To everyone out there that has been so wonderful to me........I just wanted to say thank you! <P><BR>This past Friday I went to my Lawyer and started the process!.......It is really strange.......but I am at a peace w/my self I know that it is time!<P>I have given my all to this man!......<BR>When this all started,I went into counceling,I started to excersise and lost weight!.......I started dressing better,(dressing like a 35 year old not like a "mommy").....I started to do my nails again,wearing more jewerly!Most of all I supported him at his hockey games...watched many a night games on the tv....so that we would have more to talk about!<BR> <BR>I have kept a very clean house,cooked,<BR>laundry,taking care of the children on my own!I feel I have bent over backward to please this man!......no thank you,no,you look nice today,and so on!<P>Not to metion the bedroom!........I have gotten some great ideas......we had always said that this is one area we had down to a science!......There have never been any compaints on both sides!....LOL....LOL<P>I know that we needed a little spice......it had been lacking a little......so,I spent nights,w/candles,music,bubble baths,massages,given him full pleasure that any many has only in his dreams!......never thinking of my self.I even went to the extent to get the kids out of the house,for a couple of hours......no lights,hung a white sheet up.....spot light........and gave him his own personal strip tease!.....I bought some really cheezy hang cuffs...LOL.,..no, I mean 69 cent cheep!....really kinda funny.......but I hang cuffed him to the bed.....and had my way w/him......feathers,massage oils,whip cream,chocolate syrup,the list goes on!......<P>I started to go w/him and the kids roller blading.....hockey!....and Ice skating!...<P>I met everyone of this mans needs!.......I gave my all to him.Yet he still chose to move out!<P>I have been a good person and have tried to the best of my ability to live the way that God wants me too!.....Through my life I have made mistakes......I have learned from them and I never make the same ones twice!!....<P>I only hope that God will understand my loneliness and the pain in my heart for wanting a man to love me! To forgive me for wanting a better life for my self and my children!<P>I can only hope and pray that he will bring a wonderful and kind man into my life that shares the same ideals of marriage and commetment,most of all wants so make compromises.Has the same interests,goals and desires!......Maybe I am asking too much?<BR>Is there really such a man?.......I know that I am starting to babble......well,that is what this blonde does best!.....LOL....LOL<BR> ......I will always wish for this man to come into my life.<P>I will keep you all posted and still be lurking from time to time!<P>Thank you all............<P>Gina.......

GIna,<BR> I am glad that you are feeling some peace.<BR> All that you have done to save your marriage tells me that your h is a lost fool. He will someday realize the fool that he is and it will be to late for him. I will pray that God will give you a happy life with a good man; <BR> ( current h or a new h ) God bless you, GWM

Gina:<P>When and if you happen to find that dream man, let me know where you found him so I can get me one too.....<P>Keep your chin up girl. Its not you. Its a problem within him and until he is ready to get the help he needs, he will not change. <P>Take care of yourself....

missy9,and Lost 123,<P>Thank you! <P>If......no,I will say when I find the man that is in my dreams.......I will ask if he has a couple of brothers!!......LOL.....LOL<P>Take care......<P>Gina<BR>

Gina:<P>I just want wanted to come over here a give you a <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Gina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Keep your head high. Stay in God’s will, he will provide.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Scott

Gina,<P>I commend you for your efforts. I admit to using your optimism and strength to help me keep my goal in mind. I am sorry you have had to come to this conclusion but know that you have made your best effort.<P>Good luck with your future. There are still good guys out there!<P><BR>I wish I had your strength and courage!<P>red2 (ever been to FL?)

Gina:<BR> I'm so sorry! But, glad to hear that you are feeling more at peace.<P>Missy said it well: "Its not you. Its a problem within him and until he is ready to get the help he needs, he will not change."<P> Hang in there!<P>Kathi

Gina,<P>I am so sorry. Just keep on living for God and trusting Him. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You, <BR>John

To be at peace with the decision and recognize that you truly deserve love and happiness is a major victory for you and the rest of us. I have a greeting card I bought for myself that says the following.<P>"As you journey through life, choose your destinations well, but do not hurry there. You will arrive soon enough.<P>Wander the back roads and forgotten paths, keeping your destination in your heart like the fixed point of a compass.<P>Seek out new voices, strange sights and ideas foreign to your own.<P>Such things are the riches for the soul and, if upon arrival, you find that your destination is not exactly as you had dreamed, do not be disappointed.<P>Think all you would have missed but for the journey there, and know that the true worth of your travels lies not in where you come to be at the journey's end, but who you come to be along the way".<P>May you find peace, love and joy where ever you go and share it with those around you.

