I picked this up at the Divorce Rebuilders sessions I go to. I'm not sure were the questions come from.<P>Answer yes or no to the following:<P>1. I am financially able to survive on my own.<P>2. I am keeping my schedule and responsibilities.<P>3.I am willing to put all legal actions on hold.<P>4. I am able to be civil to my ex-mate's "friend."<P>5. I am involved in a spiritual support group.<P>6. I am friendly to my in-laws.<P>7. I am committed to at least one year of honest reconciliation.<P>8. I am willing to seek mature spiritual counsel.<P>9. I am open to relationship instruction.<P>10. I am seriously considering remaining single if I cannot reconcile.<P>11. I am committed to at least one intimate same-sex friend.<P>12. I am spiritually growing and spending weekly time in the Word.<P>13. I have finished reading the book of Hosea for the third time.<P>14. I am able to go at least one week without crying or losing emotional control.<P>15. I am clean before the Lord by having confessed my sins in my former marriage.<P>YES answers: <BR>1-5 take more time to heal<BR>6-10 consider a friendship agreement<BR>11-15 consider relationship instruction or remarriage.<P>"Though not infalliable, the checklist will indicate whether you have regained a level of personal control over your life. This will reveal areas that need more attention under the guidance of the Holy Spirit through a Christian counselor."<P>I hope this doesn't offend any of my non Christian friends here. I am a Christian and these are the types of references I use.<P>Term Explainations:<BR>1. Finances: Are you able to stand on your own and meet your needs? This may mean being willing to drop several levels on the socioeconomic ladder adn live on less.<P>2. Schedule: Are you getting up on time, getting enough sleep, taking care of yourself, and keeping appointments? Do you complete your projects and tasks by due date?<P>3. Legal: Are you willing to stop the divorce process and allow reconciliation a chance? This means showing a stance of openness.<P>4. Rational: Are you willing to put aside your anger and bitterness and act like a mature adult? You can't blame the "friend" for everything, because it takes two people.<P>5. Spiritual: Are you a memeber actively involved in a local church? When your life is unstable, you need the strength and support of others.<P>6.In-laws: Are you willing to be civil and friendly toward your in-laws? You need all the support you and your children can get. They are still your children'd grandparents, and friendliness begets friendliness.<P>7.Commitment: Are you stable enough to make a sincere commitmnet to reconciliation for one year? Many think it is easier to get married, but how stable can that commitment be?<P>8. Councel: Are you seeking counsel from those over you, according to Hebrews 13:17 ? This is a time for objective, biblical directives to prevent you from cycling back to a second marriage and possibly a second divorce.<P>9.Guidance: Are you willing to put in the time, effort, and energy to demonstrate that you are open to instruction? The test here is to see if you are willing to learn from your mistakes.<P>10. Singleness: Can you be single and content? It is important that you be able to stand by yourself emotionally before you move on to reconcile or meet someone else.<P>11. Friendships: Sre you able to have a good same-sex friend? Lack of close friends will force you to expect too much of anyone in a relationship.<P>12. Devotions: Are you consistent in your time with the Lord in prayer and study in the Word? This time provides all the vitamins for your spiritual and emotional development.<P>13. Grace: Are you open to God's directions to His prophet, Hosea? In order to understand God's grace toward us, we need to extend it to others.<P>14. Emotional: Are you able to control your emotions for a short period of time? The first step is to go one day at a time and then build stability on that.<P>15. Guilt: Are you willing to ask forgiveness for your wrongs in the marriage? If we expect others to do something, we have to lead by example.<P>One of you computer types may want to transfer this over to another forum, I'm not sure how to do that.<P>By the way, I had 9 yes's.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Hey Bob!<P> That is a good list! I got 11, so I guess that's pretty good!<P>Thanks for sharing it.<BR>Mitzi <BR>

I didn't count up my answers but I found the list very helpful. I have printed it out so I can read it again. <P>Thanks!<P>Hope you are doing ok!

I got a nine. I don't understand the "consider remarriage" part. Is this supposed to mean to your former spouse??<P>I guess I failed regardless, cause I really don't want to "be friends" with him, and I'll never consider remarrying him??<P>Am I the only one who feels this way? <P>

Dana,<P>The way I read this was to remarry someone else. This class is geared for people who are divorced or in the process of getting divorced. I have to admit, there has been no mention of remarrying the former spouse in any of the sessions I've attended.<P>This class is for helping us heal and getting back into life. <P>Don't be too hard on your self. Just remember our hated mantra," juts give yourself time."<P>Bob

Bob,<P>I got an honest 8, if I could count the halfway ones it would be a 12.<P>I am glad you verified the purpose of this "quiz" in responce to Dana. I was unsure what it was for.<P>In ? 7 is the reconciliation for myself or with God or my X?<P>I don't see how I could ever be civil to this LRB that wrecked my marriage however I do think I could be more than civil to the next guy STBX is involved with.<P>I barely got through Hosea once. I don't think it was intended for us as an individual but as a metephore for Israel during the time when they were not under the protection of the Holy Spirit, but I can see many parralles to a person going through infidelity.<P><BR>I haven't gotton emotional about my marriage since X-Mas day. That was when I decided I was no longer going to be held hostage by those feelings any longer.<P>Great quiz.<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>