Just when it seems like I'm moving along pretty well, getting a handle on the *pain <BR>management* and having more hopeful thoughts and good days than I've had in a long <BR>while, something H says/does triggers a *pain relapse and I just can't stand that I have to <BR>co-parent with him FOREVER! <P>Today he showed up at the park where my children, some of their friends, and I, were <BR>watching a Baseball game and hanging out. <BR>He wanted to spend some time with our two year old, so he started playing catch with him, while my older son and I, (and friends) were running races for fun. <P>I was having a really good time, and then a teenage girl walked past H <BR>& son, H did a *heads up* and promptly repositioned son so he could play catch, and, <BR>watch this girl too. I can't believe how quickly my mood fell, as I watched H's attention to our son drop off sharply!<P>Why does this still bother me?!? Most men I know check out women and it never bothered <BR>me before, but about a year or so before H's affair (and permanently there after), he <BR>became what can only be described as obsessed * with "staring", to the extremes of <BR>disappearing (in amusement parks,restaurants, parking lots, grocery stores and, (especially), forth of July celebrations) ect... <P>Pretty female walks by, seconds later H has to:<BR>Use the bathroom (again!).<BR>Forgot *something* somewhere.<BR>Suddenly needs an Item in another part of the store.<BR>Will BRB...ect...<BR>You know all those excuses that persons involved in an affair use to get out of the house to *sneak* a phone call or meet OP? Well I swear, it's just like that!!!<P>I don't see much of H anymore so it's been a while since I've seen him do that, but it made me feel really bad, really fast! God! What is the matter with me!?! I KNOW he does <BR>that!!!! So what do I care? <P>When will this stop bothering me!!!??!!<P>Then this guy walks by wearing a *Hooters* tee-shirt, (and by the look of his HUGE beer <BR>gut, he's been there a lot!), and I threw him a sarcastic "nice shirt"! He glared at me, but Geezzzzzzz! I wonder how men would feel if women had a *club* and we wore shirts that <BR>said *PENISES* on the front , and the men HAD to know that women would pay A LOT of money to view the really big one's!! (not that women would ever be that stupid). <P>I have seven brother and four son's, I really do love men, but there really are more of the <BR>*Hooter* variety than the good guy's. and I find that so depressing!!!!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Girlfriend (edited May 18, 2000).]

Our counselor talked about this tendency of men this week. Said that his wife (before becoming a pastor/counselor, years ago he was a hound)is very good at knowing what is going to catch his eye and redirects his attention. The thought of redirecting my H for the rest of my life made me tired . Hooters is one type of thing, but I know the other day at the gym there was a pro-football player who had so many muscles he could barely strut . And even though I don't find that thing personally appealing--wouldn't want a man like that of my own--he caught my eye every time he passed by. True, I was looking at his legs, thinking, y'mean the quads can define separately? and looking at my legs and seeing no evidence of my quads...I hear that's not what men are thinking? <P>You aren't responsible for his wandering eyes.

