cat fight over you! (Oh wait......you may like that!)<P>OK.....bedtime for me. See you tomorrow everyone. (And I WON'T be moody either!!)

Well, still not page 4!<P>Mark, it sounds like the move is going pretty well, all thing considered! It's tough going through transition, no matter what the circumstances, and given the fact that the cirumstance is divorce, you are doing great and have a lot to be proud of! And isn't this crowd amazing... I feel like I'm at party and no matter where I turn I'm going to miss something somewhere else.....<P>Kim, I agree that you are not depressed and are handling things wonderfully. You have a great ability to let yourself feel sad when you need to, and do it well so that you can move on.... its been a pleasure watching you go through this (ok, I know that's sick but hey, you handle crisis well!).<P>Now Kim, this comment "I think I'll go to Blockbuster on Friday night since it's my kidless weekend and see who's available..... "... Saturday at 1PM is a dance rehearsal being hosted by my STBX. Wanna waltz?? Good lord, I live in a samll town and that would make the gossip wires BURN!!!! Hey, I just got word that an event hosted by the core group I'm involved in (including the dance stuff) will be on a TV special in June... you know all this media stuff could work well for Kate's research project!<P>Kim and Missy, this kid stuff is really a difficult thing. An interesting statistic is that the 'normal' kid at school is from a divorced background. Scary, eh? The great thing about kids is they do have strong powers of resilience. So if we do a reasonable job of giving them love and guidance, then it will all still turn out ok!<P>And the kids thinking the parentos are cool, I love it! Mine appear to sincerely think so, I've overheard them 'bragging'... its a charge to have that sort of respect!<P>OK, good night..... I have folks visiting from out of town in the AM, and a PR thing in the PM, so I'll catch you when I can!

Chuck - I also left a situation with bills that don't get paid & kids w/sad hearts. Should I have stayed? Maybe. Sometimes it's time to let things sink or swim - this isn't cruel but rescuing is for firemen & I don't work at the fire department. <P>--<P>No fair - 9:00 pm here & 11 or 12 for you guys - party just started in CA!<P>Mark<P>Mark

Okay, all you wiennies went to bed and I'm probably posting here all by myself but the kids are finally in bed and I can do my own thing!<P><p>[This message has been edited by missy2 (edited April 26, 2000).]

Y'know ... I don't want to sound mean or anything, but - who are you people? Where did you come from?<P>You all just joined this forum and between four of you, with I think two posts from previous MB Forum members, in one day you have made 48 posts? If you want a discussion board all to yourself, it might be a better idea to find place that offers you your own private board.<P>As I said - I have no intent here to be mean-spirited, but I'm just not sure I am comfortable with what you have begun here - in your own words "invading" this site. And I know that there are a couple of others who feel the same.<P>Perhaps you could read the rest of the posts in this forum and offer advice, comments and support to others here, rather than carrying on a thread that didn't originate here.<P>Blast me if you feel you need to - but think about what it is you are doing here, too.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Wow, Missy. That was an enlightening response from you! Married 20 years??? Yikes! I can certainly see where having children later on in the marriage can throw a whole different wrench into it. Having children at ANY time changes things drastically. It's hard to explain until you go through it. It's a wonderful miracle to have a child with someone you love, but it is a HUGE strain on the marriage.<P>Yes, my son for a long time was convinced we were getting back together. He also went through a stage of blaming himself. Very painful. He has seemed much more adjusted and accepting of late. I think my STBX has not been coming to the house as often as he was for a while (but still at least once a week), and that is less confusing for the little one. <P>Well, I think your attitude towards taking your H back is right on track. You have obviously thought it through clearly, and your requirements of waiting, dating, etc., sound good to me. I hope the best for you. You never know what's going to happen, so there's always hope, right? Hang in there!!<P>By the way, yes, this weanie went to bed at 11:30 last night, but 4:30 AM (when I get up for work) rolls around pretty early!!) LOL

Waltzing Saturday at 1PM.....Hmmmmmm.......<P>I'm there, Chuck!! (but I'd better practice.....I haven't danced much in the last ten years......boring H!!) I'll get those gossip lines going too! You think I can flirt on-line? You should see me in action in person!!! Wait, maybe I shouldn't have said that. <P>You think the people here who don't know all of us are wondering what we're up to with all this loose talk? LOL It's all FRIENDLY chatter, folks. Don't be alarmed. Chuck and I aren't going to start a cyber-affair right here in front of all you!!

