After D-Day in January, a few weeks of recovery, and my intense withdrawal over a co-working OW, my W has called it quits. She will not move off her unyielding position of divorce. After a 17-year marriage and three kids, I went through a MLC, got seduced and subsequently bit. I know I hurt her big and it will take years to restore the trust. I just want another crack at it. As far as her and anyone else is concerned, the marriage is over. The OW and I are not forever, and I stopped seeing her once we separated, that was until my W revealed her intense plans for a D. I was strictly hoping for separation, to pull our heads together, but my W is unrelenting in her stance. I'm the breadwinner and will pay, pay, pay. There is also great potential for my unrecoverable spiral to hell, between the drug culture in my community and the legacy of alcoholics in my family. This is not where I want to be. Will her anger ever subside, and maybe see things a little clearer before the D is final? There is too much to lose for all involved. My kids and my wife are worth another shot, but she is so scared of the pain. Being where I am, seeing what I see, I surely would not blow it this time. I'm out of the clouds. All she see's is lies, lies, lies. Man, this s_cks. Most will say immediately stop seeing the OW, but why bother if the D-train is going to run me over anyway? I was at the end of my rope last week, but a few folks reached out and I picked myself up. But I need to take care of me so I can be the father I should be, instead of wallowing in drunken self-pity. This is a heavy, lifetime price to pay for a few month mistake, my kids will end up with a whole lot less in their lives.

I wish my H could see what he did to us the and the kids because of his affair.<P>The D is not over......if you want to win her back you have to win her trust. Do NOT see O/W again.<P>With your wife write the no contact letter. Earn her trust back. She is upset, I was too when this first started. I said some pretty irrational things, did some pretty irrantional things. She is in a lot of pain.<P>Your family is worth it. Meet her needs. Show you care. Send her flowers ect.<P>I wish I had more time...I have to go.

<BR>You want your marriage, you want a another chance but as soon as things don't go your way you are back with the OW> How can you expect your W to trust you when you cannot keep away from the OW.<P>If you truly want your marriage you have to stop reacting to what your W does. You can only control yourself not what your W does. Act as if you want your marriage. Stop wallowing, stop trying to place blame, get your act together for yourself and your kids. Reconciliation is always possible eve after divorce.

Hi FL,<P> Cman, right? C'mon get yourself together and show your W you want her back.....running back to OW is NOT, I repeat NOT the way nor is spiraling into an alcholic haze(if that's what you are doing) and by the way, it sounds like you are saying if she doesn't take you back you are going down the tubes......(her fault,right?).........Get some help , maybe you will end up with the D but there is always a chance you won't.Get help for your kids at least......LU

Do you want your marriage or the OW? If you want your wife show her by your actions. If you are just pis@$ng and moaning about you not getting to keep all your money than be quite. You caused this. <P>My suggestion would be to stand up and take responsability for your actions. This is what you do to prove to your family that you love and want them:<P>Dump the OW and never ever see or talk to her again.<BR>Spend as much time with your children as you can.<BR>Tell your Wife everything.<BR>Be an open book on what you are doing and where you are going and who with.<BR>Tell your wife you are sorry for destroying her and how much you love her and you would do what ever she wanted to work this out with her.<P>To be honest though I really question why you want your wife. I think you are worried about loosing money more than loosing your wife. I hope I am wrong.

FL - Your choices are not only between continue seeing the OW or a downward spiral of drunkeness. Are your wife and kids "worth another shot" or are they deserving of your 100%, unconditional committment? <P>What is your true concern, to rebuild your marriage or to maintin a safety net with the OW in case marriage is not rebuilt? Sorry if this seems harsh, but it is how I see it. I guess your attitude reflects that of my wife: "I'm not willing to work to rebuild our relationship, so I'll retreat into another one that may not require any effort."<P>Decide what you want: is it your wife, your marriage, and your family or is it a quick, temporarily fulfilling roll in the hay? In the grand scheme of life, what is important to you? Once you determine that, make your every action conform to that intent.

Got to agree with everyone here. I want my husband to win me back. His lips are mouthing the words, but his actions are not following through. Just like you, you want this, you want that.<P>What it would take for me to believe him is his total commitment to doing WHATEVER it takes to see this through. Counseling, listening to me cry, holding me, not turning his back when he's heard the same stuff for the millionth time, listening, understanding, acting, and commiting. He has to be completely honest about what he was doing, with whom, when, why, what he was feeling, and help me to understand why he didn't feel he could trust me enough with those feelings and feeling we could work our issues out together. <P>I want my marriage back, but not the one we had before the adultery. There has to be a lot of change and he is going to have to do a lot of butt kissing. I suggest you do the same. Staying together is the harder choice because you not only have to face your spouse, but yourself.