I'm so mixed up! My H & I have been counseling for a year and have been separated for 4 months. I thought it was time to go and talk to a lawyer about where I stand. We have two children and I don't work outside the home. My H takes care of all the banking and bills.(which has always been fine with me) I went to talk to a lawyer and found out that before he will START things I have to put up this huge amount of money because of the "nature" of a divorce case. I wanted to file the first part where we set up visitation and child support in hopes that would get my H wanting to work on our relationship more. Well.......where exactly am I supposed to get the huge amount of money from? My H says it will take him a little while to get it for me since he is trying to keep up two households. (there is no other woman) I feel so trapped! I can't get rid of him and I can't keep him. What kind of experiences has everyone else had?

Piper, how much $$$ does your lawyer want? I had to borrow my up-front costs from my mother and step-father; she offered it because of my situation....it was a $1,000.00 retainer fee.<P>However, if you work everything out, you can expect to get some of that back. My lawyer told me that we worked everything out so quickly that I'd be getting a decent amount returned to me, so you should expect the same if you and your H agree on things. Find out some info on dissolution (or some other form of agreement)...it'll save you lots of money in the long run.<P>In the meantime, do you have any family members with the money available to borrow? Could your lawyer bill you at a later time?...check around, there might be lawyers who are willing to be paid in installments down the road (and put that into the divorce decree, that your H pay your legal bills...don't know what the legality of that is, but it's worth a shot)...<P>good luck Piper!<P>theo<P>

I was approached by my ex about a mediator.. I was untrusting, so I went to a lawyer.. the lawyer told me staight out, I have to pay half up front, and to find a family member that could possibly help me out.. (hence, my dad is helping me!) in the end, your ex will have to reimberse you, in which, you will then pay back whom ever helped you, after the settlement.. He added, (which is what made my mind up!) if your spouse, (my ex) pays him, (the lawyer) in essence, my ex is his boss!!!! so do what ever it takes.. because the lawyers work for whom ever *is* the one paying them....!!!!! they are all crooks.. but *you* have to pay, in order to be THERE BOSS!! <P>I do feel better, that my dad did this for me.. and was there for me.. I am very fortunate to have a dad that has the money *to help me through this* (which is still on going) and I thank my dad for that every time we speak now.. <P>I hope you do find the help you need so you feel you are the one in control of your own self.. and not have any one else dictate to you.. <P>lots of luck to you....<BR>AV

Maybe you can get a legal aide attorney? My first attorney lknew my situation and took me with nothing but 100.00 to pay for the filing fee. He said he would bill me at the end of the divorce. Of course he is no longer my attorney now....so find a good one. Ask questions....nothing is more irritating than an attorney that never returns your calls.<P>Good Luck<P>Nancy<P>

I know the trapped feeling first hand. Divorce is expensive. I had to come up with a $3,000 retainer fee. I had to borrow the money...we are still bascially at square one and nearly all the money has been spent. My H keeps refusing the papers. It is a nightmare and doesn't look like it will get any better. <BR>

Wow, I didn't realize the wide variety of fees the lawyers charged. For our dissolution, I paid a flat fee to my lawyer($500). There were a number of other minor court costs that I got my x to pay half of.<P>When my x was using a lawyer, she paid at least $500 in a retainers fee.<P>Both of these lawyers were our friends.<P>Dissolution is the cheapest if you two can agree. I know there are some do it your self books out there where you can set up some ground work. But you still need your own lawyer. <P>My lawyer told me the same thing, they work for who ever pays them.<P>Best of luck,<P>Bob

I'm in California and am using a paralegal... $200 flat fee, and he types all the paperwork, etc. I paid the fee myself.<P>Ours is as friendly a divorce as possible... and I'm not going for his retirement, or spousal support either, so I suppose that makes a difference too. Not complicated, like some divorces can be.<BR>