There's no icon to describe how I feel. <P>A bit sad, a bit relieved, and actually a bit angry.<P>I just wanted to drop in and say this is hard, this is painful, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone... even if it is the right thing to do. And sadly, in my case, I truly believe it is the right thing to do.<P>It sure as hell hurts though.<BR>

Iam so sorry for your pain.God bless you .bethn

Sheryl,<P>Welcome to the horrible world of heading for the big D. Yes it is very painful. I think you have exhausted every option to you, try not to feel too much guilt. The pain will pass so long as you sort through all the feelings involved, and learn what ent wrong and try to correct the things in you that contributed to the demise of your marriage. Remember you are not responcible for David's choices and decisions or lack there of.<P>Hang in there you will survive.<P>Love Ya,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Sheryl,<P>There are so many things I want to tell you, but I don't know if you are ready to hear them yet.<P>You know that I support your decision to do this, right? I support you in whatever you decide is best. It's been a long, hard road for you and David. <P>I do have one question, though. Did you file out of anger? I know you are exhausted. I know you have fought the good fight. But Sheryl, I filed (legal seperation) out of anger and now look at me!!!!! I am trying like hell the pull him back in. If only I would have waited until that feeling past. Who knows where I might be right now??????<P>I am not trying to make you feel bad, or guilty or ANYTHING. I just want you and David BOTH to have peace about this. I think right now neither one of you knows what you want.<P>Sorry, I said I wasn't going to say anything. Sometimes, you just can't shut me up!!!!! <P>I love you. You know that. I am here for you always. You are in my prayers.<P>Love,<P>Cheryl

<B>Beth</B>, thank you for the kind thoughts! <P><B>Bill</B>, I love you to pieces... thank you for being here for all of us (and most of all me!)... you are one of the VERY good guys around here!! <P><B>Cheryl</B>, Yes, a bit out of anger, but mostly it's resignation. It's been too long in this place of pain, and he didn't do the one most important thing I asked - get an HIV test. This one thing is the most important thing, even moreso than stopping contact with the OW. He doesn't care if I live or die. I did it all, every humiliating test, after my affair, I went to therapy, I didn't hang onto OM... even though I had to see him daily at work. One year later, I can say that I have made it to the other side with OM still working with me. That was so hard, but I did it. I never so much as touched him again. Yes, I'm angry. And yes, my dear friend, I know how much you love me. I love you too... BIG HUGS!! <P><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited May 10, 2000).]

Sheryl...<P>Peace be with you... <P>Really love from my heart!<P>As you know... I too am headed for divorce (Steve prepared me for it... said it was vitually inevitable)<P>No matter who initiates it... it is hard.<P>You have fought a <B>very</B> good fight!<P>David just misses so much of the messages we (at the forum) sent to him... I am personally saddened by that.<P>You will have my support, dear Sheryl.<P>In time you really will have peace of heart.<P> <P>Jim

I'm so sorry Sheryl. You have my support and prayers...

Ah <B>Jim</B>,<P>Another one of the REALLY good guys! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers, and I hope you find some peace too!! You just can't end a 20 year marriage without some pain. David is a good man in so many ways, and I will miss the goodness... <P><B>NoTrust</B>,<P>My dear woman... thank you for the support and prayers, and you have mine too!!! It is so sad, isn't it?<P>

I am so sorry NB....I really am.<P>I hope this road leads you and David to the peace that you both crave.<P>BIG HUGS, PRAYERS and all my love to you both,<P>Sheba

Sheryl,<P>You know I am sorry to see this happen. I hope that this does give you and David peace. But you know me, still the optimist. So within me there is hope for you two.<P>But I will say no matter how this turns out, I hope you find peace and happiness. I hope David does too.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

My dear friend....<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sheryl}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I love you and wish you such peace and happiness. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this as well.<P>Lori

Sheryl-<P>I can feel your pain and I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. As all have said before me...you did what you thought was the best way to find your way back. David made his choices and now you have to care about Sheryl...and self-care is important.<P>I think you and I talked about some things that can "Help" you as walk this path and I'm going to mention one that I think is a good one and that is a Healing Jouurnal book that I really think is one that helps you move through the loss. "The Healing Journey Through Divorce" Phil Rich EdD, MSW & Lita Linzer Schwartz, PhD, ABPP...Published by Wiley. Get it for yourself...it can really help to soften the raw pain for you.<P>Peace to you. You deserve it.<P>mrrlk

Sheryl,<BR>I will be thinking about you today....this is a very difficult and painful time for you and while you are going through it, no one knows just how much you are hurting..but be strong, it will pass, and you will find happiness once again. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Susan

<BR>I'm so sorry to hear about this, Sheryl. How I had hoped it would have turned out differently.<P>Cling to God thru all of this. He'll be your strength and comfort.<P>Write me if you need an ear/shoulder.

