Well, I'm back again. My husband signed the final papers and they are being mailed to my house now. I will sign them. I'm not going to stall anymore --- it doesn't do any good. I am pissed off at him that he can just let go so easily. I know I was wrong. I know that. But I have done everything w/in my power to save this marriage and find out what was wrong for me to have had an affair. He has not done ONE thing to try and save us ... all he has done is wallow in self pity and point the finger at me. I'm sick of it! I know this is probably major love busting but there has to come a point where you draw the line. <P>My question is ... now what? Is there life after divorce? What is it like for a single mother?

Ann, I am here to say, yes, there is life after divorce, it is different, but ok. <P>I found that my friends and church was a great source of support for me. I did continue counseling for a couple of months after the divorce and that helped me greatly. <P>I rallayed around my children and tried to be there for them as much as possible. They are doing ok, though I am still concerned about my 14 yr old, he seems withdrawn at times. <P>I started dating after the divorce was final. It was a great ego boost to know that at 45, I was still desirable and could feel passion once again. I have met a great guy, and while it is early, we are enjoying each other and there are no commitments. <P>Do I still long for what may have been? Sure..but the hurt and pain are diminishing, the strength I feel as a person is growing. I only wish my X the best, even though I feel he may one day regret all of this, I must go on with my life. Do I want to go back? NO!! I have crested the hump, I am going on. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Hi AnnR,<P>Nice to see you again, but too bad to have to see you here. <P>I hardly ever post anymore, but I do come here occasionally, and couldn't pass up a post of yours. <P>I feel just like you do. I just wanted you to know that. When all is said and done, it will not have been my affair that killed this marriage, not by a long shot. It will be my H's inability to face reality. He got himself another OW, you know. I even made it through the initial stages of that. But one day something just snapped in me, and I realized that I was through being punished, and I had to let go. So, that's where I am too...<P>Best wishes as you go down this road... I think that maybe we'll be okay, you know?<P>~Sheryl

Thank you Sue. Did you initiate the divorce? <P>I am glad to know that there is hope for me. I do want to date. I just don't think it is possible for me to ever really care for anyone again. <P>How can I make this as easy for my children as possible? They are 5 and 2.

Hi Sheryl!!!!! It's so good to hear from you! I can't believe he got another OW but am glad to hear you are rising above it. <P>I wish I were as strong as you but, honestly, I'm scared to death. I know that I'll be okay but this is just not what I had planned in my life. I am a big planner.<P>You're right. I know the divorce is not all my fault. My counselor says I'm just the one who screams the loudest (just an analogy). I was screaming for a change when I had the affair. My husband was gone so much. Of course, he would say it is ALL my fault and he was the perfect husband. I am tired of all the guilt too. I am also tired of being his punching bag.<BR>

Hi again, AnnR,<P>Just wanted to say that I'm not strong at all... honey, I'm just like you, trust me. And my H is finding out how hard it is without me, but everything has just gone too far, too much pain here, and like you, I was alone so much, and it's no different now, except that I have some stretches of peace for a change. I could wait, because I think he's growing a bit, but I've grown so tired of the fight. In fact, I will not fight anymore. I'm *choosing* to go on with my life - without him as a H. I do still love him, and probably always will, you just can't erase 20 years. He is a good man at the core. However, there is indeed that 'line' that is crossed - and he crossed it with this last OW. <P>And yes, sweetie, you and I just screamed loudest!!<P>Hugs, Sheryl

I was wondering the same thing...is there life after divorce? My H is being served today with the papers and I am terrified. We are living under the same roof still and though I filed in March, it hasn't seemed real until today. Right now, I am concerned about my two children, if I will ever get a job that pays well enough to support us, and if life will ever return to normal. I can't imagine dating or ever having anyone even want to ask me at this point.<P>S<BR>

Lonely Soul,<BR>I understand.. I was a stay at home mom when all of this happened and had to get a job and go back to work. I truly believe God took care of me and my children. I was able to get my old job back at the same salary (and they called me) and have wonderful child care. He will take care of you too. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone.<P>Hang in there. Things can only get better - right? I am having to learn to love myself and forgive myself. Just remember, you can't force someone to love you - you can only be loveable. I'm sure you are. <P><BR>

Ann, <BR>Yes, I initiated the divorce, but it was after two years of an ongoing affair and serious questions in my mind about his intentions financially. He, up until the divorce was final, had every opportunity to halt things, try counseling, etc...my only request was that he HAD to give up the other woman. He could not do that. <BR>The wierd thing was that he would tell me he loved me.....I was getting a lot of mixed signals.... now I look back and wonder if the only reason he told me he loved me was his fear of losing it all, not his feelings for me. <BR>I am sure he lied to her as well..in fact I know he did. But now that is all under the bridge. The fact is that I am better off emotionally now than riding that ugly roller coaster as I did for the past two years. I am a good person, and others out there will love me for who I am!<P>------------------<BR>Susan