Hi everyone. Most of you know my story, but for those that don't, my H had an affair a year ago and has since left me and started living with OW. After 15 years, our marriage is on the brink of dissolution. I have filed for divorce. Now I find I have a new problem, one much more troubling. My 11 year old daughter has started pulling out her eyebrows and eyelashes. I have an appointment with a therapist next week. She said what my daughter is doing is called trichotillomania (sp?). Anyway, she said it's a stress reaction. It's really got me worried. Of course H is blowing it off as usual. It couldn't possibly be his leaving and shacking up with OW causing this stress. It must be something I'm doing. I can't deny I have been depressed, sad, angry, you name it. But I have tried to be honest with the kids about my pain and encourage them to share theirs as well. While H is living in fantasy land. I'm so angry with him. Now my beautiful daughter is pulling her hair out. It's been going on for a couple of months now, but I just now really realized it. She looks different...it's become very noticeable. I had seen her doing it before, but I didn't realize what it meant until it became obvious. I feel like such a failure! Not only can't I keep my H, but now my daughter is falling apart. Sometimes it's just too much! Has anybody else dealt with something like this?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keridwen:<P>YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are the one person in this child's life that is constant and has been there for her every moment and has not abandoned her.<P>Have the therapist call your husband and tell him what the cause of your child's behavior is, or rather WHO it is.<P>I will say a special prayer for your daughter and for you and the other kids. I am so sorry. And pox on your husband for his ignorant and selfish dismissal of what your daughter is going through. I hope he and the OW shrivel up and blow away.<P>Ugh. This makes me mad for some reason...not sure why. I was a nail biter when I was five to eight years old becasue of my father, and my step-daughter was a bed wetter until she was 15 because of my husband and his former wife. I guess I am so appalled at the selfish behavior of what are suppossd to be adults protecting their children, it justs upsets me.<P>A good therapist can really make a difference.<P>Catnip =^^=

Praying big time for you and your daughter... <P>How divorce/separation/infidelity affects children is so unspoken everywhere...<BR>...and minimized... <P>Don't take it out on you!<BR>You are a good mother...<BR>...keep strong!<P>Jim

<BR> You are not a failure. I hope your husband will see his part in this and try to help his daughter. You are doing all you can. God bless you, GWM

Keridwen,<BR> You're not a failure because you feel you can't keep your H.You have no control over another person's actions.It's about him,not you,remember that.<BR> I once heard of someone else's daughter doing something like this.I think she was pulling her hair out,and eating it.It's some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder due to internal stress.I think they put her on some kind of meds(anti-depressants?)for it.<BR> My 14 year-old niece has a serious medical condition,and she's going through a state of denial about it.She wasn't eating well,not sleeping,and going overboard on her school studies at home.Her doc put her on a low dose of Zoloft,and she seems to be doing better.<BR> Stress does strange things to people.Hopefully your doctor can help your daughter through this.Maybe you can try and get her involved in new activities to get her mind off the problems.Keep us posted.<BR> --Murph

I can't help but feel like a failure. If this whole mess hadn't happened then my daughter wouldn't be going through this. My marriage wouldn't have fallen apart if I had been more observant. I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I can't. If only my H had given me a chance to change after his affair. But he wanted out to be with OW. 15 years, and I don't even get to try. There are days that I just don't know how I'm going to get through them. This is one of those days. I used to lean on my H in times of stress - like problems with the kids and such, but now I have no one to lean on. It feels so scary and lonely having to deal with this by myself. I'm so worried about her and I don't really have anybody else to bounce my fear off of anymore. H doesn't want to discuss it. <P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Before you beat yourself up too much, one of my co-workers kids did this for a while, bcs of stress at school (he had a lot of trouble with 5th grade math). It is a reaction to stress, but it is fairly common and happens to kids for all kinds of stress.<P>You are not the one who had the affair, or left...you are NOT to blame. Take care--<P>Kathi

more info...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.trich.org" TARGET=_blank>www.trich.org</A>

Keridwen,<P>Do come here for moral support...<P>Maybe you can do a search for a forum(support group) like this with other parent who have children with similar types of problems...<BR>anorexia/bulimia/trichotillomania and the like.<P>Maybe your doctor could make some recommendations for such a support group.<P>I'll be praying for you.<P> <P>Jim

Give her as much attention as you can.<BR>Focus on her, and helping her.<P>She is crying out for attention, and she needs to be loved. She wants to be different to get away. She wants to appear different to get attention.<P>The children part is the worst part. But she needs as much attention as possible. Redirect the anger towards productive times and interactions with her. This is hard, but this is the MOST important part of what the responsible parent has to do.<P>Remember, your H acted out instead of talking/communicating. If your d is like your H, she needs to understand that there is a better way to deal than acting out.<P>Don't give up.<P>thl

Don't beat yourself up about this. I have just gotten through a similar situation with my daughter (also 11). She stopped eating. She was thin to start with but she started losing weight and just wouldn't eat. We talked of hospitalization with her as a last resort and all because of my H walking out three times. The therapist was very blunt with my H and told him her condition was directly related to his problems. We eventually took her to a psychiatrist and he put her on a very small dose of zoloft and the difference has been incredible. I struggled very badly with putting her on medication but when I see the change in her I know I did the right thing. She also had compulsive disorders as in washing her hands constantly and not eating anything that might have germs on it etc. She is not back to normal completely yet, but she is a completely different child to what she was a month ago. Just hang in there, I know only too well the stress and guilt you feel. Remember it is not your fault, just be there for her and love her and make her feel secure. I will pray for you.

Thanks for the responses. I just got back from MY therapist and she made me feel a lot better. She said to keep in mind that what she's doing is not physically harming her. That it's a lot like biting your finger nails except Trich has been recognized as a pathology whereas nail biting has not. She thinks they are both OCD's brought on by stress. <P>It's good to know I can turn to you guys here. I know a lot of you have dealt with similar issues or even worse things. Thanks for encouraging me. The last several weeks have been tough and this was like the straw that broke the camel's back. <P>Loveu - I am glad you shared your story with me. I have worried about my decision if they decide to medicate my daughter. I am on Prozac and Buspar and I know what a help they have been for me. But medicating a child is a delicate situation. I'm glad your daughter is doing better. I hope she continues to improve. <P>I'm so glad we have this forum. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this place to vent and worry.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com