JL<P>You fountain of hope, you!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>But you know me, still the optimist.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You admitted being an optimist! <P>Sheryl,<P>Of course it's painful. The death of a relationship always is. Feel your pain and let it move through you. Don't let it get stuck. I truly believe that this is the right decision for you. You have endured so much. It will take time ( did I just use that word? ), but the pain will pass.

<B>Sheba</B>,<P>Yep, peace, lovely peace would be so very nice! Thank you for always listening, and most of all for always finding David's posts and trying to be there for him. BIG HUGS!<P><B>Just Learning</B>,<P>Hope springs eternal in the world of JL!! Finally, I get to use that face again!! Biggest platonic hug I can muster, my friend.<P><B>lostva</B>,<P>Ah Lori, you have proven that this stuff works, and I couldn't be happier for you! Take care, and thanks for the hugs!! Back at ya, by the way!!{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lori}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><B>mrrlk</B>,<P>Yes, I feel pain, and frankly it almost surprises me. I thought it was all gone! It's that fantasy world I live in, I guess. Thank you for the journal idea, and I will look for it!! I stopped journalling last year, and it's about time to take it up again. I'll honestly look that one up- today, if possible.<P><B>sue</B>,<P>Thank you sue, and yes, I'm hoping to find happiness and peace once again!<P>Oh <B>Maya</B>,<P>HI!! Long time!! I am sorry about this too... but as I said, strangly relieved. Clinging to God is a concept that I have lost sight of... thank you for reminding me.<P><B>TruthSeeker</B>,<P>JL can be so annoying, huh? Yes, it is the 'death' of the relationship, and that's the part that hurts. Not so much how hard I tried or how hard David tried, just that it's actually over. <P><B>EVERYONE</B>,<P>I just hope I never made this sound one-sided, like David is some idiot. He is <B>NOT</B>!! Those who know me best know that I have my own hurdles to cross, and that I've set up some new ones for myself recently that are making this transition even more difficult. <P>My girls kept me up until past midnight crying and angry... all the fears and pain rolled up into 'you're a bad mother' and then the guilt for saying such a thing to me. See, it doesn't matter how old they are, and mine are nearly 19 and 18 (and my son who is 15)... kids suffer for this. My oldest daughter wrote me a note this morning and said how sorry she was, that I am a wonderful mother, etc., and I am thankful for that. It's hard to get too hurt and upset when I know what they are dealing with... the death of the family as they understand it. I think I forgot about that. My latest MO is to hide out and feel my pain, or hide out and talk to anyone but my kids about my pain (thinking I was sparing them) and I now know that I have been wrong in that. Life is hard, but I've just made my kids lives a bit harder. I hate this. Still, I will press forward, because I cannot do otherwise. <P>Thank you everyone for responding, it makes me feel special!! <BR>

Sheryl,<P>I feel for you. My divorce is final - almost a month now. For me it is relief to have this chapter closed and I am trying my best to remember the best parts of my former relationship and to let go of the most recent painful past. This does take a long time to get to there. I am defintiely not there, but am on the way for sure.<P>The worst part about the divorce is that it is a death - a death of dreams, hopes and the family unit in the way you know it best from happier times. There is no getting around it - you are experiencing losses and you definitely have to grieve those losses. Not just you, but also david and the kids.<P>But, I do promise that one day you will wake up and feel better. Not now...it is too soon. But, one day you will. My firm and truest belief is that when one door shuts, God <B>always</B> provides another open door - but we have to be on the lookout for that open door. You are in the process of closing the door on present unhappy and painful times and in your future, there will be another door opened for happier and more peaceful and loving times. Keep your eyes and heart open, my friend!<P>Prayers and love, Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey Desiree,<P>Yes, you understand... remember how I always said 'my gorgeous David'... I will miss him, but not the 'him' that is in front of me now, the 'him' that used to be. God, even after his earlier affairs we were okay, not great always, but okay. This time, with my affair and then his, it just seems like we can't get past it <sigh>.<P>I do look forward to happier times, and I wish the same for you sweetie. Yes, we'll just keep looking for that open door! <P>Take care!!

Oh Sheryl,<P>Somehow I thought that through all the agony, pain, grief, and stuff, that you and David would work through it. <P>My dear friend, you know that I FEEL what you are going through. I've been there and still living it. You are always in my thoughts...<P>Email me if you want to,<P>TL

Hey TL,<P>Yeah, life can be surprising sometimes... I kind of thought, at least up until about a month ago, that we could work it out somehow. I know this is the right thing to do, for my sanity, but it doesn't make it much easier...<P>Hugs