I don't know whether to be p#%^$d or not.<BR>I had to go out of town for two nights so I hired a babysitter to watch the kids over night for those nights.<P>I called home last night and found out my s wasn't home but at a friends across town. I didn't ask him where he got permission, but I suspect his mother.<P>Then I remind my s he has soccer practice tonite and that I had made arrangements for someone to pick him up. He said that his mother was going to take him. I said she couldn't because she was working and he said no, she was only working in the morning and could take him.<P>If she was working in the morning only, why am I paying for a babysitter ? I guess to be fair, I didn't tell her to Sun that I was going out of town Tue-Thurs, but she said she had told me before she would take the kids Thurs nite so how was I supposed to know she wasn't working? I guess tonite and Fri nites are date nights so she doesn't want the kids.<P><BR>I guess I should be happy that she is seeing the kids somewhat, but it irks me that she does it behind my back..

RWD - I give you a LOT of credit for what you're putting up with. Being a mom, myself, I cannot imagine considering walking out on my child for a moment. Is love or infatuation or whatever it is that blind? I think sometimes these situations are why a type of joint custody can be too confusing for the children. Of course, that's just my opinion. My STBX and I agreed I would have full custody, but he knows he is free to see our son whenever he wants. Unfortunately, his interest has died down and he pretty much sticks to Cub Scouts once a week and then every other weekend. I wish he would make an effort to stop by on an unscheduled time once in a while. I see him and our son drifting apart, and that is so sad. I hope your W gets it together soon. She is going to regret her behavior down the road. Just remember that you are doing everything you can and you are only reponsible for your own behavior. Try not to let her get to you. It's such an emotional rollercoaster right now as it is. (Don't I know it!) Hand in There!!

Kim, <BR>Thanks for your reply. I thought she would have started waking up by now. I thought she would awaken after the divorce but its been 3 months now and no sign.<P>I don't think I would take her back now because of all the cruel things she has said too me and the fact that she completely changed her character giving up her kids and everything we had built through 16 yrs of marriage. Now she says it wasn't what she wanted!<P>I see that you are in Mich. I'm working in Mich this week. I live in Oh. Looks like I'll be working in Mich more often.

Working in Michigan, huh? Where about? (what city, that is?) <P>I'm getting a little sick of it....Michigan, that is.....lived here my whole life.....and would love the chance to make a whole fresh start, except that would mean a tough road for visitation. So my dream of moving to a prettier place will have to wait another ten years, I suppose!<P>I hear you about not taking the EX back. I figured out after about the first 3 months that there was no going back. Not that he WANTED to come back, mind you. I just made up my mind that I had to move on. And on I have moved. Not without a lot of pain and insecurity, but one step at a time. right?

I'm staying at a Red Roof Inn (living high on the hog!) in Rochester Hills.<P>Its funny, my boss asked me today where I want to be in 5 yrs, geographically, professionally, etc.<P>I told him, I really couldn't do anything until my kids were gone, they are 9 and almost 13. I guess I can put my career on hold for another 8 yrs.

RWD,<BR>I am so sorry that you ex-wife doesn't show that much concern or interest in her children. It is sad. No one can ever explain all of that to me. How do you just walk away and never turn around? It must be too painful to see the mess they left behind.<P>My parents have a summer home on Kelleys Island in Ohio. I love to go there and just sit back and fish. It is so relaxing. Since I was a little girl....fishing has been a great comfort to me. The white bass and perch are great there.<P>Nancy

Hey, RWD......I used to work in Rochester Hills. Nice part of the state. Small world, huh?

Bob, <BR>Hi there! Hey, this co-parenting thing can be hard, I guess my thought has always been that I would try to have the kids as accessible to X as possible, try not to say anyting bad about him in front of them, tell them (despite how he acts sometimes) that he loves them very much and really try to stay out of their relationship as much as I can. <P>I am a little bit of a control freak, and I have had a difficult time not wanting to make him be the kind of Father I think he should be to them. But I have to let him define that, what ever it is. Hang in there, Bob, I do believe it gets easier with time. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Dear Bob, I feel for you and fully understand your frustration. It seems as though these spouses who walk out and start new lives want to be a "family man/woman" without the family. They want to be plugged into their childrens' lives only when and if it is convenient for them. In other words, they want no firm, fast commitment. Only if it suits them. Chances are, Bob, if you had conferred with your W before leaving town regarding plans for the children, etc., she would have resented this and would not have complied. She wants to be involved with the kids on her own terms and not yours - even though they are not "your terms," per se, (everything is really tailored to your kids' needs), she sees it as making YOU happy and this she will not do. It is so utterly selfish and unreasonable yet not all parents behave like this, do they? You are doing a commendable job with those children of yours and someday (I know, someday seems so far away) YOU will be the one reaping the returns of the sacrifices you made today. I hope you have a good trip, by the way.

Bob,<P>I think MovingOn is completely correct. They only want to see the kids on their own terms. And unfortunately, I do not believe that it gets better with time. When my H first left, he saw a lot of the kids, and he was willing to go out of his way a bit to make it slightly more convenient for me. But no more. As time passes, it gets worse and worse. Every month is worse than the one before.

Bob,<BR>I know, in my case.....if I mentioned something to him...like maybe he could do this....or the girls would really like that....he would do the complete opposite.<P>When my attorney filed something with the courts.....that he could call his children (because of restraining orders) but he needed to call before 8:00 pm on school nights.......he would call at 8:05.....when I didn't complain......it became later and later.....now he calls. normally, at 9:00. Usually the girls are in bed by then.....and if we don't pick up the phone......boy are we in trouble.<P>It is all on their terms.....when they are done with their "fun" time.....ooops, they remember they have children. <P>Wednesday night......my stbx spent more time driving past our house......my neighbor watched him do it twice ( about 5:00pm and about 7:00pm) and I saw him once (after 9:00 pm) It amazes me.....<P>But my stbx wants to be friends.....when the divorce is final. He says he knows we will be such good friends. I am glad he thinks so. I trust my friends....my friends treat me nice......my friends don't stalk me......my friends abuse me.....my friends treat me and my children with respect.....my friends don't abuse my children.<P>Nancy<P>

Movingon, Mental, Nellie,<P>I have to agree with you guys, except I do think things will get better. I think my x will get tired of being left out and om will not want to play second fiddle to the kids so sometjing will have to give there which I believe then she will move away.<P>It seems like half the time my x is doing anything that is anti-Bob, doing the complete opposite of what we had ever done or planned to do. The rest of the time she seems to be acting like everything is normal except she just substituted om for me and she expects everybody to except it. <P>I ran into her (only)friend tonite and she said she was invited by my x to visit her anytime at her new house. The friend didn't tell me what she said to her, but told me that there was no way she was going to go there when om was there. But he is always there as he works 12 hr night shifts plus a couple 8 hr shifts to give him his 80 hrs per pay.<P>She is still deep in her fantasy. Her parents are coming out to watch the kids next weekend and they made it fairly clear to me that they weren't going to visit her at her house. As a matter of fact, when I told them that next weekend was her weekend with the kids, they said they might not come out till Mon.<P><BR>