Hello all. I'm pretty new here, i've posted once before and didn't get to many responses. Is it normal to feel regret after filing for divorce? I'm so lost now, and the divorce is getting close, and I'm not liking it. I've tried to beg my H to take me back, but he says he still loves me and the children but he needs his space.. and time to think about what he wants. He doesn't want to see a counselor, he thinks they just mess with his head. The whole reason for our divorce is posted in the emotional needs section.. Is it normal to be nervous about the final outcome? Is it normal to want your old life back, even if it wasn't that great? I'm scared, alone, and almost legally single. I've been married for years, how do you adjust to being single? My H and I have a great relationship now, and will the divorce change that once it's final? I'm so confused! How do I make him see that a divorce isn't needed? What's needed is communication! I just need a second chance... or am I just a disaster because the END is nearing... ? Help, please?! <BR>Thanks..<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kink:<BR><B>Is it normal to feel regret after filing for divorce? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes. For more on what "normal" feels like, check out After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring. I am reading that now and it has helped me to see a lot! <P>My H and I separated at my insistence before I knew about the affair. I just knew something was horribly wrong. Once I knew about the affair, I filed for a formal separation. Once I found out about his child, I filed for divorce. <P>Now it is just around the bend and I am having a whole lot of conflicting feelings. I want to honor my vows and explore what we have left. I never got married expecting it to be easy. I have come to terms with a lot of my issues, but he is just now starting counseling. He has a lot of catching up to do. I have forgiven him, but I insist on complete honesty so that I will know who this man really is (as someone said on another board- is he the liar I see before me, or the man I love who is having some problems?) and so that I will have some measure of protection from this in the future. What I have seen is that my H has been absolutely horrible and disrespectful. That hurts, but what hurts more is not knowing if he can change.<P>The book I mentioned has given me a lot of insight into that and that is helping me to make a decision. Knowing that what I am feeling is normal is such a relief! I hope it can help you too.

Kink...I think it is perfectly normal to have second thoughts about divorce; especially if you have given many years of your life working on it.<P>I filed for divorce in March...and waited and waited for the papers to be served. I had second thoughts, third thoughts, etc. I am a master at guilt and worried about the children, what this would do to them. I actually felt bad about my H. I went to counseling and I talked to my H until I couldn't bare to talk anymore. The papers were finally served and I still have my days when I am not sure. But I do know that I put up with a lot of years of mental and verbal abuse. I remember clearly wishing I could just run away with the children because I was so unhappy. I remember doing everything alone, having no support, being rediculed. I remember being turned down sexually; we could only make love on his terms. When I remember all of the gloom, I know I can't go back to that again. My H has not changed...counselors, ministers, you name it, have tried to explain the issues in our marriage. He believes it is me. I don't love him, so therefore its my fault...period. <P>It is terrifying. I haven't been single in 16 years, I know I have to find another job, I have no safety net, not prince charming waiting in the wings...just a blank canvas, a lot of uncertainty. I'll either make it or I won't. I choose to think I'll make it. I won't live like an endentured servant because I'm afraid.<P>Prayers and hope and luck will come your way.<P>LS<BR>

Thank you so much! I thought I was alone in the world, and the only person who ever second guessed my decision. I constantly worry about the children, and they are so young. They don't understand (ages 3 & 4), they don't see us argue. We try to get along for their sake, and we do it really well. Since we've filed for divorce, and moved apart our relationship has been better then normal. I don't know what's going on, but if divorce is what we needed to be able to raise our children better.. then that's what we'll do. I am just confused, and it sounds like that's normal. Thanks again, glad to know I'm not alone.. I'm a survivor, some how I'll make it. It will be rough, but I can do it. I have to do it, for the childrens sake and my own. Thanks!<BR>

<B>THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS!!!</B><P>I just posted something about my feelings these days as separation day approaches (not even divorce yet). I am sorry to hear what you are going through, and also sorry that I am not alone.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>