Hi everyone...I just got back from a business trip to Las Vegas. I had a good time, although I worked pretty hard while there. The whole time I was there, I didn't think about the dismal mess my life has become. It was out of my mind. I didn't have time to think about it. But now that I find myself back home, I feel more depressed than I did before I left. Why is that? H seems happy to be without me. He thinks life is just wonderful. He stayed at my house with the kids while I was gone so their school routine wouldn't be interrupted. The more I'm around him, the more I hurt, and the more I begin to despise him. There are times I can't even LOOK at him without feeling physically ill. I think it's finally hitting me that I have no one to depend on any more. I see my life stretched out before me and I see no joy. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Maybe I'm just tired...I don't know. Thanks for letting me vent a little.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Keri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Don;t no what to say, but wanted to tell you I hear you. Sending you big hugs...<P>Kathi

Sorry to hear you are down. As to the prospects of a life without joy, KNOW that God "knows the plans I have for you, plans to bless you and not to harm you, plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future." <P>I share the pain you feel - my W seems to be so happy to be "moving on" with her new relationship while she has yet to file for divorce. People can be so delusional when they choose to be - I firmly believe that is where our spouses are right now. And it is a choice, although it is a choice fed by fantasy and a lack of introspection.<P>Know that you have tremendous value to the Creator of the universe, that He delights in your presence, and He will form the events of your life toward a good and positive outcome. Unfortunately, His work progresses under His timeframe, not ours.<P>Take solace in Him, for truely with Him, all things are possible.

{{{{{{{{{KERI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Depression and exhaustion are linked very closely. When you are tired, you will feel more sadness and pain. <P>You have been through a lot, at the same time as me at times. Take some time to get your rest and strength built back up.<P>Lately, my life has been improving tremendously, and when I am tired, I do have down days still. All of them directly related to my STBX interfering constantly in my life.<P>Be strong, you've gotten this far. You will find happiness again, one way or another. Sending a big hug, Dana

All I can say is you're not alone in this feeling. I too have this feeling and it hurts like crazy. I don't know what else to say except don't feel that you're alone.<P>Baja

I totally 100% feel all those things. I'm getting closer to the D day (even though it's still months away). But I find myself not caring about what he's doing anymore and it makes me feel like I'm doing much better. I actually start to look forward to having my own house (even if I only can rent one now), and my own stuff, my own schedule. And I'm an at-home mom with no job whose looking at going back to work after a long hiatus. I've never even lived on my own. I know I won't make nearly as good a living for my kids as what they've been used to, but I still look forward to my own life.<P>I guess I've decided that I can't wind my happiness around another human being. I'm going to be happy with my life as it is, and then maybe being happy as a single human being who loves God - then I can offer someone else even more than I had in my 1st marriage. But even still, I won't wind my life around that person either. God's plans for us are as individuals, and his purpose for my life is not just being married. MY LIFE has a purpose, and I'm excited to see what that is. I don't worry, I really don't. I trust in Someone much bigger and able than me.<P>The only thing pulling me down is the mechanics of the lawyer/court stuff and the fact that my H seems perfectly willing to destroy any credit ratings we have by not paying the bills anymore.<P>Later-Kathy