Thanks guys! Bruce, you actually made me laugh (cheered me up so to speak). Thank you. Val, yes, I have discussed this with my husband. I have asked him what I can do for him. I am very open with him. He swears to me that he is happy with us and our sex life. I am an extremely sensitive person and took his habit to heart. It hurt me. I just really did not understand, because like I said, I have and would do anything for him. I have a question for you Val, why did you feel you were missing out whenever you saw "half-attractive" women? Don't you find your wife attractive? I realize actually from research I have done recently in college that men actually are stimulated visually. I am beginning to wonder if it is natural for anyone to expect a man to supress his natural instincts to "wander."
<br>What do you guys think?
<br>KS

KS,
<p> Yes, I do find my wife to be very attractive, I always have. She's not a model or anything, but neither am I.
<p>I guess I could equate it to someone who is hungry and can't get any food. Even though you can supress your hunger pangs, every time you see food, it reminds you how hungry you are. It actually hurts! It's not as if you can just "go to a different restaurant or something! (Guess that's why they call it a "sexual appetite".) I had no reason to believe that the women I saw would satisfy me sexually, but who knows why we think what we think. I do know that is a devestating hurt though. The though that you will NEVER enjoy the things you want is as bad a feeling as I care to imagine.
<p>As for men supressing their "wandering eyes" I don't know. We certainly can hurt our wives by doing it, even though that is not our intent. Men are easily stimulated by visual means.
<p>How would a man feel if he has provided a comfortable, even nice, home for his wife and family, and then his wife say a picture of a really elegant house or furniture in a magazine? Couldn't he think "Don't I do enough for her?" or "I work my butt off to give us this fine house and she wants all that fancy stuff?" It's possible!
<p>
<br>Has your husband given you a good (not just "because") answer why he looks at porn or eyes other women? Have you told him how his actions make you feel?
<p>Hope you work it out to your satisfaction!
<br>Val<p>[This message has been edited by V.]

KS,
<p>Yes, men are highly stimulated visually. That's why I hate it when my wife may try to turn the light out right after she takes off her clothes. That cuts out one of my biggest pleasures.
<br>But if I man is married he should not be looking at other women. I'll qualify that. I see great looking women all the time at work and elsewhere. Do I notice how good they look? You bet I do.
<br>But it isn't really a question of supressing something. If I took vows to be faithful to one woman then it's part of what I have to do to keep that promise to not dwell any further in my mind about other women then noticing that they're attractive. You'd have to be blind not to see that. But you don't have to roll it around in your mind the way you roll candy on your tongue.
<br>How can it be respectful for me to look at other women while my wife is with me? I would be very upset if she did that to other men while I was there. So I don't really see it as a question of supression. When I married her I was in effect saying that I cut off any avenues of intimacy to other women. Why torture myself toying with thoughts of messing with someone else when I don't want it to lead to anything more?
<br>I'm not saying I've been a perfect angel who has never looked the wrong way at another woman. But in spite of that I know that I have what I want (I just hope I can keep it at this point)and it simply makes no sense to make it harder on myself to maintain that stance by fantasizing about another woman.