I just finished signing my divorce papers. Do you guys know of anything else I could have done. It has only been eight months since we separated and he found out about my affair. I've been going to counseling, begging his forgiveness, ....<P>In the mean time, he wasted no time in moving out, buying new furniture, and filing for divorce. I mean he moved quickly!!! He has not lifted a finger to try and repair or save our marriage. I know he is hurt terribly and I want to help him but what can I do?<P>I am tired of the limbo .. .not knowing if I'm coming or going ... waiting on his next move....being completely out of control of my life. In a way, this is a relief because at least I know what's going on. It's not what I would have chosen but I will have to be okay. <P>I am pissed off that he won't forgive me and doesn't think our marriage is worth fighting for. That's probably not the right stance to take but it is how I feel. I am sick of begging ... that is why I did not hesitate to sign. I'm tired of it being held over my head. <P>

Ann,<P>I don't have any advice but just wanted to pop in and give some support and <BR>(((((HUGS))))).<P>You tried and did your best. You will come out of this the better person because of that.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Ann,<BR>From what I read and hear, this is pretty standard procedure for a lot of guys. Most just seem unwilling to try to work on the relationship after its been damaged, heck, how many guys want to work on a relationship when it isn't damaged!<P>I would think that continuing Plan A would be your only chance of winning him back after the divorce if it takes place.<P>Hang in there.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

AnnR,<P>I am very sorry that it has all come to this. I hope you can move on with your life and find the happiness that you seek. <P>I will offer you some caution and some hope about your situation. Your affair lasted 8 months. It has been 10 months since your H's discovery of the affair. If you read the Harley material, it can take up to 2 years to repair a marriage. The length of time being mainly due to people working out the feelings of betrayal, guilt, and hopelessness. <P>Your H doesn't see a future for you two at this point and if you decide to be mad at him because he couldn't come to forgiveness, then there will be no reconilliation. But if you still Plan A him although divorced, it is possible that things can be rebuilt. Your two children will always connect you.<P>So don't give up hope about the future. Your H still has to deal with his anger and hurt and it takes time. But RWD is right the usual response to an affair is to file for divorce. Then all parties give up and move on. It is the thesis of this site that divorce need not be the normal ending, and further that people can recover from the pain of an affair but it takes time.<P>So have some patience and be the kind of person you would like to be. Treat your H in the same manner. All is not lost yet.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Ann ,<P>I dont' have specific advice for you because I am the betrayed.<P>I am almost divorced. I am sorry that things have ended this way for you. That is the unfortunate thing about affairs, they destroy marriages.<P>I don't ever plan on taking my husband back and nothing he can do will change that at this point. That is just my personal opinion on my own situation.<P>Take some time, to learn from this experience. There is no secret thing you can do to save the marriage. There is nothing you can do to take the affair back. All you can do, is look to the future and rebuilding your life as best as you can. If its meant to be, its meant to be. <P>Your husband sounds very hurt, but he may feel differently in time. Right now, take some time for you, and try to find some peace.<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>