Hi All,<P>I haven't been around much lately. I've been trying hard to do things for me and the kids and not worry about my x. I went and registered for some more classes this summer. Keeping busy seems to keep my mind off of everything else.<P>Last week I was called to sign the final divorce papers. Believe it or not, it was actually a relief to finally get it over with. I spoke with my x last weekend and of course he is still blaming me for everything!! He still takes no responsiblity for his affair or anything else. It is ALL my fault. Oh well, so what's new? He did say that he has thought about the option of us working things out at a later date...like in the movies. He says that we just need to take things very slowly. Now why would I want to go back to someone who is blaming me for everything? I'm just going on with my life and whatever happens...happens. <P>Just thought I'd update everyone. Now I'm going to try and read up on what is going on with everyone else. Take care.<P>Tulip

Tulip,<BR> Wow,you're staying up late!You're right,keeping busy is the only way to go.<BR> Your X is right,you know.His affair is ALL your fault!Well,maybe not all,but that's the same story I got from my W(and her family).<BR> Isn't it amazing how some people can blame others for their irresponsible actions?Like you put a gun to their head.Like your X,my W always seemed to blame me for everything.She even blamed me for the decisions she made in our marriage.Well,now that I'm out of the picture,she can start blaming her BoyToy.<BR> All blaming aside,I hope you can recover your self-esteem,along with a fellow Blamee here.Maybe we can start a support group for all the other Blamees out there.What do you think?I think it's time for this Blamee to hit the sack.Have a good weekend. --Murph<BR> P.S.-Now look what you did.You made me reply to your post,and kept me up later!

{{{{{{{{{Tulip}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm gald your doing for you.<BR>It is the goal of Plan A and Plan B...<P>...and now that you've lost the love/respect of your H...<BR>...you can move on to a healhier life and maybe even a new relationship... in time! )<P> <P>Jim

Tulip,<P>You need to concentrate on you, and do as many activities as possible to rebuild your original self esteem, the one you had before the marriage.<P>I also, am to blame for everything. Our value systems are completely different, and therefore set up differences that are hard to overcome. I would bet there are similar dynamics working with your XH (How do I make the X bigger and bolder?)<P>Take your time, and relax, and actually limit your exposure to your XH. That will allow a better perspective on yourself and your future.<P>best wishes<P>thl<BR>

Murph,<P>A Blamee Support group is a great idea! How many members do you think we'll have? I'd be willing to bet it would be almost every betrayed out there <P>I saw my ex today and his family. Yuck! Well, at least to the family part. Can you believe they acted like nothing had happened? They condoned every bit of what my X did and they want to be nice to me? Well, at least I know where my ex got his screwed up thinking. Must be genetic. <P>I'm feeling better and better everyday. I never thought I'd feel this way 9 months ago. I just hope I continue to feel this way. <P>I hope that you are able to regain you self esteem also. Mine is starting to come back slowly, I think. If we just hang in there we'll make it no matter what happens. Take care and hope things are going well in your life.<P>Tulip<P> <BR>

Jim,<P>Thanks. It is becoming easier now that I am REALLy doing for me. I am much happier and don't think about the divorce as much. My counselor told me I'd have a downfall after the divorce, but so far I feel relieved. I guess someone can only beat you down so far before you just let go. Take care.<P>Tulip<P>

Tulip,<BR> Things are going OK,thanks.<BR> My in-laws seem to condone her actions,too,and want nothing to do with me now.They must have me confused with the Hillside Strangler.I feel like I cheated on her!<BR> But even her brother admitted to me that he was seeing a woman for drinks behind his W's back.Maybe I'll be getting a call from his W someday asking for advice.Does this run in the family?<BR> Yes,I feel different,too.I can think so much clearer now.I can remember a lot of disrespectful things my stbx did to me.I think she drove my self-esteem down,too.I feel like I have more respect for myself,now,and I don't take any $hit from no one.<BR> What you said about getting beaten down before letting go is so true.That's pretty much what happened to me.I'm filing very soon.Stbx is still living with her BoyToy;never thought it'd go the distance.<BR> I'm glad to hear you're doing better,and gaining back your self-esteem and happiness.Maybe someday you can come to Seattle,and I'll buy you a cup of coffee,(excuse me,I meant a Mocha Grande!).<BR> --Murph~~~Sleeping better in Seattle

{{{{{TULIP}}}}<P>I am glad to hear you feel relief. I can't wait til the day I get to sign mine. We have to go to trial because he is wasting time and money. <P>Hadn't seen u around lately, just wanted to pop in and say hi.<BR>Dana<P><BR>

Murf,<P>(not to but in on Tulips post)<P>I really think that affairs do run in the family. Tony cheated on me non-stop and his family helped him. Last summer his sister cheated on her then boyfriend with the boyfriend's best friend. <P>His entire family is on crack cocain. I just minimize all contact with them. In fact I am not even going to Nantucket this year. Why should I be punished for all of Tony's affairs. And besides they would rather see me gone than a part of Tony's life. <P>Therefore, I really wonder if it does not have a pattern. Think about it the family must at some point not instill values and it just breaks down along the way. Ok just my thoughts.

Murph,<P>Boy, do I know what you mean about feeling like you cheated on her. Hmm...maybe our spouses families are related! I mean after all it is all OUR fault! Their little darlings could do no wrong. <P>Like you, I can't believe that my ex's sl*t has lasted this long. I'm sure that neither relationship will be around for the long haul. <P>I've never been to Seattle. Another one of those places on my list of wanting to go someday. Well, If you ever get down south you'll have to let me know. Take care.<P>Tulip

Dana,<P>Pop on in anytime to say Hi! When are you going to trial? Do you think there is any hope of him backing down before you do go to trial? I know my ex threated me all the time about how he was going to get everything, blah, blah, blah. Well, his lawyer asked for mediation and he really didn't end up with much. We did agree on joint custody, but he agreed to let me have the final say if we don't agree on matters with the children. yeaaa!!<P>I hope that you will find some relief when yours is final too. I know it is hard but it really does get better. Take care.<P>Tulip<BR>