I have been living in the land of insanity over the last four months. I long for some kind of normalcy, bit of order, a bit on sanity. My H and I have been officially separated since March. I cannot financially afford to leave and take the children some where, and my H refuses to leave, so we are all under the same roof. My H goes from bringing me flowers to outbursts of anger in front of the kids, their friends, or any other poor unsuspecting soul near by. Last week he was served divorce papers. On that day, he behaved like a normal person would. He raged and yelled, vowed never to speak to me again, and said he was leaving. The next day, he brought me a bottle of wine and cooked dinner. He wants to take me away for the weekend. It's making me crazy!!!! Is that his intention? Has anyone else's Spouse behaved like this? He appears as if everything is normal and wonderful. I want to scream. Anyway, I am just tired and exhausted and don't know which way to go at this point.

Hi: I'm not that familier with your story but sounds like panic is setting in on your husbands part. My guess he figures if he quickly changes you'll stop the train from moving forward. I would say be friendly and chipper and see how long these changes last. I don't know how fast things progress in your state but take it day by day. You don't have to be lovey dovey but be yourself and continue to focus on you and the kids. <P>Missy2

Lonelylsoul,<P>I think your are seeing someone who is very hurt by many things and yet still loves you. It is very hard to know how to act when one emotion and another keep racing through your head.<P>You know with some effort on your part, you might be able to make a marriage you would want to be in. You never know.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

It doesn't sound at all weird to me. It is very typical for the betrayed to feel that range of emotion. Why do you say that it is normal for him to feel rage, but not love? You can not expect him to just turn off his love for you just because you want him to. It doesn't work like that. <P>

Nellie1...I quess to the outside, my H seems normal. I was the betrayer, he is hurt and angry, folks see me moping about with withdrawl for the OM, so why wouldn't my H be hurt? There is so much more to this that I would need an hour or two just to get it all down. I won't do that, so don't worry.<P>My H is verbally and emotionally abusive; he is a master at playing mind games. We have been married 16 years and he knows every botton to push to get the desired reaction. When he discovered the EA he was more upset about me doing something out of the norm than actually being hurt. We have been on an emotional roller coaster since January. I gave him a million opportunities to show me he wanted to work on our marriage. He would do nothing that he didn't want to do, which was basically everything. We went to counseling and when the counselor told us he felt a separation was the only way to wade through all the anger, he refused. The bottom line is either I come to heal or deal with it. I won't go back to more of the same, so I filed for divorce. The fact is I am still angry. I don't want to go away with him, or have him touch me. Does he respect that? No, he wants to and doesn't care how I feel. Nothing has changed. Anyway...I am sorry, I am rambling on and on. If anyone has a better idea on how to handle this, please let me know.<P>

Lonelysoul,<P>Just wanted you to know that I sent you an e-Mail from another thread. Hope that was OK.

It's weird alright, but not that unusual; I don't know your story so let me tell you what we're going through. W is the betrayer here and although she recognizes that she should leave the house she won't; the excuses? my daughter, the money and more.<P>She even suggested that we don't divorce, but that we live under the same roof but "free" to do what we please (read so she is free, since I feel like I can date anyone right now).<P>In your case, what do the courts say? Who has the right to stay home? I know money is an issue, but there's always something affordable (maybe it would mean lower his/your living standards but there's always something).<P>ALEX<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

ThisAlex....<P>I think I may have read one of your posts or threads before....your wife wants to be roommates, but doesn't want to be married. Am I right?<P>In my case, I have two children to provide for...I cannot afford to move out. My H could for he has a few places he can go and won't. We have separate bank accounts because he threatened on many occassions to close both accounts. He did make good on his threat and closed one of the accounts. He does not have to pay child support unless he leaves the house, but since he pays the mortgage and some of the other bills, I haven't said anything. Things are not good, but I think my H is trying to force me into a reconcilliation because financially, I am really struggling. He is wrong. Things are difficult and wierd and as stressful as they come. Some days my H acts like we are one big happy family and then the next he is hurtful and angry making threats. He has told me that he looks at this as war and he will win. So, until I get a better job, or we sell the house, and the kids finish school for the year, I am forced to live in the house of horrors.<P>LS<P>