Ive posted several topics here and have read most of the articles. The problem I have is I cant seem to find my situation anywhere. My wife and I seem to be in role reversal. I feel we have had a good marriage, with problems along the way like anybody. I try and figure out what went wrong along the way but cant. I think I have done most things right. We spend days off together going to the movies or just laying around watching tv. We always go to lunch together, everyday. We even work in the same area so we carpool. Some days we sit at the beach in our car and watch the sea lions and birds and just chill for an hour then go back to work. Three or four times a week we go to the gym and workout or go run together. We enjoy each others company. We have never had a fight in 14 years of marriage. We love the same kinds of food. We have been told about a hundred times that we look like brother and sister. We have three great kids together. We go out occasionally and even dress up and go to Formal parties. I do all of the cooking, and enjoy doing so. I do all of the grocery shopping. We have alot of Mondays and Tuesadays off together so I get up early and take my 4 year old son to daycare so we can spend time alone. I always let her sleep in on off days, go to bed early when she wants. I prepare her plate of food and bring it to where she is. I wait on her hand and foot, but I do enjoy it. I love to pamper her. We are doing okay money wise, not rich by no means but not starving either. I never push the issue of sex, I try and she says no so I try again later. We make love, lately, about once a month. We are both in good shape. We are buying our first house in 2 weeks. We had it built at our new duty station, we are both in the Navy. Just when everything is looking up for us she wants to seperate. Several years ago she confessed to several affairs over the years but says she has been faithful for years also. I dont like the idea of her with another man but we talked it out long ago and I told her I forgive her. I really do! About a year ago she found out that an old high school boyfriend was close by. They have been emailing each other for most of the time since. My wife tells me that she must not love me since she has had several affairs and now has feelings for her old boyfriend. She asks me why would I want to stay with her after all she has done. I think she feels guilty about the past and feels guilty about how she feels now about her old boyfriend. I know they have met several times when I was out of town. Im not sure if they have gone too far. We are out of here 1July, military transfer so we have no choice, and I hope being away from him will make it go away. How can I move my wife and kids into the home we had built, picked out the colors, carpet, everything together, get them all settled and then rent a room somewhere? I cant afford an apartment with the house payment also. I broke down and cried like a baby several days ago, not an attempt to make her feel bad but I was overwhelmed with all of this. She says it kills her to see me that way but given the way she feels doesnt know what else to do. I am losing everything important in my life, my wife, being in my kids day to day lives and living in our own home that we have wanted for years. We have not talked much about this whole issue for several days. We made plans months ago to go to Las Vegas to celebrate our 14th anniversary. We are going also because my wife is maide of honor at her aunts wedding. I now feel we have nothing to celebrate since she wants to seperate. We still ride to work together, sleep in the same bed but far apart, and go on with our day to day lives. I havent changed the way I treat her but its hard. I polished her work shoes last night because she has to work the weekend and she didnt even say thank you. Whats a man to do?

WOW !!!! You are to good to be true. All I can say is your wife needs help. The move may help but I think your wife needs therapy<BR> ( indvi. & joint ) take heart with help your wife can learn to see and understand how lucky she is to have an husband like you.<BR> You are an amazing man; if I was a women<BR> I would ask for your hand... LOL ...<BR>Really I feel for your pain and pray that your wife will seek help. God bless you, GWM

Well you brought tears to my eyes. I don't know why people do the things they do. Unfortunately, people do not see what they have until they lose it. I'm sure your wife will learn that very soon.<P>You sound wonderful. I pray that things will work out for you. With or without your wife. You are in the most difficult stage of marriage. I hope you can turn it around. Have you checked out the advice by Dr. Harley? I wish I had when everything went haywire. <P>Take care!

My sympathy to you. I can't offer any clues that would hold water, no pun intended. <P>In my 14.7 years of marriage (dated her for 3) we reached the point that we assumed things would be okay if we did not talk about them. We seemed afraid to bring up topics we argued about before. So I was viewed as disinterested in her, she found an EP which she now works with. <P>If you debate, as opposed to fight, then it may not be a communication problem. However, in my case, talking of our needs from each other, even if a small arguement resulted, is a bump that should have been allowed to happen. Hind sight...you know. <P>I do not know what, if any, qualifications the chaplain has in counceling for this situation but any more, clergy refer to the outside secular counceling in part for the liability issue. It would not hurt to ask. I did, never in my life did think I would have to.<P>You may be right about th guilt, and as cliched as it may sound, it is not your fault...as I have been told, often. I just looked inside myself, saw what I did, but it was too late to stop her.<P>RRunRR<BR>