Some of you know I am standing for the restoration of my marriage that ended 3 yrs ago when ex left me for OW, who he still lives with, but has no immediate plans to marry. We have had a hard time communicating, but with using email, the last couple of months we have made some progress. I have emailed him with updates on our grown children who live out of state and also contact him about our teenage daughter who lives with me, if there is anything going on I think he should know about. He very seldom has acknowledged any of my messages, but I try to keep them brief, and cheerful. Anyway, 2 weeks ago ,he emailed me stating he had gotten a new job and knew I was entitled to additional child support, but not to email his house with any response because OW and he disagree about it. He asked that I email his office. Today I received an email about our daughters soccer team summer plans. I was very surprized because he has been the treasurer of the parents club for 2 years and never before has contacted me about anything. He also offered to pay 1/2 of one of the summer trips, but again not to email anything to his house regarding this. How do I handle my response? I don't want to be sneaking around the OW back, eventhough it was done to me, but I also don't want to ruin an opportunity to interact with my ex.Any email I have sent to his house has never had anything that would be offensive to the OW. What is the right thing to do. I feel I should obey my ex, but I don't want to be deceitful. I know what lies and deceit can do to a relationship. Help!

In my view, you can not sneak around the back of someone who doesn't belong there in the first place. Their relationship is inherently invalid.<P>And what business is it of hers how much child support your H gives you, or what he spends his money on? Even those people who think that somehow marriage validates a relationship built upon deceit and betrayal could not claim that she should have any say over his finances when they are not even married.

I have to agree with Nellie1 - I would continue to email him at work as he requested. I don't feel you are sneaking around his back - this correspondence is between you and your xh - it has nothing to do with her. If she would find out and things get ugly - you haven't done anything wrong at all. I would enjoy the fact that he wants to be involved with your daughters soccer and be happy he is willing to pay for<BR>1/2 of one of her trips!<P>I am entering into the world of trying to correspond with my STBXH - our div. will be over soon. He lives out of state and so the only way for him to keep up with the kids is through me. Yes, he calls them but they are very young and don't say much of anything on the phone. It's so tough - do I be evasive and wait for him to e-mail me or do I send him messages about twice/week and keep him updated. The second way seems way to easy for him. I don't know - I hate it all! (Not my kids though - I love them to pieces - they are what keep me going every day.)<P>Good Luck - but quite feeling guilty - you have done nothing wrong!<P>Missy2

Thanks for the advice. With all the emotional upheaval, its so hard to know if we are doing the right thing. Missy, my ex actually lives less than 5 min. from me, but it is still difficult for us to talk in person, you can feel the tension. This year the OW started to attend the soccer games{ she hadn't the previous 2 seasons]<P> and it was very uncomfortable for me, as the yy sat 2 rows behind me. We all pretended we didn't even see each other. ANyway, I get the feeling she doesn't like him having any contact with me, and makes herslef included in any activitiy my ex has with his daughter. They can never go anywhere alone for a father-daughter outing, which makes me sad, but I can't control any of that. I email my ex about once a week, but after many attempts at hoping for a response, gave up. I feel its important that he knows what is going on with his children. Eventhough he talks to his daughter several times a week, I know she doesn't tell him everything. As example, she is dating now, and I wanted input on setting ground rules, etc, and asked for it.<BR>He is just now starting to respond, but mostly very brief and business like. I no longer expect any response, but when I get one that is great. I also now feel, that if he didn't want to hear from me, he could tell me to stop. I hope that is helpful for you. Again, thank you and Nelli for the response.

Your ex husband isn't married to her, therefore his finances and what he does is none of her business. I think it's great that he admits what he is suppose to be paying instead of trying to hide it from you. If he feels that he can't marry the other woman or won't marry her, plus he has to hide things behind her back they can't have a very good relationship. My ex has been living with his girlfriend for 3 or 4 years. Still no marriage plans and she's so concerned about him having any contact with me that she has gone to the extent of not allowing him access to his children what-so-ever. Now that's a sick mind considering that I'm re-married and could give a darn about him. Consider yourself lucky that your ex is man enough to still be concerned about his children.