I've been lurking, but not posting, the last few weeks. There are a few of you who would remember me and my story. I signed divorce papers about a week ago; waiting for my wife to sign and for it to be finalized and signed by a judge (no court appearance since we settled out of court). I don't want the divorce now any more than a year ago, but that is a foregone conclusion. <P>I have read posts on this topic off and on since the "divorce" category appeared. I can't put my finger on it, but it doesn't help me. I don't think it is anything personal with any of you who post. We're all in a lot of pain and trying to figure out what to do next. But I almost always sign off feeling more, not less, depressed about the experience of being divorced. But I wish all of you well. <P>Sheba, I had the most exchanges with you. Is your d final? Hope things are going well for you, all things considered. Blessings.

I know how you feel. I never end my visits with this board. I ususally go to the in recovery board for an uplift before I sign off.<P>Take care of yourself

Doc,<P>I can see why this may be a problem...<P>Those who have divorced... have gone beyond the Plan A and Plan B stages...<BR>...or at least most have.<P>What is left...<BR>...other than developing a new "single" life...<P>...or looking for a new mate.<P>In either case... a discussion of MB principles is a good thing...<P>...but limited in scope until you find a new person with which to apply your learned skills... and most don't want to (nor should they) move too quickly into a new relationship. On another post there was a 2-5 year time frame being discussed (from the time of the divorce), before a safe new relationship can be established...<P>...I'm not sure this forum is for those folks (maybe it is... I'm just not sure)<P> <P>Jim

Doc,<BR>I do understand how you feel. Many times...but not always... I also feel less than "uplifted" after coming here. It took me a while to even show my face on the divorce board. Many times I cry while posting and reading replies....but maybe that cry is just what I needed. I seem to be so strong.....so bottled up.....and a good cry...helps.<P>I,like you....really don't want a divorce.....I want my "old" husband back. He is an [censored] now.....so I don't want this one back. But if he "snapped" out of his fantasy world and came to grips with his anger and abuse.....I would be much happier.<P>I don't know how people are happier after divorce. I am not D yet...but I know I won't be happier. Just different. <P>I am a wishful thinker....but I also not in denial. I will go on...either way. Just wished it was "my" way...as a family<P><BR>Nancy<P>

Okay, so I'm still reading - and now posting at least once more. <P>Nancy, You sound healthy. Wanting what is apparently not available, but ready to move on (a phrase I have come to hate, because most people mean start dating). Better said, not in denial about what is really happening.<P>I, too, want my W back - but as you say, really back. She seems so locked into this direction of running as far from me as possible without a backward glance. Man, this is hard. But I am not interested in having her back as things are right now.<P>I certainly resonated with what you wrote. You don't sound "MENTAL" to me

Hi Doc -<P>I used the sad face cuz I am sorry..really, really sorry that you had to sign those papers....I'm shedding tears and can only pray that somehow, someway -either she won't sign or she eventually comes around to face herself down the road and realizes that she needs to deal with whatever she is running from with you.<P>I still haven't heard from my attorney since that awful special masters court date in Feb!! My H said that there is a trial date set for the end of May, which I don't want to drag this into. I am contemplating different approaches with H to try to ward off both the trial and the divorce. <P>We need more time...little by little, H is coming out with more about this whole mess!! I still have this "feeling" that it isn't supposed to happen and pray about it everyday. I haven't pushed contact with my lawyer but will have to get ahold of her before this trial date.<P>So, as of now - still in the holding pattern!!!!<P>I know what you mean about this divorced forum. It's the overall sense that we "have" to start looking towards another relationship, etc. I don't believe that that is what any of us should be doing!!<P>I, personally, am very peaceful (and even somewhat enjoying) this "alone" time!!! I have grown so much and am still learning and gaining strength through this process. I have absolutely no need for another entanglement - I have to recover from this one if that is the right way to say it.....<P>I also HATE that "move on" phrase!!! I have moved forward with myself in every aspect of my life by ALLOWING myself the time to process these emotions!! To try to bring another player into this situation is about the worst thing that I could do to my already topsy-turvy world!!<P>I need to BE ME....just me!! Not the wife, the lover, the fixer, the need-filer......<P>I need to set some goals and follow them through for MYSELF!!! I need to find the "Sheba" that I want to be. NONE of these things depend on what H does or does not do!!! NONE of these things depends on divorcing or not divorcing!!<BR>I have no intentions of staying at an angry, resentful or distant place with my Husband. I loved (and still do) this man for 13 years and that does not die because he changed his mind (or lost it!!) .<P>He will always be a part of my life, all that is changing is the title given to us....instead of man and wife - friends will be a place to restart from if that is what is in the cards.<P>I especially, get upset that people with kids don't take the time to get to an emotionally good place....this needs to be done and a "friends" atmosphere must exist for the sake of the kids. <P>Hang in there Doc. I don't know what God has in mind for us, but I do know that if we stay true to our beliefs and instincts - we will be led to whatever we are meant for.<P>I think that we are and should continue Plan A - for our own well-being!!! Not to show the spouses anything necessarily, but to continue to grow and become the people we should be.<P>Blessings to you also, plus some BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS - guess what this klutz did? I broke my toe yesterday!!!! And on my "bad foot" that was messed up in the accident to boot!!!! Ah, life!!!! Ain't it grand!!!!! LOL!!!!<P>