I haven't even gotten the papers for divorce yet that my wife is having drawn up. In the last 10 weeks, we have gone on a whirlwind tour starting with a vague sense that something was missing in our marriage, to her starting EA/PA, to her being convinced that divorce is the only solution.<P>In her mind, hopefully a "quick, easy divorce with as little impact on the kids as possible" - what wishful thinking BS with respect to the kids.<P>Anyway, my dominate emotion at this time is not anger, hurt, bitterness, rejection, etc. but rather just profound sorrow - sorrow for what I left undone in our marriage, sorrow for the choices she was able to make and her unwillingness to contemplate working to rebuild our marriage, sorrow for the impact on our two little boys. So much sorrow to go around and such a dearth of other emotions. <P>There is such a profound impact on all of our lives by this action that I feel like I should be more angry and resentful. Is sorrow a normal dominant emotion in this kind of a situation? It just seems so odd.<P>Thanks for any insight.

Texan,<P>I do feel your sorrow (see my recent posting). I, on the other hand, am pissed off at the whole situation. I don't know your history --- did you have an affair? <P>Either way, it takes two to make a marriage and two to save it. You can't force her to want to stay. I am learning all of this as I go. All you can do is take care of yourself and be the best person you can be for your children's sake. We can't undo what has been done. All we have is today and tomorrow ... not yesterday. <P>I hope I have helped some. Big Hug to you.<P>Ann

Mine has gone a bit longer than yours, and I started out in the anger phase. So much so that I hit her.<P>Now I too, am at the sorrow phase. It is just tragic that she chose this path. Even more tragic is that she can not see any other way to do this. I don't have nay anger for her anymore, and I don't feel sorry for her, after all, this is what she wanted.<P>Towards her, I feel compassion. I hope that she finds what she is so desperately looking for. And I hope she finds that it was right under her nose the whole time. Sometimes things close to you are the hardest to see.<P>My heart breaks for our son and daughter. My little baby girl is only one year old. If Larri continues on this path, this precious little baby will never know her mother as anything other than a visitor in her life. That is a tragedy.<P>Better stop now before I start crying at work.<P>Hang in there.

Texan,<P>Don't worry the anger will come. You will go through the whole range of emotions and just when you think you have conquered it and it is gone, it(the emotion)will return.<P>I attended a Divorce Recovery workshop and they compare our recovery to a slippery slope we must climb, starting with denial and going through depression and the whole realm of emotions and ending with healing. <P>The ascent is compounded in that it is a slippery slope and for every step we make up we may slide down two. We must also go through all the steps too. We can't jump from denial of the affair to a new relationship without the other steps and expect the new relationship to work.<P>We must take time to work through all these steps of going through these tough emotions. Some take longer than others. If we get hung up in any of them like depression or anger, we will not heal and be ready for a new relationship. For prolonged stays in any of the emotions, professional help may be needed(this is in addition to counseling a lot of us are going through.)<P>I too went thru the sorrow mode. I was numb from May (discovery) thru July ,when I caught her with om after she made a big deal about spending time with the kids(she left them by themselves to take him lunch at the motel he was staying in), thats when I've become angry. She was upset then that I was angry and still doesn't understand why I get angry.<P>I don't feel sorry for her any more, I gave her numerous chances to come home and she wouldn't. So it is her decision to leave the family and miss out on the kids. I can not feel sorry for anyone that made a bad decision and when given a chance(multiple) to correct it chose not to for what ever reason.<P>Just keep posting here, especially to vent your anger, as anger will not help your chances of reconciliation or even in the divorce. You must keep to Plan A.<P>Good Luck and God Bless,<P>Bob

Texan,<P>Sorrow, Remorse. Yes that is what you have. It hit me when my H told me that he wanted a divorce. Right now, I'm pretty sure that I won't ever be angry, simply because I decided before we got married that if my H ever found something he wanted more than me, then I would let him go. But I think the remorse will last forever. I think you should feel grateful that you have children. My remorse is caused by knowing that now I may never have children and I've wasted 13 years of my child-bearing years on a relationship that has failed.<P>You can call it sorrow, but I call it remorse because my marriage is pretty much dead.<P>Work through your feelings, but don't allow them to turn into anger. Anger is waste of emotion. Move ahead and remember to let your children deal with their own sorrow in their own way.<P>Karel (also a Texan. GO STARS!)<BR>