Alright someone please hurry with advice on this because I am about ready to burst!<P>My H and I are NOT working it out. I tried to tell his parents about the affairs thinking that they would turn on me, he would turn on me, everyone would hate me and just leave me alone. That didn't work. He was actually releived because it took the burden of him telling them away. They didn't care. They just took his side anyway.<P>(sigh) So, I am thinking about telling the OW's H. I know it's not a good thing to do, but there are practical reasons as well as the need to have her share the nausea of a shaken marriage (their marriage is just great. her H has no idea). If I had known this when all this happened, I could be years ahead of myself. If I had known this, I could have protected myself against disease. (He is obviously promiscuous and has unprotected sex). <P>And for selfish reasons, I just want my H to leave me alone. This back and forth emotional roller coaster is killing me. I feel the need to do something drastic so that he will never come near me again!<P>GRRRRRRRRRR

Popeye,<P>From your swinging emotions and your bouts with anger, I'm going to suggest that you see a doctor and get on some antidepressant meds (if you're not already). I think that'll help smooth the rollercoaster ride somewhat.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>So, I am thinking about telling the OW's H. I know it's not a good thing to do...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Then don't.

Popeye,<BR>I too have wrestled with the idea of telling OW's H about the affair. She divorced him (it was final in Feb) for my H but he doesn't know it. I know because she & my H are ADAMANT that I not tell him. The only reason I haven't is because they are already divorced and at this point I would just cause him more hurt than he already has. I don't want anybody else to feel as crappy as I do. He will probably find out eventually anyway, but I don't want to have to deal with that Karma. I know you want to get your H to leave you alone and for me I also in some way wanted to hurt OW as much as she hurt me. But that would be pointless. What she and my stbx are doing to themselves is hurt enough. They just don't know it yet. When the reality and truth about what they've done hits, I don't think it will be a pretty sight. And it's possible they are just soul-less enough to never feel ANY feelings of guilt or remorse. I have to deal with that reality as well. When you are feeling this angry and impulsive, it's probably best NOT to act on your impulses. You may live to regret your actions. Don't lower yourself to your H's level.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Popeye,<BR>I agree with Keridwen. She is right. You dont need to hurt him. Besides, he knows. Do you really think that they went through a divorce and he had no idea why it was happening? If by some chance he doesn't know it will just hurt him and that Karma will affect you.<BR>He may just lash out at you "Kill the messenger", so to speak.<BR>Let all this ugliness go. Avoid you EX's calls. Get caller ID if you don't have it. Nothing says you have to have contact with him. If you have children, then only keep the conversation on them. If he deviates tell him the conversation is over. YOU take control of when the conversation ceases and where it goes. Not him. If he comes over unannounced, dont answer the door. You are under no obligation to him. He will get the hint that you are no longer participating in his little game. <BR>I wish you good luck. You just sound tired of the games and want some space. So give yourself the space you need.<BR>If he is just plainly harrassing you than get a restraining order. Document every time he badgers you and you have asked him to stop. <BR>God bless you. Find comfort in the Lord he will give you the peace and strength to get through this ordeal.<BR>Lisa