I vote we call the club "Peckers" instead of "Penises"! I'm sorry...I know you are hurting but that was really funny! I had a really crappy day yesterday when I found out that H's OW who lives 800 miles away has "given" her dog to my H. That can only mean she is moving here soon to be with him. It hurt like he!! and I've been going through this for a year. I wonder if I'll ever feel normal again. I wonder if I will ever progress past this pain that keeps reaching up and slapping me in the face everytime I find out something about H & OW's relationship. I long for the day that I feel completely indifferent. I can't believe that after a year I still feel so raw. It makes me feel like I'm useless and unloveable and what's wrong with me and if only this and that...and on and on and on. I get obsessed on it. Why? I don't know. I guess I still love him despite the mental and emotional abuse I've endured for the last year. I just want to feel joy again for longer than a couple of days running...you know? We just have to hang in there. I hear it does get easier with time. I surely hope it does.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi, <BR>Thanks girls, for replying,<BR>Lor: <BR>That guy at gym would have caught my eye too,<BR>because he's an ABNORMALITY! <BR>seriously, I dated a one of *those* before, and you just cannot *snuggle* them, they do not *yield* at all! ( couldn't even squeeze his butt, my fingers could not get a *purchase* anywhere. It was like rock marble )<BR> He was also very into appearances, HIS OWN, that is! <BR>I could not seem to get him past any reflective surface, (even a gum wrapper on the side walk could stop him <P>As for the wandering eye thing... <BR>it is totally natural to find persons of the opposite sex attractive and to look at them. <BR>Some people just have no class, and do not care if they are disrespectful about their leering. <BR>We all have plenty of opportunities to look a bit longer or whatever when we are NOT <BR>with our partner,( in a way that does not offend anyone, staring was still RUDE last time I checked!)<P>I saw a movie once called "The Legacy". There was this great scene: A guy was waiting <BR>outside a mansion for his fiancé. <BR>He was standing beside a pool. <BR>A very attractive woman dove in and he was watching her swim while he waited.<BR>His girl came out, walked over and stood watching with him for a few minutes, then said,wistfully, "She has a better body than me." <BR>He looks at the woman in the pool and say's, <BR>"Yes. She does." Then he looks at his girl and say's, but it's YOU...I love.<P>Then they walk away holding hands, End of scene. <BR>That's what I mean by having class. Admitting what is, no phony pretending your not <BR>looking, but not hurting your partner.<P>Kerdwin,<BR>Yeah..."Peckers"! (I was trying to think of a good alternative to penises but everything <BR>seemed to end in a k <BR>I was thinking about you yesterday, saw your other post about the ow's dog. I hope she <BR>doesn't move here, or mabye she'll move here and HATE it! <BR>Do you think there could be another reason for his having the dog? <BR>Maybe she had a vacation or something and needed someone to watch it?<BR>I think we'll hurt over these things less & less. I really do. I just know I can't spend ANY time with my ex right now. I need to keep my mind on myself and my kid's right now.<P>Meet ya at Peckers later for a drink k? <P><BR>

See you there! I need a "girl's night out" anyway. H says it's his dog that a "friend" gave him because "he" didn't have anywhere to keep the dog. This is the story he concocted for the kids. I know it's her dog because in their e-mail love letters that I found, she talks about her "black Lab, Bubba" and running on the beach with him. My H's "new" dog is a black Lab named Bubba who is 8 years old. Too much of a coincidence. Plus he hasn't breathed a WORD of it to me. I only found out through my innocent 9 year old telling me all about this new dog, yadda, yadda, yadda. I just added 2 and 2 together. She is either already here living with him (and leaving when he has the kids) or she's in the process of moving down. From her letters you can tell she's nuts about the dog. I don't think she would just give it away with no plan to ever see it again. When the realization hit, I felt sick and my face got hot...you know the feeling I'm sure. I didn't understand another word my son was saying. I just hope he gives the kids some time to adjust to all this before he starts bringing her around. My attorney just called. He's filing my complaint today. So the divorce is underway. Also, I think maybe she is living here because my H went to buy a used stove and didn't need to borrow my van per usual. He went and picked it up earlier this week. She owns a truck. It was too big (and too far) for him to pick it up in his Mitsubishi Mirage. His mom & dad were both at work. He called me to borrow some handtrucks the day he went to pick it up. I thought he sounded weird. I now realize she was probably standing right there listening to him. He also was off work all last weekend and the beginning of this week. Maybe to help her move in? He NEVER gets time off. God...I think I'm going to be sick again. Oh well. I'd be a pretty good detective. Thanks for letting me vent.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi Keridwen,<BR>Yup...sure sounds like she's here. (Wonder how she likes having to hide?). My ex does that too. Wants my life to be an *open book* (*revolving door* even!), but acts like his is some kinda *top secret* off limits , high security, type deal. <BR>Well, we all know why they hide & lie about things, right <P>I remember when I used to take notice of every little inflection in my H's voice and such. That was when I was still hanging on.<BR>I don't talk to him on the phone any more. I just let him talk to the machine. <BR>I don't trust him at all now so it makes no sense for me to get *sucked into* the lines he feeds people. <BR>I only talk to him about our son as infrequently as possible. I wish I could par that down even <BR>Hang in there!<P>

