It feels rather strange that my first post on the Marriage Builders site would be in this section. But unfortunately, this is where I seem to have landed. <BR>My background, as brief as I can make it. I have been married for 11 years. However, the last 5 of them we have been separated. We have tried numerous times at reconciliation, but it hasn't worked. My stbx had an EA which lead to our seperation. For most of this time we have remained friends. When the first EA burned itself out we tried to reconcile but we did not have the tools to work through it. Then he started another relationship with someone at work. This was a EA/PA. The sad thing is that we all work in the same building. He soon saw that this new romance was not what he wanted and ended it. Although we had been separated for 2 yrs by then I was not interested in anyone else, yet I wasn't sitting at home waiting for him to return either. Again after this new PA ended we tried at reconciliation. There have been other women in his life and other tries at reconciliation in the 5 yrs, but I won't bore you with all that. Then last year I became involved with someone who started as a good friend then progressed to more. I now became the betrayer. Which is really what brought me to this site. <BR>I ended this relationship because I felt that I needed to be completely free to give myself to someone else. <BR>My H and I were still on very good terms but more like brother and sister. We do not have any children. Which was a problem, since I very much would like a family and H does not. Anyway, this last Monday was the last straw. I knew that we needed to move on seperately, that he would only ever see me as an authority figure and never a partner. This saddens me greatly. But it did give me the resolve to make an appointment to meet with a lawyer. Which I did yesterday. <P>I have actually been lurking here since November of 99. I'm the shy type and I find it hard to just jump right in. But tonight I feel the need to do just that. I feel as if I know some of you so very well, and it seems as if you should just know me too. <BR>Another reason for my post tonight is that I wanted to especially thank New Beginnings/Sheryl I have found myself mirrored in your posts. And after reading a recent threat where she was asked to only listen I felt personally hurt. But I do understand that everyone is going through so many different stages. <P>I feel that even though I no longer have a marriage that can be salvaged, I now have the knowledge and the strength to be a better partner to someone someday, God Willing. This site and most of the principles have given me hope.<P>My thanks and blessing to everyone here. <P>

Welcome! I'm pretty new here too. I found this site very helpful. Everyone justs says exactly what they feel and it is amazing how so many others feel the same way.<P>Keep posting and I'm sure you will get alot out of this.<P>Good luck!

Welcome, also.<BR>None of us want to be here, but you will find we can be a great source of support and help, especially when you just want to vent!!<P>Separated for that long, I can imagine it would be tough to try again. Are you sure he wants D??There must be a reason why he has not initiated the proceedings yet. <P>MB is a great place to learn about marriage and how to rekindle the fires that brought us together in the first place. Before making the move to D, be sure in your mind it is the only way. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Welcome to the site,<P>SOrry to see that you wound up here first. Many of us were over on the general questions site on Plan A when you got here. <P>Unfortunately, now we wound up here. Don't be shy, just start replying and you'll soon get lots of responses back. <P>We are all here to support each other and you will also find a lot of good information that will help you get thru this divorce. <P>Be sure to reply to post replies and you'll get responses in return.<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Pleas do join in...<P>We need all the support we can get...<P>We give all the support we can...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Thanks to everyone for responding. As I said I've been lurking here since last November, but I just didn't have the strength to post. I feel as though I have been involved (oops perhaps not the appropriate word here) with so many of you, I'm sorry now that I just didn't start writing as soon as I found this place. <P>711, thank you for being the first to welcome me. Yes, out of all the boards that I've read I feel most comfortable with the people and support given here.<P>Sue, your's has been the hardest to respond to. It's a little bit embarrasing to be separated for 5 yrs. People keep asking if we are divorced yet or are we going to get back together. But recent events have proven that it just isn't possible to reconcile. <BR>Even today, I thought...What if he asks to stay married? I think I would be happy. BUT. Then I would have to ask him, "do you want to be in a marriage or just be able to say that you are married". Unfortunately, he does not want to be involved in a marriage, he actually is very comfortable with things the way they are now. I am the one that needs a real chance at happiness. Because we truly aren't married, we don't live together and we certainly aren't partners. <BR>I truly appreciate your thoughts. I have struggled long to get where I am. It's taken 5 yrs to get here. I'm not Happy about it, but the alternative is worse. He will continue to date others since we are separated. I want to move on and have a good life, and hopefully meet someone who embraces the MB principles (even if they do not actually know that is what they are doing) that also is interested in me. <P>Lonelymom, thanks I do plan to stick around. I will post as much as I can. Although, sometimes I feel as if I over the anger and pain of the first betrayal (5 yrs ago). Hopefully I can bring some strength and insight on what it's like after the dust has settled. Unfortunatly, my way of shaking the dust is by divorcing, but it's not because I haven't tried. <P>WilliamJ, I will do my best to give and to get (probably, the hardest part for me) support. If you'll notice I've already taken your advice and replied on your post. <P>Again, heartfelt thanks for making me feel welcome to all of you. It's a good feeling.