I've really, really tried to be fair, honesty, supportive, and open to doing things amicably, but I am really being pushed to the point of hate.<P>My H and I have gone back and forth about working things out and breaking things off completely. I knew about a past affair and baby and STILL thought we could get through this if he was just honest with me. <P>Well, now I find out that there is yet another bimbo in the past. This one has been lurking around and trying to get with him ever since I've known him. It appears (from cell phone records) that he had an affair with her lasting a year two years ago. (He doesn't mess with women that he is not sleeping with). I don't know if they are together now, but he wants to be "friends" with her. I told him he could be friends with her all he wants, but I won't be around.<P>Now this woman has the audacity to call my house and threaten to come over here and do what? <P>I have been really cool through all of this, but this is just too much. We ARE getting divorced. It is 2 weeks away and can't get here soon enough, but the legal finality doesn't make any of these crap any easier to take. I just feel like he's using me as a punching bag.<P>I absolutely do not want to be with this man. It was totally different when the women were in the past and known about, but this one is right here. If I had known all these months that his ambivalence had been due to her, I would never have hung around this long.<P>It's really hard not to hate this man. Amazing isn't it? Just days ago, I would have done anything for him.

Popeye:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It's really hard not to hate this man. Amazing isn't it? Just days ago, I would have done anything for him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Rationally speaking, you're not ready for divorce yet. You're letting your emotions get the best of you right now.<P>I'd suggest that you sit back and wait on this. If you need your husband gone (Plan B), then do it. But I wouldn't push full steam ahead with a divorce.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by K:<BR><B> Rationally speaking, you're not ready for divorce yet. You're letting your emotions get the best of you right now.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hahaha! You're a breath of fresh air. Thanks!<P>I know that if I am still raging about it, I am still emotionally connected, but most days I really just don't care. It's just that today this woman had the audacity to call my house! Who does she think she is? What is she trying to prove? I know I don't have enough information to really know what their "relationship" is now. It seems like she is just lurking hoping to catch him as he falls, but the fact that she is even there and he does nothing about it just enrages me!<P>When the issues are focused just on me and him, I am totally cool. We deal with things rationally. There is no trying to "get" the other or anything like that. But this woman coming around like she has some kind of say or power is just maddenning. I'd like to twist her head 360 degrees!

Whoa, Popeye:<P>I just tripped across this a few minutes ago. I must have missed this back when you wrote it. This is an extremely shocking revelation for you...what was he thinking?<P>Now that the deception is compounded with yet another surprise, I know you must be reeling. <P>Discovery is a nightmare anyway, especially when you think you know almost everything there is to know, suddenly other ugly secrets are unearthed when you least expect it.<P>I am curious what your husband had to say about this. How old is this guy anyway? Is he in mid-life crisis or a problem drinkier...or just a stinker? What about his family background? Have you guys been married a lot of years and is this the first time he's ever done anything like this or lied to you?<P>This OW2 that you were completely unaware of has some nerve. I can understand your rage and overall shock at this new revelation, but, I'm wondering if there is more to it than meets the eye. If his affair with OW1 and OW2 coincided, could he have some kind of psychological thing going on?<P>I don't have any advice, Popeye. My ex-husband was a dog, lot's of OW's--more than two. I shook him like a bad habit. Yet, I hang on like hell for this marriage, this husband.<P>You a such a strong woman and so wise. I wonder, though, if you are not a little hasty. Perhaps? Maybe not. What if he's sick? <BR>If you could ever get your spouse to get honest, the could be a window of opportunity for your both. This way, the way he's going, there's no window, only the door.<P>The ONLY consolation when the wayward spouse has more than one 'tootsie pop' is that most likely none of them are very important to him at all; it's more like a herd and he thinks he's the bull. Maybe a counselor can find out whazzup with Ferdinand.<P>Ugh. This is an awful turn of events. Like you said, a few days ago you were willing; now this.<P>Catnip =^^=

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by catnip:<BR><B>I am curious what your husband had to say about this. How old is this guy anyway? Is he in mid-life crisis or a problem drinkier...or just a stinker? What about his family background? Have you guys been married a lot of years and is this the first time he's ever done anything like this or lied to you?<P>If his affair with OW1 and OW2 coincided, could he have some kind of psychological thing going on?<P>You a such a strong woman and so wise. I wonder, though, if you are not a little hasty. Perhaps? Maybe not. What if he's sick? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>He's still young, we're in our 30s. No drinking problems, no drugs. Been together 8 years, married for 5. I thought he was one of the most honest people I've ever known. I knew he wasn't perfect and had done some regretable things in his younger days. (He was wild at a VERY young age doing things grown people don't even do). I thought he'd outgrown that. I never saw any signs of it at all.<P>I don't think there is anything psychological going on. I guess you never know, but he seems rational. I am the one who gets irrational when this Whore shows her face! <P>Things have calmed down a lot though. In some ways I think that maybe this Woman is making it all up. I know she's been stalking him for years and can't figure out what she is trying to do. She acts "friendly" to him, then does some petty sneaky stuff behind my back to get him thinking evil thoughts about me. It's possible that this is just another one of her games to get me out of the picture, but he has lied so much that I am really not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's true that she was there all along and I didn't know about it. That is enough lying for me.<P>I see all these posts about how the betrayers give the OW/OM such great treatment at the expense of the spouse, and this is how I feel about him and her. He bends over backwards to accomodate this meaningless fool's feelings even if it means mine are hurt. That is why I feel like it is a current thing.<P>Catnip, you are a compassionate woman! Maybe I am being hasty, but I know that the last few days without him and without dealing with all this crap have been bliss. I really feel comfortable and fine without him. The anger and rage have passed and now I ask myself why I let HER get me so upset. I think it's just time to take care of me. <P>Thanks for your kind words.