To Promised Forever,<P>Thank you........it is funny bc I had told my mom awhile back that I knew that I would have to do this.......I just wasn't ready to admit defeat!.......she told me that I would know when the time was right.....she was right!......(she is sad,but understands my frustration of a H that is not willing to work and get help,in order to keep his vows and commitment to me!)<P>I am ready to move on!<P>Red2,<P>I am so glad that I could help even if just a little!........To me marriage is the most special way to show some one you love them!.....2 people working together to reach their goals and dreams as a couple!....(but,the way I see it......you still need to have 2 people to make it!)<P>Keep up the good work!<P>Yes,I have been to Fla!......why,do you ask??<P>Kathi,<P>Thank you!.....you will never know how much you have helped me!<P>I feel as tho I have grown sooooo much in such a little time.<P>The next time I am bound for GLORY!!!!!<P>Hope that things are going good on your end!...keep in touch!.....I will still lurk,and let you know what is happening!<P>Isit2late,<P>Thank you!.......I really do feel good about this decision!.......I have no love left for him......that left when he walked out the door!......(deep down,I did know this!)<P>I hope that all is well w/you!<P>Gonnatry,<P>Thank you.......that was beautiful!!! <P>I have already grown sooooo much.<BR>I know that this is just begining,so I am sure I have even more growth in store!...<BR>That is o.k.......I know that it wont be easy but I am strong and can get through anything!<P>Take it easy!<P>Gina<BR>

Wow, how wonderful.....I am starting to feel that way too......but still have a few bad days. But the great thing is .....more good than bad.<P>I am starting to look at the future differently....seeing that there just might be that wonderful man out there that I thought I had found in my stbx. Everyday I get further and further away from him and more comfortable with myself and my decisions.<P>I catch myself laughing so much now that it sometimes startles me because I don't think I hardly cracked a smile a year ago.<P>Your post made me feel so good inside....more alive than I have felt in a long time.<P>Thank you very much<BR>Nancy

Gina,<P>I asked if you have ever been to FL as a half-a$$ed invitation. I am back to where I started and wish I had your strength to move on. <P>Maybe we can exchange email addresses. You have been very helpful to me and I would like to keep in touch.<P>You really have grown. I am sure I am not the only one that has sensed it in your writing. <P>red2

red2,<P>So,you were being a little smart a@# huh!<BR>Ha,Ha,....LOL... <P>Well, that is o.k.......we all need to be that way every once in awhile!.... <P>I am so sorry that things have not gotten better! <P>I don't know if I would say it is strength that has me moving on!.......I sometimes see it as a weakness,that I have just given up!....this last month I have a had a lot of time to sort through everything........I do love him......but when he moved out it was such a LB!!!!! that what ever deposits that I did have.... left when he walked out the door!I don't agree w/seperation,never have!.... I changed my mind and told my self I needed to give it a chance.(he has demenstrated to me just what I have always believed!)<P>Well,I have seen no evidence of him wanting anything more than just a friendship w/me!<P>I would be glad to talk w/you here......I am not shy,and can talk, just about anything!<P>Thank you, I do feel as though I have!<BR>My councelor is extremely proud of me!.....<BR>I will tell you this.......and I think for every person out there that is having problems w/there marriage,what I believe and so does my councelor is that you have to have to be able to admit that your not a perfect sp,and have to WANT to look at your self as a person........and what YOU have contributed to the failing of the marriage!<P>If you can do this and make some changes in your self,than that is all that you can do!<P>You can't make your sp do this.........sad,very sad.......and very frustrating!!!.....aaaaaahhhhhh!....UGH!<BR>If your sp is not willing to do the same than you either decide to stay in a marriage that makes your heart ach,or you leave.<P>I will be here.........<BR>If ever you want to talk just give me a post and I look out for it.<P>Take care<P>Gina<BR> <P><BR>

Gina,<P>You should take great pride in yourself, for communicating, for trying, for being there for your STBXH. That is all one can ask of one self for any relationship.<P>I appreciate the suggestions you have made to me, and I have learned from listening to you.<P>Good Luck, and keep learning, <BR>no one should ever stop learning and<BR>figure out a way to pass the knowledge onto<BR>the kids so that they grow in the right ways.<BR>One can learn alot from watching.<P>thl<BR>