Alo, can anyone explain to me the difference between full custody and primary custody? Do both entail the WS to supply alimony/child support? And, I've heard there are different degrees of primary custody...it's confusing, to say the least.<P> My wife wants joint custody; I told her I initially wanted full custody (her telling me of the affair and moving in with the OM the same night was SLIGHTLY upsetting). I'd settle for primary, but I'd like to have the kids, say, 18 days per month while she would have them 12 days (she wants for the kids to move back and forth every week; i.e., one week with her, one week with me, repeat steps 1 and 2 as necessary)...<P> I'm in the house and they attend school just down the road; she and the OM live in another school district and are looking for apartments at this point. We've got most of the POJA figured out, but the custody issue could hurt us both since we are attempting a dissolution through collaborative law.<P> Some of you know my story; I'm in the Plan A process presently, but I also want to be prepared for the worst. <P>thanks,<BR>theo<BR>

Theo,<P>I don't know if I'll be much help to you or not but here it goes. My x and I just agreed on joint with me having primary custody. My x will have standard visitation (every other weekend)and he has to pay child support. Of course, if your w was to have the kids every other week there probably wouldn't be much child support as you two would be sharing equal amounts of time with the kids. I can't really say though, since my situation is different.<P>In my situation with primary, I have the final say in what goes on with the kids. However, he does have access to school and medical records, etc. I'm sure the laws vary from state to state so you might want to see if you can get a copy of how joint with primary works in your state. Good luck, and I hope this helps some.<P>Tulip

There are two kinds of custody, legal and physical.<P>Legal custody has to do with major decisions in the child's life. Stuff like surgery. It is rare for a court not to award joint legal custody unless there is a compelling reason to do so (like molestation, active drug use).<P>Physical custody has to do with where the children will live. While the momentum has been going in the direction of joint physical, there are other factors, as well. Usually the courts use what is called "the best interests of the child" standard. The idea is to disrupt the childrens lives as little as possible. If you are in the house, and the school is right down the road, and you can stay there, and the judge is in a good mood, I doubt that the judge will award 50/50 custody. You will probably get primary with the wife getting something close to standard visitation. This is usually every other weekend and one night during the week. That is what my wife got.<P>Child support, in most states, depends on the amount of time with the children and the amount of money you both make. With standard visitation, it is about a 70/30 time split. There are a number of child support calculators out on the net that will give you a ballpark figure to work with. In California, they use a software program called Dissomaster. The judge enters the information, and the program spits out a support amount. Judges very seldom deviate from this amount.<P>Here is a child support calculator for California <A HREF="http://www.west.net/~ivguy/calc.htm." TARGET=_blank>http://www.west.net/~ivguy/calc.htm.</A> Other states can be found on this site, as well.<P>IMHO, children need a primary place of residence. Unless you can move within a couple of blocks of each other, I would not go the joint route. Too disrupting for the children. Especially with the OM. How will the children feel when this new guy is all of a sudden acting as a parent?<P>It is very important for you to document everything that goes on now. The Father's Rights to Custody homepage has tons of information about this, with handy dandy tools to help you document. They are at <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody." TARGET=_blank>www.deltabravo.net/custody.</A> <P>Good luck to you.<P>Gramps

theo,<P>check divorcenet.com and check under Oh for our laws as each state differs.<P>The way my lawyer explained it, in OH they alway push for shared parenting, previuosly know as joint custody. Basically, one parent is the residential parent,and thats the parent that the kids stay with. <P> The parent requesting shared parenting must come up with a shared parenting plan which the court will approve. My x asked for the minimum visitation schedule which is every other weekend from 5 or 6 Fri night till Sun nit at 5-6 and on the off week, Mon from 5-8pm. Anything above this as along as you both agree is acceptable.<P>If you can't agree, then you have to go to what ever plan you agreed to.<P>My best guess is that you would get residential custody since you are staying in the home and live in their school district. Currently she does not. ALso if she gets an apartment, there would have to be room for the child/ren to have their own room(they can't sleep in the same room as their parent and op.<P>As for child support,it is an easy figure. The state provide a chart showing what it costs to raise 1,2,3,etc children at various incomes, pretty similiar to a tax table. <P>They figure what you and your w's income is and go over to that figure, follow it out to the number of children you have and that is what you as a family would spend on your child/ren. <P>The non residential parent will then pay as support, the percentage they put into the income multiplied by by that figure determiined by the number of children you have and your income.<P>My x pays me about $400 per month based on our 2 kids, our gross income and the percentage she provided of that income. There are some fees(2%) in there too which reduce the total of the support.<P>See your lawyer or family relations court to get a copy of standard visitation schedule. I have one for Medina County.<P>Let me know if you have any questions as I just went thru this in the past 6 months. I started the divorce/dissolution papers on Dec 1 and we were divorced on Feb 1.

RWD, excellent advice from a fellow Buckeye. Your reply <BR>was very helpful.<P> I want to be setup like you are, so I will heed your <BR>advice and try to follow through the best that I can.<P> Thank you very VERY much!<P>theo<P>

Theo,<P>I did the same thing you did in that I was seeking full custody more out of anger than anything else. As far as I can tell there is no real difference between shared parenting and full custody other than you would have 100% of the responsibility, even when they were with their mother. She would still be granted visitation/companionship and if you are divorced there is nothing you can do to keep the kids away from the om. <P>The only advantage I saw was that it looked like you could move out of state with the kids if you have full custody. With shared parenting if you are the residential parent you can't move with out the other's written permission.<P>The other draw back is that you go to court and it may involve dragging in the kids and asking them where they want to live.<P>AS far as shuttling back and forth, to me that isn't a good idea. That would seem far more confusing than regular visitation. I would assume that they wouldn't have favorite toys at both locations. My kids, especially my 9 yo son didn't like going to my x's apartment because, one, he didn't have his toys there and two, he couldn't be a kid there. He had to be quiet and not bother the other tenants there. My d, 12yo, didn't like going there much either as they didn't have a computer and om was there.<P>My x and her om recently got a house. Fortunately, the neighbors have some kids they can play with and they do have a yard so that may make things easier for them.<P>I guess my best recommendation and what a lot of people advised me is to DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILDREN!!!<P>I know its hard, believe me I do, but it seems to have worked out so far for me by trying to do what is best for them.<P>My son's biggest question when we were divorcing/dissolution was where was he going to live. When we told him here at home with me, he was satisfied.<P>My d was afraid she would have to go to the divorce/dissolution hearing which she didn't and that made her feel better too.<P>Good luck and most of all God Bless,<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Hi, Right now I have temp. sole legal and physical custody . Yesterday I discovered what an advantage that is for me and my son.<BR>I cannot reach STBX because he will not give me his home phone number ( even though mandated by the court) . I do have his work number but yesterday was Sat. (non-working day). Anyway son was injured playing baseball. Thank God his injuries were not critical, but had the potiental to be.<BR>I have e-mailed my STBX to let him know and here it is Sunday evening and have not heard a word from him. He does live out of state so it's not like I could go knock on his door to let him know about son's injury.<BR>I am grateful I asked for sole legal custody, because my fears came true yesterday.I needed to reach him and I couldn't because he was unavailable by "choice".<BR>I do want our son to have contact with his dad, but right now STBX only does when it's at his convience and until that changes I will still try for "permanent" legal and physical custody.Our son should be able to pick up the phone and talk to his dad anytime he wants...(good or bad).<BR>

Theo,<P>the only good advice on this subject is to check the laws in your jurisdiction. They are different from state to state, country to country. Be sure about your situation.<P>Kenneth