My husband and I are having "adjustment problems" with trying to blend our 2 families (we both have 2 kids). This adjustment to blending is coupled with adjustment to a new marriage, moving to a new house, and high stress jobs for both. The trouble is we are having difficulty meeting each others' emotional needs. He is caring but takes love units out by the bucketful with his sarcasm, insults and criticism. I have difficult depositing love units for him and am growing increasingly defensive and probably overly sensitive to his manner and content of talking to me. How do we get back on track? I wake up in the morning ready to start over again and try anew and when a critical remark comes, I shut down. He has a hard time stopping the criticism b/c he says I frustrate him. We have had discussions as to which comes first -- he stops and I become more loving or I become more loving and he stops. I think we should both make changes at the same time. But this only works for a day or so and then it's back to the same. So if we make the assumption that he will change if I do first, how do I make the changes without feeling like I am shutting myself down or feeling resentful? How do I feel cheerful about meeting his needs when he's critical of me or says sarcastic remarks to me?

Hello Leigh,
<br>In my opinion, now is the time to see a counselor. Nip it in the bud before it grows into something that can distance you further. If I would have seen problems as you see them, soon enough, counseling would have saved me the pain I'm going through now. I believe my wife and I waited too long to see a counselor. Someone nuetral can help both of you see the communication breakdown from a different perspective and show you ways to eliminate resentment and help prevent it from continuing.
<br>Believe me, counseling can help, I just wish I knew it sooner.
<br>Take care,
<br>Greg
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