H and I have been separated for 6 months. After the separation, I found out he had an affair AND a child! With this new honesty, I felt some hope in reconciling because now I knew what happened and we could work on rebuilding.<P>Well, it's been slow going. He's in counseling now, but is really slow to take responsibility for any of it. He works a lot of hours and doesn't spend much time with me. He sees the answer as him moving back home. I don't really want him to because I feel that we will just fall back into old habits and set the stage for things to be the way they were before the separation. He thinks I am resisting reconciling, but I am resisting future failure! I'm going for that long term goal over immediate gratification.<P>Should I let him come home? I proposed a two day temporary stay to see how that went. He wants all or nothing commitment.

Popeye,<BR>We've reconciled 6 different times, so you may not want to take any advice from me since my H & I are obviously on some wicked trial & error program....<P>It is difficult to make new habits together, when you are apart.<P>It is easy to fall into old habits--that didn't work before the separation/affair.<P>You will spend more time in the same place, will you be together? What I mean by that is, my H & I often spend better quality time together when separated, because he means to be here and is intentional about spending time. When he has moved home...he goes back to his old habits of watching TV, or on the computer and the same for me, I watch my TV or read a book or whatever it is I do. We can both be in the house, but not have any "time" together.<P>The temporary stay is unlikely to give you a real indication, unless it goes VERY badly. Anybody can be nice for a couple days.<P>At this time, I want my H to come home, and what he is saying to me sounds like what you are saying--avoiding another failure. What I would like from him is to give me his plan for coming home including: <P>What is his time frame for coming home, a week, month, 6 months? <P>What needs to happen before he is willing to come home? Counseling? Together or individual? Time spent togehter (the 15 hours/week that MB recommends) and you go your separate ways at the end of the evening?<P>If he wants to reconcile, and so do you...then make a plan and make sure that he knows you want the reconcilation and aren't merely having doubts.<P>Just some thoughts.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10