I am so totally confused right now that I don't know what to do! I have gotten so much advice from my friends and family but I really need some neutral advice from someone who doesn't know either of us. I'll try to explain my situation quickly, I'm 26 a full-time college student with a 4 year old daughter. My husband and I were 21 when we got married. He has always been the type that will not show his feelings or emotions, he won't talk about anything that's bothering him. HE has partied and gone out the whole time we were married with his friends. (I've never suspected cheating) Now he tells me that he was too young to be married, that we fight all the time (about him going out) and that it just isn't there for me anymore. I have begged him to go to counseling. He says he has nothing to talk about. He has been gone 3 wks and he says he's not coming back and he wants a divorce. He says he is happy now. He came in the other day to see his daughter with his tongue pierced! I honestly love this man and I feel like underneath all of the other stuff that he is a good person. Am I crazy or should I cut my losses and file for divorce? This is really driving me crazy!

I think that you should probably do both.<P>You should file some sort of legal papers to protect yourself and your daughter.<P>But that does not preclude you from working on your marriage. Follow the steps. Plan A. I know this will be hard being a full time student with a four year old. I am a full time student with a 6 and a 1 year old. Wife has been gone almost 8 weeks now.<P>Do the best you can and take care of that little girl. Others will be along soon with other helpful hints.<P>Good Luck

I wish I had some sound, practical advise guaranteed to perform. Unfortunately, I'm not at all sure that I do. My wife has similarly decided that a divorce is what she wants; I expect to receive papers in the next few days.<P>All that I know for certain is that I want to 1) grow closer to God during this time of crisis, 2) be able to look in the mirror each day for the rest of my life and know that I did all I could to save our marriage, 3) maintain a relationship with her that will allow some possibility of reconilliation in the future.<P>Toward those ends, I can 1) pray and maintain hope for our relationship, 2) try to show her my love through a good Plan A, and 3) try to identify and work on improving the character traits in me that the lack of which contributed to our relationship getting to this point. <P>We are all created with a free will that can be exercised in ways that are inappropriate and hurtful to ourselves. This is what I firmly believe my spouse is doing right now. Nonetheless, nothing I directly say, do, or believe can directly change her decision. That change must come from within her. All we can do is try our best and humbly leave the results to God.<P>I leave with a quote from Diogenes (sp?), one of my favorite Greek philosophers "Nothing is as easy as to decieve ourselves, because we readily belive all that we tell ourselves." Our spouse's decision are theirs, and their decisions are made from what is currently a very warped perspective on reality based upon what they tell themselves.<P>I empathize with your situation and wish you the best. Take care of yourself.

Texan is really smart. You said it very well. I too have to accept what is my H will. He wants to hang on to his warped perception of reality. Theres nothing anyone can do about that. Only he can change. Free will. God wants to help our wayward spouses but, only when they look to him can he restore their love. In the meantime all we can do is take our hands off of it and leave it with God. (that is sometimes hard to do)<BR>If they never accept what God has for them than that is that. So all we can do is get strenghth from the Lord and improve our own spirituality. Im trying.<BR>I wish you all well.<BR>Lisa

Thank you all for responding, I know that God is the only one that can straighten all of this out. I pray that one day my x can see how good his life could be if God was in it. He is searching for something and he just doesn't know what it is but I do he doesn't know God. He can't turn to him for help the way that I can because he doesn't have a relationship with him. I pray that something will make him see this. Please keep us in your prayers because I do love him and I would do anything to keep from getting a divorce. I know whatever happens is God's will and I am putting it in his hands. I used to beg him to go to church but there was always something more important that he had to do. I don't know what to do about it because I can't make him go.

Dear Heartbroken1<P>My ex-boyfriend was also the quiet sort that does not express himself and I discovered that he actually has a dark side to him. I cannot tell you what to do as I myself is in a state of confusion as my husband told me during our honeymoon that he wants a divorce and I still am angry and unforgiving. We have since then lived apart for 3 weeks. He was still his usual verbally abusive self and mentioning divorce and cahsing me out of his home. I too, have decided to leave it to God's hands. I wish you well and hope God can show some light soon.<P>I am a non-Christian but believe that all things happen for a reason. I just wonder what it is coz God miraculously helped to push my non-Christian hubby to 6 weeks of marriage prep classes and got me through the wedding etc... and all for what? I have yet to learn.<P>Take care and eat well.<P>Luv<BR>Fire Phoenix.

Heartbroken1,<P>I'm not exactly sure how new you are here... to this forum...<P>but I'd like to Welcome you...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>A while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums... and a new one added...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=34&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>Divorcing/Divorced</A>...when efforts at reconciliation fail or are failing.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>Do read up on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...and let God lead the way.<P> <P>Jim