HA! I wish I knew. The reality of letting go is not pretty - and it is happening in fits and starts. I am not in a true Plan B, because I still allow contact when he calls me... but I do not call him unless it is to return a call. And I do not go visiting him at work anymore.<P>That said, he now calls me on the average of twice a week... always from work, except once when he called from home while the slug was at work. Rumor has it they will be moving to Florida sometime soon, I am aware of why he wants to go as we have discussed it (for school), but he has not told me that he will be moving there yet. I attempt to keep the conversation light and short whenever he calls.<P>As far as other aspects of my life - the person I had gotten involved with so briefly recently told me he never wants me to speak to him again. He told me he wanted us to each be respectful of the other (which I have always been), and then told a mutual friend some incredibly mean things about me - delusional things, actually - things that never happened, things he never said to me... trying to paint me as some kind of obsessed stalker or something. It is bewildering and hurtful, but it has taught me a real lesson. Only thing is, it has put me just a tiny step away from jumping onto the "I hate men" bandwagon ... I am very angry at the moment.<P>I have no plans for the holiday weekend - and in my current mood am not inclined to be around too many people... but I have a real friend who will force me to do something.<P>Is there anyone out there who has a formula for a simpler life? This one is getting way too complicated <P>Dunno how meaningful my current signature is at the moment but ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Hi Terri, can't get rid of me!<P>It's way past time for Terri!!!!!<P>What makes you happy? I love the beach, the sand and turf. Stepping outside when the sun goes down and the acid laced water rises on my feet. Overpriced Pizza and fries. I like to walk on a trail in the mountains. I like when my kids ask me dumb questions that I can't answer.<P>Terri, take a break from life and it's problems. Don't worry, they will still be there when you get back.<P>Zippy

Terri,<BR> I may not be as far down that road as you are yet...but I am not letting myself to stagnate. She is not able to file for a couple more months, by which time either the fog will clear a bit or we will not have to keep second guessing each other and I do not have to wonder what painful thing she will try on me.<P>In the mean time, later this afternoon I am picking up the kitten I agreed to adopt, in a moment of loneliness. I hope to adapt it well enough before I return to work Tuesday. Then there if the other cat... .<BR>I rediscovered walking on the trails in the park in the hills. Unfortunately, I do this alone, but I would rather not. I meant to go today but intermittent showers discouraged me. If your friends can feel comfortable doing these with you, ask them. <P>RRunr<BR>

Oh, I have plenty to do ... just having a bad weekend is all. Thinking too much about lots of sad things, and trying to shoulder too much blame for stuff that goes wrong everywhere... Typical of me.<P>I am trying to plan a week or two out west - all I really need to come up with is air fare and a little spending money. But even that is difficult.<P>Today was tough. Cried a few times ... once cuz I drove past a bunny that had been hit by a car and was trying to drag itself off the road... once cuz my nieces asked me "Aunt Terri, why don't you have any kids?" ... once cuz the Rolling Stones' song "Angie" came on the radio... It's mostly hormonal and I hate it! But at least I know WHY! <P>This, too, shall pass ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Terri-<P>Was wondering where you have been and how you have been doing. As you have been seeing, letting go is painful...not an easy thing to do no matter what side of the equation you happen to be on. Remember....self-care for you is important! The individual that you speak of seems mean and cruel...seems as though he had goals that had to do with hurting you. Learn and stay away...you deserve better.<P>You continue to work on your plan B...but remember the eventual ending will feel and cause you to hurt like you have had a loved one leave you through death...and it as you may know...goes away slowly...feeling your loss takes time...heck you may even cry two, three...or four years later. I still can feel sad and feel the pain like it was yesterday when I think back to where my path has taken me and the losses I have experienced. But...you will learn to approach each day and the pain will lessen...will not evaporate...but will lessen to where you can talk and discuss it and feel like you are gaining ground. Keeping my fingers crossed for you to keep making your progress.<P>mrrlk

Hi Terri, sorry you're down. I had quite the crying jag myself on Sunday. Memory triggers of the past 2 Memorial weekends...and maybe a little PMS as well. Gosh, did we synchronize over the computer? That usually only happens with roomates & co-workers!<P>When I read your post about OM saying mean things, I had the oddest connection. Have you seen GALAXY QUEST? (movie spoof of the first STAR TREK series--good for a long laugh if you like STAR TREK) Anyway, there's scene where this little lame alien creature is limping up to a trough and the others in the group make way for him. One of the GAlAXY QUEST people says "Oh, look, they're being nice to the little hurt one" and one of the other says "Didn't you ever WATCH your own show?" Any way the resulting actions weren't so "nice".<P>You and I have had some talks about our vulnerability and "predators", neither of us thought we were involved with one...during the nice part. I think you met some real needs for your OM, as he met for you and helped to take your focus off your H. He just wasn't a keeper. I have a new friend (female! ) who has been single for 18 years since her disastrous first marriage (she still hasn't received child support for her 18 year old twins...despite many court orders...). She is thin, beautiful, smart, a flight attendent...she says she'll never be involved with another man until he has "proved" himself. I just wonder how long the proving goes on and what she does with her emotions during that time?<P>I wish you the best, hope we can talk soon.

Hi terri,<P>Sorry to see that the guy you were starting to see turned out to be a psychopath. That "I hate men" bandwagon would be a really nice theme float for the Parade of Roses, don't you think?? Hang in there.<P>If I were the slug, I'd worry about a move to Florida. Too much saltwater down there!!!

Terri, <BR>I, too am sorry to see your guy was flaky..not easy when you have just come out of a difficult relationship and have this be your first experience!<BR>Just know that you are a good catch for any guy...and don't let this discourage you. There are many other men out there, I am sure. <BR>You are so much stronger than I to remain in PLan B as long as you have. Just do not lose yourself in this process. I know for me, I just hit a wall and said to myself..."Is this worth it?" And I had kids to worry about! I am so sorry to have put them through all of this, and I am sure my X is too, but not sorry enough to change. <BR>Be good to yourself and don't burden yourself too much with this. <P>------------------<BR>Susan