The first stupid thing I did was try to get advice from people who don't even know me on the stupid internet. I guess I was just wondering what other people would think. I don't live with my boyfriend and we have never had sex. DON'T ASSUME! Ask questions. Thanks for nothing. Maybe I wasn't clear enough but don't worry I'll never post another topic. I'd hate to talk to people who judge others who don't even know what they are talking about.
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Happy,
<p>First, why so defensive? you have to understand that most everyone here in this forum has gone through what you should want to avoid like the plaque. Divorce, or losing someone you love.
<p>Just don't jump into marriage. Too many people do that and the numbers speak for themselves.
<p>If he says he loves you, and you love him, give it time. When it's right it will ne right, but if not then you have done the right thing, but to push him into anything would only serve to alienate him in the end.
<p>Try to listen to people who have been there, done that. You might learn a valuable lesson.
<p>We do care.
<p>John

Happy,
<p>I just want to second what John said so well,
<br>and I hope you can see that neither Terri or Val were trying to insult you. It's just that when life has beaten you up, you just try to keep others from following your footsteps.
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<br>I too, think you might need to back off a notch or two with your BF. If you force the issue, he might A) break things off totally just to get some breathing space, or B) marry you just to make you happy, but always resent how it happened. If that happens, you've already got a tiny cancer, eating away at your marriage from the get-go.
<p>Let him decide FOR HIMSELF what a lucky guy he is, and how much he wants and needs you by his side for life! That way, you'll know that it's also what HE wants. Then, you can just smile and think to yourself: "I KNEW he'd finally make the right choice--ME!!!"
<p>Doug
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"Happy",
<p>When I posted my first response to your inquiry, I apologized in advance if I had made some assumptions. (Maybe you didn't read that part) A better response (from you) would have been a polite "No, let me clarify what I said" instead of jumping all over the case of those who YOU asked for advice.
<p>Even though people on this forum are way too polite to say it, I'll bet many are getting a clue as to why your boyfriend is hesitant to marry you. I know after that hostile response you gave, I certainly have me a few ideas why!
<p>You will find out that in marriage (just like in real life), a hostile response like the one you gave will not earn points in anybody's love bank.
<p>Val
<p>PS. I really thought hard about just ignoring your outburst, but that would be less than honest on my part!<p>[This message has been edited by V.]

I too, was going to ignore your defensive post, but feel strongly inclined to defend myself. I was far from nasty - I was trying to tell you that if you push too hard, you may get what you want *now* but in the future you might lose.
<p>It is extremely painful to go through losing your spouse to another woman or just because he doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know - it is happening to me right now. You should be glad that people are willing to share their experiences with you when you *ask* for help. Otherwise, don't ask ...
<p>terri