All,
<p>Ok, folks. It's time for me to cross the Rubicon. Last night my wife and I had a discussion. She told me she had been planning to leave because she feels she is under too much pressure with me in the house. She says she feels like she's under the microscope to perform in a manner she can't deliver on at this time.
<br>But she said she thinks it would be best if I were the one to leave. I was getting extremely upset about this sort of talk in the past. But she qualified it by saying she didn't intende this as permanent but she felt that since she cannot be what I desire in a wife at present that it would be best to get some distance between us. She said just for a while to give her a chance to think and feel unpressured. She said she still expects me to be interacting with the family, but she just wants to be able to feel for a while that I'm not in her immediate prescence measuring her behavior.
<br>She says that I am trying so hard to correct our situation and make things work that I'm getting on her nerves. She said that I do not have to try to convince her of my sincerity because she can see it. But she feels she needs space where she doesn't feel I'm there pressuring her intentionally or unintentionally. She said if I don't go she'l probably have to to avoid the pressure.
<br>The difference between this discuusion and others was that this time she puposefully said that this was something she wanted to do as a possible corrective for us. That she felt she would be able to move forward once she had time to unravel emotionally. Before she never made that qualification. She just talked about leaving as if it was final.
<br>When I asked her why she never made that distinction before she said because when she felt like I was pressuring her that it made her react in an extreme manner. But that if this pressure was removed she could get her bearings, and she also said it would give me more of a chance to get mine because I wouldn't be near enough to her to be worrying about whether or not I was getting the treatment I desired.
<br>It seems sensible and I would consider it a small price to pay (she's talking several months) to restore my marriage. But I have some misgivings. Economically it's not too feasible. This is a high cost area for housing, even for one bedroom apartments. And of course I'd still have to kick in money for the family even though I wouldn't be there. Not only that but month to month leases are hard to find here. I don't want to commit to 6 months or a year when I don't plan to be there that long.
<br>She said I could stay at home if I could somehow program myself to leave her alone and get along without the affections I want until she can get clear on this, but she doesn't think that's possible for me. I wonder if it is myself.
<br>I know that if I did this she would immediately feel the pressures of going it alone. For example she likes to jog three or four nights a week, and I take care of the kids while she does. She would be restricting her actions if I were gone. She would also be increasing the financial burden on herself because I can't afford to pay rent at two places and still pay the regular bills. So I think she would notice my abscence quickly.
<br>My plan is to go home and tell her that I prefer to stay but to resolve myself to not bother her. I will certainly have to make sure I'm involved in some things to occupy me is this happens. It will be the hardest thing I've ever done if I go that route.
<br>Anyway, just wanted to get some feedback from those who may have traveled this road before. Thanks.
