I go see the judge next Monday. These last 5 months have been a nightmare. I didn't want this divorce but H is having the affair and will not stop, but would not file for a divorce. So I've had to do all the dirty work and go through the hell. He says that he is confused and suffering also but that he is so happy with the OW.<P>When we talk he is always so wishy washy and says that he loves me but just not "in love" with me and wants to make sure that I'm OK. He said, "this divorce isn't what I ever wanted but I guess it's the only answer since I've dug myself such a big hole." Why do they have to feel that way? When I've learned that marriages can be saved after an affair, but he doesn't want to try, he's enjoying his OW.<P>I am getting stronger and trying to move forward. My better days are when we don't talk since he is so wishy washy and confusing to me. I've asked him to not call and told him that I'm trying not to call him, but he is still wanting to be friends and talk. This is so hard on me. We have only been married 9 months and have no kids. We have nothing more to talk about. But will he still keep trying to keep in touch after this divorce or can I ever truly move forward? <P>

Sorry to see no responses to your post...<P>I'm not divorced yet...<BR>...but could be as early as June 5th.<P>I will most likely continue in Plan A... at least until my W marries the OM...<BR>...that too is likely.<P>I almost wish I could have made it to Plan B... but it doesn't look that way. <BR>I am in a semi-Plan B mindset now... since Steve Harley has prepared me for the divorce.<P> <P>Jim

slp,<P>I seems to me you can move forward. But your H will probably try to contact you for awhile. Why, because of the guilt and the reality of it finally hitting him. You see while he knew about the affair and adjusted to the fact that he was pulling away. You were probably surprised when you found out.<P>Well, for the past 5 months while he has been in fantasy land with OW, you have been addressing the issues of the marriage. You may not be comfortable getting the divorce, but you are reconcilled to it. He has addressed the divorce yet. <P>When it does hit him, you will be hearing more from him. He is in the standard confused state, and I suspect that affair will end; most do. But if you want to end the marriage then it is now your choice. <P>I know this is marriage builders, but if you have no children and the marriage is only 9 months old and he has been having an affair for over 5 months old you are not rescuing much of a marriage.<P>If you were to reconsider the divorce, it seems to me that you would have to start all over with the marriage from scratch.<P>I don't know if I have helped but my thoughts are with you.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Slp,<P>My ex does the exact same thing. She says that she thinks about coming back, but she "has to get herself out of this mess". There is no logic with her. I have decided to move on and hopefully she will try to come back if I leave her alone. I am in Plan B now and she doesn't like it. She too is very wishy washy. I am kind of sort of waiting for her affair to end, but it is hard to stay focused. Hang in there, let him chase you for a while. Be unavailble when he calls all the time. If there is any love left he will get curious and hopefully take his mind off of OW. Good luck

I would agree with dfloyd. Make yourself unavailable to him. Use your answering machine or caller ID to screen your calls.<P>Nothing really seems to work when they are in this confused state. If you want to save your marriage, you either have to go the full Plan A and put up with him still seeing the ow, or if you want to save what love you have for him go to Plan B. <P>The only other solution is to divorce him.<P>Good luck and God Bless.