Easy there ladies.....Not all of us guys are hounds...Though sometimes I wish I possesed the talent...LOL Because I'm tired of being alone.<P>I too an having a bad XW day...Just one of those resentment filled moments I guess. I mean after all she literaly wrecked the world as I knew it. She deserves whatever misery befalls her, though she doesn't feel it, I know it will hit her eventualy and I can't wait. Was that mean??? I think so but that is how I feel right now...sorry.<P>I will confess to being a girlwatcher myself, though not obsessive like you describe but non the less I still look. I like to think I have enough class not to gawk when I'm with the woman I love. I think it is the natual tendency of males to notice the opposite sex, call it an animal magnatism if you will, however I think it rude to stare with lust filled eyes, and shows alot of disrespect toward the one you are with.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Bill,<BR>Sorry your here! Feel free to vent away!<P>>I know it will hit her eventualy and I<BR>can't wait. Was that mean??? <<P>Bill...that WAS rough!! (you meinie! ) <P>btw... It's the natural tendency of *people*,<BR>(not just males) to notice members of the opposite sex. <BR>Most women (imho), are just more sensitive to the feelings of others, and thus tend not to *gawk*.<P>I know there are some great men out there Bill, no offence intended.<P>Join us at *peckers* for a drink & a table dance? <p>[This message has been edited by Girlfriend (edited May 18, 2000).]

Girlfriend,<P>These are the types of threads I like! No matter how much pain everyone is in, they can still joke around! <P>I admit to noticing men, but I do NOT gawk. And I know women who will. I know some that do the wolf whistles and everything. (personally I think men enjoy women whistling at them more anyway! )<P>I'll be joining you at "Peckers" as soon as the kids get to bed!! And I'm treating myself to a few drinks too!!!<BR> <P>Mitzi

Hi Mitzi,<BR>Glad you could join us! <P>I don't generally don't gawk, guilty on occassion though, (you had to be there!! )<P>I loved my H, would never have dissed him like he did/does me.<P>Now though... if I see something I like <P>Yes, I have too agree that Guy's love compliments!! <P>Bottoms up <BR>

OK...I know all men are not like my H. Thank God!!!!!!!! In fact, he used to be a pretty decent fellow. I'm not really sure where that person I knew and loved went. As for still hanging on - guilty as charged. After 15 years of marriage (17 years altogether), 3 kids, numerous pets, a home, a Navy stint, it's hard to let go in just a year. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this man. Sometimes it's just hard to deal with. This has been a rough couple of weeks for me. Like I said, the other day was the first anniversary for the first time they had sex. May 24th is my 15th wedding anniversay, May 26th is D-day. Plus I find out she's moving here soon. I'm feeling more than just a little overwhelmed. I'm glad H has the kids this weekend. Maybe I can just have a good cry. That always makes me feel better. Thanks for listening to me. Meet you at "Peckers"!<BR>I need an extra large Margarita!!!!!!!!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Joke:<BR>If a man wakes with thoughts of eggs and bacon he has already committed breakfast in his mind.<P>I suppose if I have to explain it, I didn't tell it right . Just thought it fit on this thread.

Girlfriend:<P>Hey. I know we started out on the wrong foot seeing as how I am a self-righteous b**** and all, but, I gotta tell ya, I laughed harder on this thread that anywhere else in a long time. I especially liked your take on your 'date'...Bluto? <P>Looking back over the past two decades, my spouse always glanced, but a couple years before his fling, when he started drinking again, I noticed a marked increase in the glances. They lasting longer and were more frequent. Made me feel so bad and so insecure. Not good. But, it does say a lot more about them than it does about you and me.<P>Would love to meet at Peckers and join you for a drink.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited May 20, 2000).]