Hi Terri. Well, I won't blast you. You have a right to your opinion. However, so do we. We have a long history together. We all have issues with our marriages and probable/possible impending divorces and have seen each other through for many, many months. We have jumped from board to board because of problems with sites crashing......not because we chose to invade a new site. But last time I checked, these were "Public" forums, right? We usually stay on topic. But after being friends for many months, we also digress into silliness to help ease our suffering. We have had many people at the new boards join us and offer us fresh insight, and many times we have been told we have helped others as well. I can't say I understand why a little extra activity to an existing board would bother people, but you're entitled to your feelings. If you care to elaborate, we'd be happy to discuss it with you. Kim

Terri, thanks for voicing your thoughts! Yes this is a very active group, its quite different than most. I started this thread last summer when my W announced she wanted a separation, yet refused to talk about things or even see a therapist for herself, never mind 'us'. The idea was to have a somewhat public diary of how things evolved for myself, and its been a pretty effective tool for just that. I do have printouts of most everything since then, and its a great resource.... I tend to seesaw back and forth between being very optimistic and then basically resigned to letting my W have a divorce. It helps to be able to read about the issues I've dealt with.... the hurdles I've cleared, and review some of the great advice I've recieved as this has evolved.<P>There is a lot of territory covered here, and yes we do get off base at times.... but believe it or not that sparks some good 'meaningful' discussions at times. And I know that those of us in the divorce process are thrust into some pretty tough situations every so often, and the simple fact is that support among this group is fantastic.<P>It is open and we welcome anyone/everyone. I've never had a board administrator contact me to 'cut back' on use and certainly would be responsible about it if asked. But we all cope in different ways, and this approach is working quite well for most of us. Divorce is sad and tough enough as it is, and being able to be up-beat with folks that are in the same boat has a lot of theraputic value.<P>So that's my take on all of this... and I apologize if we're a bit overwhelming, that's certainly not the intent! <p>[This message has been edited by chuckb (edited April 26, 2000).]

Hi Guys,<P>I noticed that chuck said that this thread was started last summer. Please feel free to read the other posts if you haven't already. There are alot of us who could benefit from your experience. I for one am fairly new to the whole divorce process. I like to hear what others have gone thru so that I can learn maybe what to expect. <P>Mitzi

Hi Mitzi. Well, there are basically six of us here (with one MIA on her honeymoon right now) who are in different phases of their relationships. It ranges from the divorce being nearly final (me) to newly married (Jane). We love to talk to everybody, so ask away! It's hard to comment when we don't know your personal situation. I've been trying to read the other threads, (we just found this site on Monday), but it gets overwhelming. I forget where I've posted and feel bad if I post somewhere and then neglect to follow up. I will check it out, though. Thanks for the suggestion!!

Hi there Mitzi. I've been cruising around this site, looking at topics and various threads, trying to find a few to post to. I'm like Kim--I don't want to "scattershot" posts all over various threads if I can't get back to them to follow up. So I'm in the process of finding a few that address topics I'm really interested in.<P>In the meantime, this is a comfortable place for me to hang out. I can see why it might be intimidating for some to jump into the discussion, as we do have some history together and our posts are pretty freewheeling. Obviously, this is a thread for those who are looking for a combination of serious relationship discussion and humor/silliness. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but if it appeals to anyone...join in!!

Chuck: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Of course I realize this is all<BR> just a plot of Kate's... she living vicariously through OUR interactions. She works at a University, and I<BR> suspect that she's performing a research project on major gov't funding...we're simply her test subjects<BR> for shameless experiments in internet based emotional manipulation. Actually this is kinda fun, I<BR> wonder what her next experiment will be??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The government is <B>not</B> involved at all. I'm a 20 yr old sociology major, and this is my senior "thesis." But tell me honestly: I had you fooled for <I>awhile</I> didn't I? I thought I had the middle-aged wife and mother thing down pretty good. How did I slip?

Terri: I was sorry to hear your concern with a few of us barging in the way we have. We have been very active trying to react with others on different forums. Kate and Kim have given countless hour to research, reading and coaching others. I am sure they will do the same here. We are a group of caring, and at times hurting people. We do have jobs but are trying to have a better all-around life. Therefore this is a help to us not a passing whim. I feel all of us have things we could be doing to help us advance in our jobs, but we need support and knowledge in our personal lives. We do want a full life, not just a one-sided existence. We are willing to help and be helped. Most of us are with Kim when she says we won't through or new shoes at anybody. I feel someone might just try to through a boot back at me if I do. I sure hope we can be welcome here and am open for all comments. <P>------------------<BR>Married Man Trying & doing better day by day.

Hi y'all...with your all of your knowledge combined, you are certainly a welcome addition to this site. I usually hang out in the infidelity section (general questions, Plan A/Plan B) because it's only been 5 weeks since D-Day. You can check out posts for anyone you may find interesting here by doing a search at the front page of the forums discussion. I've found it helpful to read other's stories/thread comments before I feel comfortable accepting advice from them.<P>This really is a great site with lots of good people (Sheba, NSR, Sir Hurts Alot, Arrow, TomH, lostva, and several others I've missed). There is honesty without judgement, and lots of good humor, so look around and give some insight if you can!<P>theo