I NEED ANSWERS. I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 2 1/2 YEARS. I'M 21 HE IS 25. I KNOW I'M READY TO GET MARRIED AND HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BUT HE IS JUST NOT READY RIGHT NOW. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I NEED HELP. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
<br>WE TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME OR SHOULD I SAY I TALK ABOUT IT. I DON'T WANT TO PUSH HIM INTO SOMETHING HE IS NOT READY FOR, BUT SOMETIMES I WANT IT SO BAD.
<br>WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM REALIZE HE WILL BE DOING THE RIGHT THING?
<br><p>[This message has been edited by HAPPY.]

Happy, first off, please take the caps lock off when you type - it's hard to read posts in all caps.
<p>Second off ... if he says he isn't ready to get married, then he really isn't. Don't push it or you will wind up alone - either *now* or sometime *after* you are married. It would be much better if it were now, let me tell you! It is far more painful to lose a husband than to lose a boyfriend - I'm losing the husband now, and I've lost boyfriends in the past. And *my* husband *wanted* to get married - it was *his* idea!
<p>Marriage is a relationship that must be entered into willingly by both participants and should be done with the complete understanding that it is a lifelong committment. You might think that it is the right thing to do now, but if you push him into it when he isn't sure, you will both be sorry later.
<p>I can't put it any more gently ... sorry.
<p>terri<p>[This message has been edited by terri.]

Happy,
<p>You didn't say what you meant when you say you have "been with" your boyfriend for 2-1/2 years. Don't mean to be forward, but in this day and age, that usually means "having sex with", or even "living with".
<p>Without knowing more about your situation, it's hard to know what to say. Don't get me wrong but the phrase "Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free" comes to mind (NO, I'm not calling you a cow! This is probably truer now than ever before. Did he ever discuss his "intentions" with you? Did you make your desires clear to him when you first started getting serious? Have you asked him what he means when he says he's not ready?
<p>You may want to check out the section on "sex before marriage" to see if anything there is helpful.
<p>(If I have assumed something that is not true, please don't be offended. It's just that in this day and age, it's too typical for couples to live together for years without getting married, yet enjoying the "fruits" of marriage.)
<p>Val
<p>