I just spent 3 hours (1145-245) talking on phone to H. He called me after 2 nights with OW. Says he had felt ignored for some time and I didn't meet needs. Truly we both looked inward instead of reaching out and 'clinging' to each other with open and honest feelings. He 'fell in love 10 weeks ago, and moved out a month ago. I had no clue of any problem until 10 weeks ago when he 'turned away from me.'<BR><P><BR>He is pushing for no-fault divorce. Has not talked to attorney yet. Anxious for my signature. I've tried to do plan A when possible, and before I found out I had already begun making some changes in our home. Have read many books, etc. re marriage, affairs, etc. I should be one great wife if I ever get another chance.<BR><P><BR>Although he insists there is no chance of us ever being together again, he did say (in response to my question-in spiritual realm), that he would talk with me if in time he felt there was a chance.<BR><P><BR>So, my question to all of you--do I agree to the divorce and hope enough love units are still there to build on?<BR><BR>Or should I continue to hold out and risk the 'wrath' and loss of remaining lu in him?<BR><P><BR>I am at a loss. Still love him and will forgive him for OW and the scarlet letter, unless God moves me otherwise. Advice, please-----<P>------------------<BR>Committed

Committed,<P>If I remember your story, you are in Texas and don't have kids. Correct?<P>I am a similar situation although there no infidelity. I am committed to my marriage but my husband wants a no-fault divorce because he and I have been separated due to work for too long and he feels that we are too estranged to put everything back together.<P>I told him that if he wanted a divorce, he has to be the one to file. This is probably a love buster but as far as I know he hasn't taken any action. Hopefully, if I don't rush into the divorce and can follow Plan A, waiting for him to take action will force a sufficient amount of time into the process and give him a chance to reconsider. This might a good option for you.<P>You probably need to start separating all your finances. 10 weeks is a lot of time and if he still has access to your credit cards and bank account, you are probably taking a big risk. Also, once he sees all the things that have to be done to end your marriage, he might reconsider a little or be willing to delay the divorce.<P>Best Wishes!<P>Karel (aka Tegan)<P>GO STARS!

Tegan,<P>Thanks for your reply. You got the right Texan! I do have two children (22 and 27), one here, and one in Tennessee. He has 4 with 2nd wife in Va. One of them lived with us for a year until the day he moved out. He had given her 2 weeks to find another place to live. ("We both need more privacy."--H and her.)<P>Anyway, no custody problems. He had finances divided before he clued me in to his plan. I basically have no problem. He now has his account in another bank, and I have mine separately. <P>I am still holding out. The threat of 'resentment', etc. is really a form of blackmail. I think we need to stand firm, but pleasant. Monday I had consultation with atty to explore options and what I could expect from him. <P>I'm sure it is hard to hang on when work causes a distance, but in the long run, I think you may be able to work things out. Try some of the links available. Who knows.<BR>Meanwhile, I've added you to my prayer list.<P>H came in briefly last eve. to register AOL 5.0. Very business-like; wouldn't look at me, left quickly. However, on the phone he is quite congenial.<P>I have accepted a part in a play at another community theatre, so that helps take up time.<P>STand firm!<P>Committed

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Committed:<BR><B>Tegan,<P>Thanks for your reply. You got the right Texan! I do have two children. (grown)He has 4 with 2nd wife. One of them lived with us for a year until the day he moved out. He had given her 2 weeks to find another place to live. ("We both need more privacy."--H and her.)<P>Anyway, no custody problems. He had finances divided before he clued me in to his plan. I basically have no problem. He now has his account in another bank, and I have mine separately. <P>I am still holding out. The threat of 'resentment', etc. is really a form of blackmail. I think we need to stand firm, but pleasant. Monday I had consultation with atty to explore options and what I could expect from him. <P>I'm sure it is hard to hang on when work causes a distance, but in the long run, I think you may be able to work things out. Try some of the links available. Who knows.<BR>Meanwhile, I've added you to my prayer list.<P>H came in briefly last eve. to assist with some equipment. Very business-like; wouldn't look at me, left quickly. However, on the phone he is quite congenial.<P>STand firm!<P>Committed </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>